Getting Through Bad Days
Posted: September 20, 2018, 10:36 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: September 20, 2018


I'm new and looking for support for myself as it relates to my fiancé.

We've been together for just over a year and fell in love right away. I am 9 years old and we come from very different backgrounds: he is french from divorced parents that also use durgs and alcohol. I am the complete opposite... married parents until dad passed away 7 years ago. We were a good family unit and had a good upbringing. It's probably why we were so attracted to each other.

Early on, he worked in a restaurant, drank and did cocaine. 3-4 months in, he stopped using as he said he wanted a better life. This uncovered some mental instabilities that resulted him being in the a psych hospital for 10 days in March. I can't imagine the experience he went through but he was stabilized on medication, got a job and was doing well until August. He lost his job and started to lose confidence in himself.

Aside from a minor departure for 11 days, he stayed on his medication throughout. My concern is the bad days. He is so hard on himself and constantly puts himself down. He can be very manipulative as that is what he grew up with (mom uses it every chance she she can get.)

Last night he told me he didn't want to be my fiance anymore and I was better off with without him. But then there were times he says he wants to be happy and not down or complaining. He tries to stay consumed in the negative thoughts but, when he's not looking or trying to be manipulative, his love for me slips out. I know he loves me and is just afraid of being happy. I can deal with all this bad behavior as I have seen great progress in him since the hospital and the work he's done in therapy.

He has therapy today and will probably continue to be in a bad mood since he will talk about things that make him feel uncomfortable or he'll feel like a weight has been lifted. Who knows what I will get when he gets home.

My concern comes when he says he wants to start using again. He's been clean 8 months and, on the bad days, he says he wants a drink and drugs. His trigger is depression and feeling trapped in his own mind. This happened last Wednesday (we were in a situation that made him feel insecure), last night and this morning.

How do I show support without encouraging, enabling or giving in to the manipulative behavior? I continue to tell him what he is feeling is normal and ok. That he is strong and it will pass. That tomorrow has the potential of being a better day. I put on a brave face but inside I am completely shattered.

Any advice to help support me would be greatly appreciated.

Posted: September 26, 2018, 2:45 PM

Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018

Jenny, I understand that feeling of what do I say or do. As though if you say the wrong thing it will be your fault if he uses.
Are you getting therapy or support for you. Trying to be supportive is exhausting.
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