Jen
Posted: November 23, 2016, 9:41 AM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



As far as smart....I have a hard time navigating the website ect but they do have in person meetings ....although not as many as AA. I have gone a few times and have the book they use and it all makes sense to me. For myself I NEED to believe that I have the power to change this.

--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
    Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 10:26 AM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Ok...Bonnie you actually made alot of sense to me...I 'll look for ya over there. ..Jen...I agree...website is hard to navigate. ..but...i will explore some more as promised...and ..ya...I get that...I mean. .ya...I know I want to stay clean...but then weeks down the road.. and that goes out the window...if I leave it up to me...I'll choose to use...even when I don't want to. ..so...there's that...
Bonnie...can't find you over there ...im there as Nodd...website is hard to navigate..whew

This post has been edited by constantine on November 23, 2016, 12:12 PM
  Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 3:26 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



yep its confusing , I am trying to find your name on member list but typing in search machine wont give any result and then have over 600 pages... if you post anything just saying hello then I think could find you lol :) I did post earlier introduction just saying to what I am addicted and little bit about myself which should mean its easier to find me. It will take me time to find out what is what overthere as I got use to this website so mucch
  Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 4:18 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Ya...your name isn't coming up either...maybe we're in different websites? ..lol...here's the one I registered at... http://www.smartrecovery.org/
Maybe im not smart enough for smart recovery...at least maybe they're website...lol

  Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 5:44 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



ahh I didnt think that maybe I am smart uk .. will check now but now you mentioned I am sure this is the problem, oh well it seems I will have to walk alone on this one :)
  Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 6:09 PM


Posts: 529
Joined: October 15, 2016



ok apparently I made account with your Smart on month ago but by mistake gave wrong email address so cant get activation code anyway I just left message to them explaining what is problem so hopefully it will be corrected
  Top
Posted: November 23, 2016, 11:48 PM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Ah CON ya made me laugh out loud AGAIN....wonderful feeling . Thank you.

--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
    Top
Posted: November 24, 2016, 1:47 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Well now ma'am...glad I could give u a giggle..lol....take care everyone. ..and happy turkey day to those stateside...I couldn't resist...sorry...

https://youtu.be/5r1akLZkVe4

  Top
Posted: December 17, 2016, 7:25 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Hope your ok Jen...haven't heard from you a bit...

Con

This post has been edited by constantine on December 17, 2016, 7:26 PM
  Top
Posted: December 18, 2016, 2:39 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Ok lady...I know you were struggling. ..so if ya lost ...be safe...if your just fcking busy...hope all is well...In my thoughts girl...stay sane

Con
  Top
Posted: January 7, 2017, 4:45 AM


Posts: 120
Joined: September 1, 2016



Hi Jen,
I saw a post from you on a different message board. Just wanted to say I'm glad you responded. I haven't heard/seen any posts from you lately and was hoping you were doing ok.
  Top
Posted: January 7, 2017, 8:55 AM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Hey...Im sorry Im just seeing this...Im still here alive and kicking..somewhat. Ive kind of took a break over the holidays. I have a lot of health issues right now from complications of a heriditary disorder I have called Ehlers Danlos. Its taken everything have to not go off the deep end. Last time I used was New Years and I have decided ONCE AGAIN that its just not worth the consequences BUT that being said Ive also kind of stopped doing ANYTHING as far as recovery...this seems to be a pattern with me. ...just get SO f***IN SICK AND TIRED of FIGHTING all the time. You wouldn't think life was MEANT to be a DAILY battle. Anyway I do appreciate you guys asking about me!


--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
    Top
Posted: January 7, 2017, 1:43 PM


Posts: 521
Joined: August 28, 2016



Hi Jen--

Glad to see you back and posting. I so value your posts and Con's and Bonnie's! Missed all of you over the holidays! Now with the New Year (as Con said) it is the time when most of us buckle down and get more serious!

I am more determined than ever to stop all enabling with my son!

Thanks for all you guys being supportive and please keep posting!

(((HUGS))) Lori
  Top
Posted: January 8, 2017, 7:51 AM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Thanks Duchess!


--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
    Top
Posted: February 1, 2017, 4:18 PM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Jen....thinking of ya....check in if you can...stay safe lady
  Top
Posted: February 3, 2017, 8:46 AM


Posts: 288
Joined: October 12, 2006



Thanks for thinking of me Con! Im doing ok....lots of health issues from my Ehlers Danlos. Im scheduled to get knee replacement surgery this Monday and am scared. It seems once I hit 50 my health really started to deteriorate and Im afraid for my future. I feel like most of my days SINCE my Daddy died last October are FEAR FUELED. Everything seems overwhelming. I second guess every damn decision I make from selling the house to what to make for dinner. If you are interested I would love to be able to chat more like in emails or FB maybe...please let me know and do not feel any obligation.

--------------------

JEN

I have not been given a spirit of fear but of power,love and a sound mind.
    Top
Posted: February 4, 2017, 5:59 AM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Hey lady..
Health issues ARE scary....and for us...sometimes more so since we have and still do abuse ourselves so well...hardest thing I need to learn is how to take better care of myself. ..fck...make that...just take care of myself. ..or...to care enough to take care of myself. ..im sorry your struggling with so much...some days it seems like s*** won't end...sure...I do FB...messenger keeps me in the loop with a lot of struggling friends...though the fb page itself is somewhat my normie mask...if I can call that normal...lol....not sure how to connect without blowing our cover here or listing a email were not suppose to do. .but let me know...im up for it...take it slow...fear is paralyzing if we think too much...right ?

Con

This post has been edited by constantine on February 4, 2017, 6:00 AM
  Top
Posted: February 4, 2017, 7:49 AM


Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016



Sorry to butt in . . .

Had to tell you Con & Jen that you (once again) put into words how I've been feeling . . . I've been trying to explain what's been going thru my head & heart . . .you all said it . . . .Everything is overwhelming . . .Not caring enough to take better care of me . . .hell, to take care of me. My FB page being normie me. Struggling. But tired of fighting. Trying to soothe/stop the pain with anything . . .

Are you sure you all aren't mind readers????

Praying for peace & strength for all us,
Lynn
xoxo

This post has been edited by hurtingmom on February 4, 2017, 10:05 AM

--------------------

I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
  Top
Posted: February 4, 2017, 11:54 AM


Posts: 2616
Joined: January 4, 2008



Grief my friend is a twisted road...be gentle with yourself...your loved beyond measure...you've got a heavy weight to carry...if I can help carry it with you in any way...you only have to ask...sending smiles and a peaceful vibe to you...keep on treading the water ... .we're all swimming in the same swamp some days..can't imagine better company to have there.

This was one of my music picks today.. English translation below...guess it was for you Lynn...so going out to all of us in the boat....

https://youtu.be/srN1GsnBui8

Come in my boat
a storm is rising
and the night is coming
Where do you want to go
so completely alone
you are drifting away
Who will hold your hand
when it
pulls you under

Where do you want to go
So boundless,
the cold sea
Come in my boat,
The winds of autumn
keeps the sails stiff

Now you stand
under the lantern
with tears upon your face
The daylight falls to the side
The autumn wind sweeps empty the streets

Now you stand
under the lantern
with tears upon your face
The evening light
chases the shadows
Time stands still
and it becomes
The autumn

Come in my boat
Longing is the helmsmen
Come in my boat
the best sailor
was I

Now you are standing
under the lantern
with tears upon your face
You take the fire from the candle
Time stands still
And it becomes
The autumn

They only spoke of your mother
so merciless is the night
In the end I'm left alone
Time stands still
I am so cold

This post has been edited by constantine on February 4, 2017, 2:23 PM

  Top
Posted: February 5, 2017, 12:30 PM


Posts: 635
Joined: April 4, 2016



Youtube is a beautiful thing. Before you posted the English lyrics (do you speak German?), I found them. LOL. But yours were much easier to read.

Great description of where I am . . .in the boat.

Apparently, I am in the same boat as you all. As per my other post, it is now confirmed that I am an addict. My DOC is not heroin or meth or coke. Remember my table of drugs. But I do devote time every day . . .okay, okay . . .several times a day . . . to my habits. So . . .yes, I am grieving . . .there's no doubt about that. But I am also staring at MY demons straight in the face. Not to make me responsible or say that I caused J's addiction . . .but to deal with who I am and my coping skills (or lack thereof). The goal, I hope, is to help me work thru my grief as well as rebuild & reorganize me & my life. I think the therapist thinks she is gonna get me to put down all my vices in this process. I'd LOVE to stop smoking cigs. That would be great. But everything?????? Humph . . .we will see. ;-)

Lynn

--------------------

I forgot to read the fine print, when i signed up to be your Mom. I thought it would be smiles & hugs and quite a lot of fun.

I didn’t see the part about addiction, mental illness, pain, hopelessness or despair. I didn’t know life could be so flipping unfair.

But I now see something in the fine print that I didn’t see before. It also says to survive your addiction, I must love me more.


In Loving Memory of my angel, J. #forever21 #ihateaddiction #foreverloved
  top of page  Top