|I'm in recovery for 34 days now and regular attendance at N.A. meetings keeping me clean today but I feel insane. I wake up each morning with a feeling of gratitude for my life and for my children but as the day progresses I become anxious and sick to my stomach and so very sad. I feel a constant battle in trying to let go of past relationship with my addict ex who I still love and who has hurt me deeply.
It took me a long time to look at myself and realise that I'm an addict and found I always ended up in relationship with partner with more obvios problems than me. I'm a carer and over a long period of time I was avoiding looking in the mirror and am a co dependent who wound up in relationships with other codependents. I feel a lot of pain around my recent ex and still love him despite the hurts and betrayals involved, I struggle to let go. I have moved house and changed phone number but cannot stop obsessing. I'm starting written work with the steps and constantly try to hand it over to my higher power but the feelings him will put me back out there if i dont find way to absolutely accept and let go. I want the pain to stop and to not feel so scared and vulnerable but using again is not an option and I know where it will bring me. Really need feedback friends. Love and light to you all x