My Fiancé Is An Alcoholic And I’m Ready To Leave
Posted: February 19, 2020, 1:41 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Thank you for the reminders, mtnmom and parenting. My co dependency is continually a challenge that I’m working with. And with my new job I haven’t been able to get to meetings as frequently as I would like but I got back on my program yesterday and went to a meeting again tonight. Also just so grateful this space exists. I learn so much through your respective journeys, experience, strength and hope.

One bit of good news, I managed to ignore/block his messages since yesterday when he texted me late and appeared to be drinking (again). I know this isn’t healthy for me to continue to engage and to manipulate to avoid conflict and hurting him. I know I can no longer give false hope when I know in my heart it’s not going to work. Besides the fact I can’t even begin to count all the false hope he’s given me. So there’s that. All in all today was a better day emotionally. I’m safe and that means everything. Why In the world would I ever betray my own safety, self worth, and care? Oh yeah...I grew up in a home with a parent who was an addict/alcoholic and a grandmother who was an enabler/fixer/ controller...no wonder why I have issues! Lol Anyway, I’m grateful to be aware so I can continue to do the work. Some days it seems so painful though. Thanks for being a sounding board and beacon of support! ((Hugs))
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Posted: February 19, 2020, 9:47 PM


Posts: 363
Joined: November 16, 2017



That's great. It helps so much to "talk" things through with people who understand. I am always amazed how my mindset can change so fast to healthy when I share a problem.

I have never, ever blocked my son. I just could not bring myself to do it. I finally did about 4 days ago because I just had to FOCUS on my responsibilities and my life. I had so much to do at work and I realized that this texting pattern we have is not healthy for him or for me. For some reason it FINALLY became clear to me that it was the right thing to do to block him for awhile.

I felt SO much better! The weird thing is I think he felt better too. It seemed to break that unhealthy cycle I had fallen into and (I think) helped him grow up a little and answer his own questions.

Keep posting everyone. I get so much out of the discussion here.
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Posted: February 20, 2020, 12:01 AM


Posts: 150
Joined: November 10, 2019



Good for you Hopeful! There are certain people in my life I have gone 'no contact' with because they are abusive. It helps keep me from 'putting my hand in the toaster' and it frees me from their fish bowl.
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Posted: February 20, 2020, 8:57 PM


Posts: 278
Joined: December 23, 2018



Good for you Hopeful!!! Baby steps, you are making positive steps FORWARD & you are recognizing that they were needed & necessary steps for you.
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Posted: February 23, 2020, 12:46 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Parenting, you’re right it does help to talk about it. I can imagine it was hard to block your son for that time but that it did help interrupt that pattern. Sometimes I think that’s part of it, challenging old patterns and defining new boundaries. Progress over perfection right? I’m so grateful for all of you. You are all truly angels. Hard to believe so much has happened and it’s been such a short time. It’s all bitter sweet. Tonight I’m thinking about all of you strong, caring souls and all the qualifiers in our life- our loved ones.... I am praying for you and for their wellbeing, asking my higher power and theirs to look after them, protect them, and guide them toward their highest good. I am praying that their higher power help them remember their inherent, basic goodness and that our loved ones find the strength to find their way to sustained sobriety and recovery. Big hugs to you all.
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Posted: February 23, 2020, 2:10 AM


Posts: 150
Joined: November 10, 2019



Thank you hopeful and the same prays for you too!
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Posted: April 7, 2020, 2:07 AM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Hi all- it’s been a little over a month since I last posted. I pray that you all are staying safe and taking good care. To say that these unprecedented and uncertain times aren’t an exercise in continually surrendering to the moment would be an understatement. When I finally managed to get enough courage and strength to get out of a very unhealthy relational dynamic with my qualifier, the current state of affairs came swooping in, impacting all of us. I am grateful that I lined up a job before I left my alcoholic partner, but even that is uncertain. I am just focusing on each day as it comes. I recently committed to a 52 week 12 step program for Adult Children of Addicts/alcoholics/dysfunctional families after realizing that all of my childhood traumas were triggered from this three year relationship. And now I have the long road of healing some old wounds so I don’t keep choosing the alcoholics wellbeing over my own. I still talk to him from time to time and have even seen him but it’s clear, I didn’t cause it, can’t cure it, and can’t control it. All I can do is do the deep, honest work about my co dependency and behaviors related to trying to fix, save, manipulate and control my ex partners alcoholism. More importantly, I want to say thank you to those of you who have been with me since that dark day and all the dark, tumultuous days that led to me finally getting out. You all kept me sane and gave me courage when I didn’t think I could do it. Thank you. Wherever you are, whatever you are going through, know that I’m out here praying for you and sending you love. Stay healthy and well.
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Posted: April 7, 2020, 7:48 AM


Posts: 150
Joined: November 10, 2019



I'm very happy for you hopeful. You left and you are growing. I wish you all the best!
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Posted: April 12, 2020, 10:13 AM


Posts: 278
Joined: December 23, 2018



Hopeful - how are things going now? So happy you are able to break away & please stay strong, healthy & safe! Please let us know how things are going

This post has been edited by mtnmom on April 12, 2020, 10:17 AM
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Posted: April 13, 2020, 12:54 PM


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019



Thank you, Sallyana and mtnmom! I’m doing well for the most part. This forced social distancing has made all the difference in the world for me. From time to time I will receive a text from my former partner, usually it’s when he has spiraled out of control and is on a binge. Before I used to feel guilty and thought if I hadn’t left he wouldn’t be binging every weekend, now I’m at a place where I can lovingly detach. It’s not my fault and there’s nothing I can do to change his patterns of behavior. In the meantime, I’m continuing to do a lot of self-work and healing. Thank you for thinking of me and asking. I hope you are well, mtnmom; I hope you’re able to find some peace for yourself and that you are doing well!
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