Being There For Him [2]
Posted: October 27, 2014, 4:43 PM

Posts: 3
Joined: October 27, 2014

Hello everybody,

I posted this over at Families/Partners and got advised to post in Recovery instead to get better advice!

I've found this board to be very helpful. I've been dating a recovering addict for about 2 years. I have never met anyone in this situation and he was very confident that it was something of the past so I never really thought about it as an obstacle to our relationship. He was also going through a divorce but seemed so confident and liberated that again, I didn't think much of it.
Our relationship has been on and off but we love each other deeply. For the last few months, he was a shadow of himself, his confidence had gone and we broke up again.

Turns out, he felt out of touch with the recovery programme, the 12 steps etc... So he needed time to work on himself. He's going back to meetings, trying to find a sponsor and working through things. I'm only just realising now that I had the wrong impression, his addiction isn't a baggage, it's a lifelong challenge that he has to face but I want to be supportive and he seems grateful that I'm offering to be there for him.

I know that he needs to be independently working on himself, that this is time and space that he needs so I don't know what to do (I'm not a very mothering/caring person by nature). I read a lot about cutting the cord for their own good, should I do that? How can I show support without over-crowding him?

Also, I struggle to find any information on people who have been clean for a decade +, it seems like the challenges are different. I wonder what would happen if he had children and felt down, would he leave then? Do people go to meetings for the rest of their lives? I wish I'd know what to expect so I can be understanding instead of feeling surprised and confused!

Thanks a lot!
Posted: March 3, 2015, 2:48 PM

Your post hit me hard. I married a man who spent close to two years in a faith based recovery program. Although I had members of my family who were addicts, I just didn't know what would be required of me. My husband regularly attends AA meetings throughout the week. Sometimes he goes more if he is feeling a little stressed. However, I never know when things are bothering him but his sponsors knows. My husband is also a recovering sex addict. I didn't know how much being a recovering sex addict would affect our marriage. He said in order for him to recover he had to suppress the thoughts and action of sex. He associated sex with drug use. So now since we are married, I tend to be the aggressor. Sometimes we are like a normal married couple and the next minute he closes down on me without warning.
Posted: January 26, 2016, 2:15 PM

I am in a relationship with a recovering sex addict. He's been in recovery since January 2010. I'm fascinated to hear how you both are doing in these relationships. I am going to meetings and therapy to understand the disease and him.
Posted: August 22, 2016, 2:22 PM

Posts: 9
Joined: August 21, 2016

I am also starting to date someone struggling with addiction and all the voices around me tell me to RUN!!! It's early enough where no investments have been made, no children, living arrangements or shared home.

Love or infatuation makes that a challenge for sure-- a challenge to just say no to people who happen to struggle with addiction.
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