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Sorry That My Posts Get Locked
sorry






Posted: July 16, 2008, 1:51 PM
I'm sorry that I can't even post here anymore without my posts getting locked.

This is bumpsnomore. I happened to check in this morning and was distressed to see my recovery post locked.

So I am not totally clean. I haven't smoked any pot since new years, the legal problem that ensued bc of it, well, it's made me reevaluate my use of it and I'm done. As for the pain meds, I'm working at it, I really am.

Carol/tropical, i don't know what I did to make you so that everytime I post you decide to knock me down for any accomplishment I may have made. I know that my behavior became erratic with my last manic swing and I apologize for it. I don't know what I can possibly do to make things right. And the people that decide they don't have the balls to put their names to a post and join up under another name, well, I pity you, I really do. I wish things were different, but I would hope to have just a little bit of respect from other addicts. Same for you Lisa. It seems that my decision to not post on this board was a correct one. I can't get support from y'all. For some reason you feel the need to criticize me and I just can't handle it.


I just know that I can't get support here and I think it's sad that you treat me this way, it makes the lurker afraid to ask for help.


So I'm sorry for whatever I've done, real or imagined.

Three years without sticking a needle into my arms is a big thing for me, you can't possibly understand the despair I was under.

Mods, go ahead and put a lock on this...


Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005


Posted: July 16, 2008, 3:23 PM
Janet it was my response that had the tread locked.

Sorry

You have evrey right to post and not be judged. Some people just cant change. Please do not leave over someones ignorance.

Off to an appointment hope to see you around later--

Your doing great --do noit give power to ignorant people Janet. Your better than that.

Jeff

--------------------
It is Just Not worth it.

"Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what the puck happened."

One Day At A Time


Posts: 1482
Joined: March 6, 2005


Posted: July 16, 2008, 3:57 PM
Janet its right there in your post, you just stopped smoking pot a few months ago you were not honest about being clean and it totally was upsetting to us that have worked to stay clean. there is no way that you would have been slammed about using pot it is that you have never been honest about your other drug use, i am glad you are 3 yrs clean off coke. that is a accomplisment. but seriously janet opiates are totally a different type of animal. i used coke back in the day and i just stopped, no real problem. just got out of hand. but opiates are more sneaky becuz they are usually legal and they are for legimate pain so we get into denial, we are all not getting down on you. just be honest. then all the support will be there. when you wean off the meds if you can you will feel totally different, opiates affect your brain and your thinking. thats why a few months ago i didnt even recognize your posts. there is a thin line between dependancy and addiction and once you cross the line its hard to get back. i just felt that we all reached out in the start of the year and were being lied to and that its just hard to trust when you are being sincere.
sorry






Posted: July 16, 2008, 5:11 PM
I'm at the point where Sub is becoming a good solution to make my addiction and recovery from pain pills "acceptable". I am not slamming anyone for using sub, it has helped many. I do feel however that this is a substitute drug that is acceptable to addicts here. So what do I do? Do I need to take this step for acceptance?

It's like me going out and shooting up meth to replace the cocaine. Not a true solution for me to stop using.

So now I have an addiction to pain meds. Yes, it is more of a physical dependence, but I will concede that I am addicted, I am down to 15mg of Lortab a day. I am working with my physicians to wean me off, I even went in last month and told them that it was time for me to get off of them. I still go to therapy weekly, I go to the psychiatrist monthly to get my Bipolar and Antidepressant medications. They are a fact of life, they allow me quality of life and allow me to function daily. I'm taking the steps to work on myself, I understand what addiction is and what is does to my life. It's not like I am sitting here counting my pills and trying to figure out how to stretch them out to last the month. It's not like I am calling around trying to get more, it never has been. It's not like I take more than I am prescribed. It's that I got physically dependent on them. If my doctor had done my surgery last year instead of waiting and putting me through pain management I wouldn't have this problem. My fibromyalgia has been much better than it ever was. I am taking Lyrica for it.

So maybe my next step is to just go with the flow and get on an "acceptable" medication for pain. My psych has been trying to get me onto Sub for months. He even concedes that I would have to be on it for quality of life, long-term for managing my pain. I see that he is trying to get me into the hospital that he has ownership in, for the allmighty dollar and to ensure that I will be "his" for the monthly visits to keep me on Sub. To me it seems that he is out for the money. I just don't know what to do anymore.

I know that I am working on it, and that's all I can do for now.


Posts: 1482
Joined: March 6, 2005


Posted: July 16, 2008, 5:18 PM
my dr wanted to put me on methadone for chronic pain and that was totally out of the question. i do not know anything about sub myself. if you have to take opiates for the rest of your life you will always feel chained to them. tramadol was suggested for me also but the horror stories of that kept me away. i use celebrex, advil, tons of hot baths and have cut my job down to half. really the physical part will be short lived compared to the habit of taking a pill to ease the pain, its really hard to break that ritual. you seem at this point to be very pro active in recovering and i applaud you for that. its hard janet, no easier softer way and believe me i looked hard for a easy out.


Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005


Posted: July 16, 2008, 5:58 PM
Janet I am not understanding your meaning --acceptance ? By who for what?

What ever you did yesterday means nothing. Whats important for you is to come up with a game plan and execute it to the best of your ability.

Lots of ways of kicking a drug. There is no right way,.

If your down to 15mg of lortab why not go C/T get involved in AA contin ue your therapy and doctors?

I assume you have no more pot. Do you have anybody who can hold your lortabs and dispense as needed until you decide what your going to do?

Janet i certainly would add AA until you feel your over the pills as Carol stated they (ALL PILLS)are tricky aopiates unlike coke kind of string you along IMO the coke brought me to my knees within 6 months--it took me decades to surrender to pills.(Thats my experience)

Anyway please discuss with your doctor about C/T and how you can do it in the safest place --

Whatevr you decide to do you have support here on this board.

Feel good Janet

Jeff

--------------------
It is Just Not worth it.

"Inside every older person is a younger person
wondering what the puck happened."

One Day At A Time


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004


Posted: July 19, 2008, 11:40 AM
If you want support Janet, tell the truth. We've read your posts over the years and you contridict yourself. That's how I got clean, people called me on my bs and I finally stopped lying to myself as well as others. If you need sub, you are addicted to painpills. Drs don't prescribe it unless you are. Both physically and mentally. You can't take them daily for years and not be. Start being real and you'll get all the support, love and help you could possibly need. I'll be first in line.

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I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
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