3 Years Today Or 1095 Days! And Still Not Happy!
Posted: September 3, 2006, 11:31 PM


Posts: 47
Joined: September 3, 2006



Ok today I am 3 years clean still going to meetings and I am even a sponsor and I am asked by many groups and inpatient rehabs to tell my storie and they keep me booked all the time...now... but, things are not as good as I had hoped for... First off I lost my nursing lic over the whole addition and IPN still has a hold on me and I cant get them back yet because this was my third time anyway that's not what is making me unhappy at this point.. so as you can see I am new to this board but not new to meetings or additicion... ok here is the bulk of what is making me unhappy and I need help with this....My husband is who took me to rehab 4 times delt with the money going missing was there on every visitor day and took care of our daughter...I was arrested for changing a prescription and he is a cop... He has been through so much with me but, now that I am sober I just want out... He has never know me as a sober person and we dont get along but he loves me more than life..Its me that is haveing a hard time... I feel slefish thats why I am still here ... Help Help Help ask any questions that you need to ask. He is still a enabler tho ...I had a headache and asked him to take me to the er that I needede a pain shot ....and my DOC WAS PAIN PILLS
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stefanie
Posted: January 15, 2007, 7:12 PM







Getting off drugs isn't easy....Been clean form Methadone for two years, Nov. 4th.
Life still sucks< only difference is I remember every day of it.
It's hard to be possitive, atleast for me.
I remind myself, how hard it was quitting, being a drug addict.Then I am grateful, just to be alive, and I take everyday one day at a time.
So I can relate.
Stefanie
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Posted: June 9, 2007, 7:21 PM


Posts: 846
Joined: June 9, 2004



i'm sorry things aren't good. but i look at it this way.
every bad day clean beats the best day high.

keep your chin up
peace
raerae

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
- Ann Landers


"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel.
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Fredie
Posted: June 27, 2007, 9:39 AM







HI..

hang in their girl, it will get better, it always does...you have to be so strong to get through this, but at least you have a chance. My husband was also an addict and so badly wanted help, but it was too late, he overdosed.
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Jean
Posted: November 9, 2007, 2:14 AM







Dear Not Happy Yet,
You have a major achievement to be happy about, 3 yrs. is a big deal. While in recovery we change and everything around us changes. You didn't mention if your husband was utililizing any type of recovery program, but if he isn't, I believe that it would be very helpful for both of you if he did. If he's not in a program or counseling, then the gap between the two of you will get wider as his disease progresses and yours goes farther into remission. He will be able to unlearn some of his codependent behaviors and then you both can talk about where your relationship may be going. When I sobered up, my husband thought that was great, until I started changing. Change is as scary for them as it is for me, but I wanted to change and he didn't think he needed to. We fought like crazy for about a year, until he decided to get help for himself ( not through my nagging, but through example ) and we agreed to have a heart to heart after 3 months. With no pressure to solve our marital differences, we just started to get along better than we ever have. We laugh, share, get to know one another, and enjoy our family members that we have been estranged from all these years. It took us a long time to get sick and it will take us a long time to get well. Remember, 2 sickies dosen't equal a wellie.
I pray for your continued sobriety and growth in your program. I find that when I am unhappy, it's because I feel that I am doing everything to keep myself sober and foget that my higher power is really doing all the miracles in my life, which I forget to be grateful for. I am so grateful that my family stuck by me during those years of darkness and I hope to be able to make amends to the fullest of my ability. We all did the best we could do with the tools we had at the time, but my tools are a lot better now, so I have to lead the way. I treat them as if they were a newcomer and practice my patience and tolerence skills at a very personal level. I ask my higher power for guidance every day in my relationships and when the time is right, he will answer. I know he will answer you, too. God Bless.
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Posted: December 26, 2007, 7:31 PM


Posts: 499
Joined: April 8, 2006



stef- I just started a long term mmt treatment, I've only used the rapid methadone detox treatment before, the highs and lows (emotionally) suck, am I just prolonging the inevitable here??? Every toher time I quit was cold turkey, I just can't put myself through that again.


Okay anyway, 3 years!!!! Congrats! I can't make it past 1 or 1 and 1/2! I'm proud! Youll find yor peaceful spot.



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user posted image[
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mac1681
Posted: March 15, 2011, 7:08 PM







Young lady,
Your story is familiar. I have seen several RNs go thru the process of losing their license then the painful steps of going on probation with the Board, the consequences of their actions in their addiction.
It doesn't seem that you grasp the most significant piece of this: you did this! Far as your note describes, no one put a gun to your head. Either you are or you aren't responsible. What is it?
"So our troubles, we think, are of our own making." aa's big book
I can hardly believe in your value as a sponsor. What do you have to offer?
The program called for is one of surrender and action. All that is required is the capacity to be honest.
Good luck with this. I didn't want to be sober/clean to become miserable. not at 3 years, 5, 10 or 15 years.
Keep going to meetings. Don't look for the parade and the high 5's. Do what you're doing, minus the "headache" remedies, don't drink, speak less, don't use. All the other stuff takes G-d's own time.
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Posted: March 15, 2011, 7:27 PM


Posts: 8675
Joined: April 24, 2007



mac, the original post is 5 years old...
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JM
Posted: March 24, 2013, 2:02 PM







I have ben sober for many many years, The Road of recovery is tediousness and treacherous.
It is a very long and continuous process that has to be cared for like a small child.
The realities of life are never ending, and even though I say that I can handle them I am in constant need of experience strength and hope.

More then anything when in doubt Humor is very helpful

JM
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