My First Real Try
Posted: November 4, 2010, 2:05 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: November 4, 2010

So i have finally come to a point where i and everybody around me has come to realise i have a problem. A big one. My main vice is heroin but recently crack has joined the party, trouble is im now the only one left at the end of the night. For the past 18 months my addiction has become gradually worse , the rattle from lack of drugs more severe and is occurring more often. I have lied, cheated, stolen, borrowed and begged my way around everybody i can and shattered my relationship with my family, i can no longer pretend that i need money for, the gas or electric, an unexpected bill has arrived or some crisis has hit, everybody knows any money i ask for will be for drugs and evrybody has stopped giving.
I need to stop doing what im doing and i need to stop it fast, this really is last chance saloon for me. My children have gone to stay with my mum for a while because i really cant look after them properly right now, as much as i love them and never meant to cause them any pain i have clearly subjected them to my demons and that's wrong. Luckily my mum is still supporting me on some levels but im hanging on to her by the skin of my teeth and if i dont get clean i will loose both her and my kids.
So here i am, its been 4 days since i last used im on a methadone programme so im not going through the awful feelings of withdraw, its all just a mental thing. Im struggling to find things to fill my time and stop the boredom which in the past has led me to relapse, but this time i am determined, maybe for the first time actually, im really trying. I have a drug worker who im seeing once a week tomorrow will be my second time to give a sample to be tested and im hoping that after 5 days i should be clear of heroin and crack for the first time in a long time. Maybe getting a negative result will give me a bit of a lift, it would be great to be able to tell everybody i tested negative because i dont think anybody is expecting it. I have a huge way to go and its all a massive unknown, but at least i made a start right? we all have to start somewhere. I have been told that writing is theraputic so im going to continue this diary of sorts, and see how i get along. Feel free to comment i would love some advice from someone who is further down the road , or someone who like me is right at the beginning and maybe wants to chat.
  top of page  Top