Today Journal
Posted: June 12, 2008, 4:36 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



Im at work now and wish I could be warm at home. I am shaking like a fish out of water. My mouth is sore lips are sore, I look like crap. I think every one at work must know that im using. my wife send me a email this morning saying she want this joke to end, i hate what i do to her, everytime i think i've made it out of this hole then i end right back in it.

I should have gone to a meeting last night. I am lazy, i dont care about anyone but myself.

i just want my family - there are times when i feel board but the best moments are when everything is good at home,

my mom is not helping me by "bailing" me out everytime i mess up. I wouldnt be at work now if she didnt give me money last night and if i wasnt in work now i wouldnt have a job - no money for - school, food , house. (she is doing what she thinks is right) (thank you MOM for always being there for me)

got my sister at the bus stop this morning and didnt even greet her, when the bus stopped she asked me if its full and i just got on.

This post has been edited by Nylrem on June 17, 2008, 8:42 AM

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Posted: June 17, 2008, 8:56 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



Clean, I am and feel clean too.
Should have gotten up earlier this morning but wasnt that late at work, 10minutes.
Didnt go to the meetings on Saterday or Monday. I will go tomorrow night to the one in Grassy Park. I read the NA booklet and I am at step 1 and 2. I am trying mabey not hard enough, this is something I need to break through.
I feel cold as I'm writing this now.
Slept whole weekend.
I look better today than I did last week.
Was looking at my kids the weekend and I am really not giving them the best I can. I am depriving them of all the things I had as a kid.

Just for today.

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Posted: August 11, 2008, 8:37 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



another day the same feelings, seems as if I've walked a complete circle. I have learned a few things this time though.
-JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME
-STOP DRIVING AROUND ALONE
-TALK IF THINGS ARE GETTING TO MUCH


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Posted: August 20, 2008, 7:41 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



Nice day today, abit productive at work. I went running last night, it was good. I got up this morning showered got done for work. On the bus I was reading this Christian booklet about prayer, answered prayer. I was suprised that the prayers was everday things, like helping you to find a lost item, protecting from illness, protection from harm...
I've experience God answering everyday prayers and I was nice to read that others also experience this.
I wish I could find a Christian fellowship where my family and I can grow spirually and be involved in the Church and live godly lives.
NA is cool, but for me everybody and I stand to be corrected is like carbon copies of each other. I also dont like that after years of being clean some speak like life is still just "messed up" like they are still just messed up druggies. I am not being justmental, I am expressing my opinion and I am entitle to think for myself.
Anyway my wife got a promo and is earning what I earn. Thats ok, just as long as she doesnt earn more than me (my ego will no withstand it) (ha ha ha)

I've been craving alot the past view days especially this morning, its like as soon as I am idle the thought hit me. Its weired.
I need to do something... I'm going to a meeting - NA tonight and I'm planning to buy the step working guide as soon as I get paid. NA does help, I am giving it a try... just caustion. I want it to help me have a life not become my life. I think Im just full of nonsence.

back to work

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Posted: October 2, 2008, 8:31 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



this life of mine is a joke. one circle after the other.
this is nonsence.
im done with this joke

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Posted: August 30, 2011, 4:34 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



30 August 2011, the last time i posted on this message board was 3 years ago and reading my previous posts.....i am no further than i was 3 years ago.
I am still using, i am still broke, i am still hurting, i am still not giving my kids the best i am still looking for attention, I AM STUCK IN THIS DRUG TRAP!!!!!

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Posted: January 23, 2012, 9:51 AM


Posts: 47
Joined: June 11, 2008



23 january 2012 still using

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