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Posts: 2
Joined: April 4, 2007
Posted: April 4, 2007, 6:53 PM
I wrote this when I was going through a lot of mental withdrawals (depression/anxiety). 6 mos.opiate free. Have you ever felt this way?
LOST At first everything is fine, then something/anything will trigger that feeling that starts in your gut. You try to calm down but everything you try (not counting drugs) wont make the pain go away. Your mind feels like you're walking through a thick fog. Having to squint your eyes as they're welling up with tears. Trying to grasp some sense of direction but no matter how hard you try, you still feel lost. The dazed and numb feeling consumes your body like your sleepwalking. It's a nightmare that you cannot wake from. Simply because your not asleep and you start to realize that it is the terrible reality that has become life as you know it. After a while your body kicks into auto pilot and amazingly some how you make it through the day. Finally the day is over and you crash into bed to dream about the better days. And of course, eventually the sun comes up and you realize you have to go through the motions of what is known as "normal" life all over again. So you go so do your daily routine. Smile politely as your co-workers wave when they pass you by. Make sure to laugh when someone tells a joke. (that is suppose to be funny) But deep down inside your thinking to yourself, "What did I do so wrong in life to deserve this?" It is like someone "upstairs" looks down on you and says, "Oh, she hasn't any traumatizing experiences this month? Well lets throw a death in the family to shake things up and see how she handles that!" They're probably taking bets on if I press the "Exit" button or keep on trying to live to see more tragedy. A little about me, I've been opiate free for 6 months. I went through all the physical withdrawals ans I was prepared for that but I had on idea the mental withdrawals would be so bad. It kinda sucks being able to actually feel how many braincells and serotonin I lost. | ||
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