Posted: April 9, 2020, 10:23 AM

Posts: 3053
Joined: January 11, 2006

73 days. I dont know what to say today. I cried last night. I guess its ok to do that. I had my son (in a half way house) text to tell me he had to have a liver biopsy. I am grateful he is federal custody and can get care. He asked me what he should do. It was just a helpless feeling. I have had to detach with love. I can't solve his problems health or otherwise anymore. That is threadbare idea. I just told him I loved him & to be sure to ask lots of questions. I told him I pray for him & thinking positively. I also acted that way. The there was just a pall over the next couple of hours. I worked with a sponsee over Zoom at lunch and I actually heard myself saying a lot of things I needed to hear myself. It calmed me a lot. I dont have a sponsor right now in either programs. The good thing is I am developing a deeper relationship with a HP but I miss that connection. I am praying I just need to take some action. I didn't sleep well. So I will probably end up being emotional today too. Thats ok. I think this week I am having some grief. I've heard it the price of love. . . makes me not want to love anymore. Wow I am tearing up & Im at work so I'll just stop. I miss my sponsor, I miss my sister, and miss my son.
Just to off set that. I am grateful I heard I love you over text from both my children last night. Things dont look like I want them to but like my sponsor would say having your prayers answered doesn't always look like you think it should. So if I remove the how it should look I am very grateful that both my kids are alive and well. I can also trust my higher power to set me where he wants me to with sponsorship. He did once before when I had no idea what a sponsor even did really.. so there is that.
Just for today I will trust
Much Love & Respect,

My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins

Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."

"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen

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