Getting Ready To Try Again.
Posted: January 26, 2012, 1:04 PM


Posts: 274
Joined: May 20, 2011



So here I am again determined to stop. I think my biggest problem is that I have been able to quit numerous times without too much hardship. Ive gone months even years without smoking but then I'll be going through something and I smoke telling myself "Its ok, you can always quit again" Well, it has been WAY harder this time. I'm up to about a pack a day. I get sick very easy. I'm wheezing now, I gag and cough in the morning......I hate it. I dont even smoke in the house so I go in our nasty garage and read and smoke. I hate it all and yet the thought of quitting throws me into a panic...I'm gonna do it. I am so sick of feeling like this. Ive gotten bronchitis twice in the last 6 months. I dont want to be this way anymore. My doctor is mad at me. I would be scared to go to him with another case of bronchitis. He doesn't get it. I dont get it. Living with HIV, my numbers are low, yet I am still pouring poison into my lungs. Its just dumb! This is not who I want to be anymore. I dont want to be the screwed up victim. I want to be the strong positive person.....so that's who I'm gonna be :) Wish me luck.
p.s. Hey CG, the way I have personally always done it is by taking the lowest mg patch and starting with a whole one for a few days then cut it in half for a few and finally a quarter. I know the side of the box says never cut them. This is just how I do it. The first day with nothing sucks but its worked for me in the past and hopefully will again. Oh ya, and keeping your hands busy. I know this with sound juvenile but I play video games cause I can get totally absorbed. I also Knit and do other crafts but the video games work the best for me. :) I'm wishing you the best.
  Top
Posted: January 30, 2012, 8:56 AM


Posts: 274
Joined: May 20, 2011



Yesterday I only smoked 4 cigs. Im hoping to keep it down to 2 today and plan on none tomorrow. I have that terrible feeling in my chest, that panic you feel when you run out of cigs. Its not a good feeling. Im done. I do not want to smoke anymore. I want to be a good role model for my youngest who is only 14 and smokes already. Its the last addiction that I am holding on to. I just want to be free.
  Top
Posted: February 2, 2012, 2:46 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



How have you done the past few day Jessi? Did you quit?

We can help eachother...this is so hard.

--------------------
I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
  Top
Posted: February 3, 2012, 11:48 AM


Posts: 274
Joined: May 20, 2011



Hi CG!
Yesterday, I didnt smoke any and I only wore a 7 mg patch. So today will be day 2 smoke free. Im hoping to be nicotine free in few weeks. It is so hard. The day before yesterday I wore 2 patches (14 mg) and smoked 1 cig. So to cut it in half and not smoke at all really sucked. I couldnt even drink coffee yesterday cause it made me want to smoke. I was so mean and it felt so right to be mean. Like I felt like everything I was fighting about was completely justified. Today, I am ashamed. I was a b**ch to everyone. Lots of apologies to make today. Just pray that it gets better. Really I wanted to rip peoples heads off and my parents....living with parents at 41 is hard on a normal day but I love, respect and appreciate them so I guess normally I just keep quiet about things that drive me crazy cause this is their house and I feel so lucky to be a part of this family but not yesterday. I was a mess. Thank God my mom has quit smoking many times and understands. I already said sorry once and she laughed at me....that kinda made me mad too. Its all me. I am wrong. I am not in my right mind but I feel much better today. My mom and I had a nice conversation this morning...with coffee, thank God! I seem to be able to drink coffee today so that is great. I am really determined to see this through. Then what I really have to watch out for is wanting to smoke 6 months from now. I always do that and I dont want to make that mistake this time. Im so sick of going back and forth....So how are you doing, CG? What method are you using?
Oh guess what? So I come home yesterday and I see my kids with both garage doors open and shovels in their hands. The garage is where I always smoke. LOL! There are mice in the garage but I thought the shovels were a little extreme for that. Well it turns out my daughter saw a snake. (Its probably after the mice) All I could think of was, "I am sure glad I wont be out there smoking anymore." They never did find it. They said it wasnt that big, I felt bad for the snake. LOL! Im glad the didnt find it cause they only had shovels as a precaution. My oldest wanted to catch it not kill it.

Have a Great Day!
Today I pick up my youngest...wish me luck.
  Top
Posted: February 7, 2012, 1:56 PM


Posts: 20396
Joined: February 12, 2004



Ask your parents and kids to forgive you for the next few days. Tell them it isn't there fault and you will get better, it'll be worth it to them when you are finally done. I asked all of my family in advanced when I started the vape cigs. They don't care, they just want me to quit. My husband just pats me on the head and says you'll be ok, when I freak out. Of course that makes me madder but I'm learning to just laugh at myself at this point. Why is this so much harder than anything I've ever quit before? Nicotine should be listed as a scheduled drug.

As much as I hate snakes? I'm glad they didn't kill it. Snakes are good for killing mice. Mice carrry disease. I'll take a snake over a mouse any day. Actually, I would rather neither were anywhere near me but there you go.

You can do this honey. Don't give up. If you do, you'll have to start over and that really sucks. Get mad, get on your soapbox about how bad smoking is and how much you hate it. You'll soon start believing your own words. That's how I quit the last time and made it 17 years. I think I need to get a little more mad this time.

--------------------
I used Drugs to forget, I got clean to remember.
  top of page  Top