91
Posted: June 23, 2011, 9:59 AM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



Wow, I am sick. I have feasted and festered on that guys comments all day and night. I didn't go to the meeting. I don't want to change and I hate everyone. HOpefully this will pass. :)

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: June 23, 2011, 12:32 PM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



I hope it works out for you, Jane.

One thing I did want to comment on & it's part of the principles of the program, why the Traditions were wrote in order for the group to survive & continue.

When I showed up at AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, I was a hopeless, helpless drunk that COULD NOT stay sober, no matter how I tried, how much will power I had, no matter how much I loved my husband & 4 children (my youngest was only 3yrs old), how much I wanted to be responsible, that drink was so much more powerful than anything I had. PERIOD. It was an excruitating existance and way to live, so filled with shame, remorse, guilt, humilation, degradation, etc...........When I walked into the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous and listened, I heard people who had been where I had been and had gotten sober, then gotten better. I heard hope in the rooms, that I didn't have to live in the alcoholic black abyss that had taken my heart & soul. I found a way out.

Then, life got good, then better & I was cured. I relapsed about 10mos later on pain pills, valium & fioricet and ran on that relapse for about 8 yrs until I found this website & someone who had been there, done that, and found recovery again in the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I walked back into AA, I was now an addict on top of an alcoholic, I didn't know if I fit or not. What I've found is I need AA, AA doesn't need me.

I qualify as an alcoholic in Alcoholics Anonymous because now I am there to help the newcomer, that hopeless, helpless drunk that comes in with no hope like I did all those years ago. I want for people to be able to connect & identify so they can find the solution, so they don't have to die from this disease.

I know you went so you could quit smoking, and I commend you for that, you did awesome and today you don't smoke. But what I ask, and what that guy was probably trying to get across is, people are dying from alcohol and it's a serious, deadly disease and we keep coming back to help others achieve sobriety.

We can't drink responsibly, we all tried, to the gates of hell & insanity. We're alcoholics and so if you want to drink & can drink responsibly, then my hat is off to you, seriously, my husband can and it doesn't bug me one bit. But, when you come to a meeting of AA and stand up to receive an AA chip as a token of your sobriety and don't qualify as an alcoholic, don't be surprised if someone does say something to you. Remember, 90 days without a drink for an alcoholic is nothing short of a MIRACLE. I am one of those drunks.

You always have the option of going to NA, where the primary purpose is to stay abstinent from drugs and you don't have to qualify as an alcoholic.

As always, I wish you nothing but the best.
Take care,
Stacey

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Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 23, 2011, 1:19 PM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



Stacey, 90 days did you have it figured out?? I mean the worst part of me (so far) is my addiction to pain pills. When I say it I announce it with reverence because it took ALL from me. I was the hopeless addict as well, I realize the miracle. I also say it to remind myself where I came from. Not to take away from what the program offers to alcoholics. So I do see the point of view. I appreciate your translation. Sometimes I get caught up with the personality (the fact he was a guy) instead of hearing the message. Thank you.
Can I still go to the meetings? I mean it is helping me to live better, tools, friends and some spirituality. The NA meetings are late at night. I like this early morning meeting and until now I have felt very welcomed... Is there a time limit on figuring it out. I mean in the past I have drank, to get drunk. I don't do it often cause I don't LOVE it. But I do/did engage in it. I also am learning its a slippery slope. People on this board have warned me of that for the last 7 years. I don't think I am quick learner. I don't think I am unique. I just don't feel comfortable with saying I am an alcoholic until I "feel" it. Does that make sense?

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: June 23, 2011, 2:33 PM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



To attend an open meeting of AA, all you have to do is show up. If you attend a closed meeting, they do require you to have an honest desire to quit drinking and announce yourself as an alcoholic, this is for the protection of the group & the level of sharing & openness. It's to protect the anonymity of the people attending.

I'm not saying that you have to call yourself an alcoholic, I'm just saying that it's give & take. If you're receiving feed back from others, don't be offended. Some of the best teachers are the ones that rub me the wrong way.

At 90 days did I have it figured out I was an alcoholic, yes, but I am. My issue was flipped from yours, I KNEW with every fiber of my being I was an alcoholic and by the grace of God I haven't picked up a drink in 13 1/2yrs, my problem is I tried to compartamenlized myself & my addictions so when I got sober, I gave myself permission to take medication prescribed by my doctor & it didn't turn out well, in fact it damned near killed me trying to do things my way.

When I got clean & hit that all purpose bottom, I knew, without any reservations in my head or heart, that I am an addict & an alcoholic and if I take anything mind-altering, mood enhancing that I'll wind up dead.

It took me time though, Jane, years of doing everything my way to figure out that my thinking sucks. I still get the occassional thought of smoking a joint with everyone while we're out camping in the mountains, it was never my DOC nor did I really like weed then I think, if I didn't like it why in the hell am I thinking about smoking it? Because, I LIKE mood enhancing chemicals. I am an addict.

Keep coming back & leave the pride & ego at the door when you walk in, that's what I try to do.

xoxo
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 23, 2011, 2:38 PM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



Pride and ego Check.

Thats a tuff one. Those are my armor. point taken, I also like to change my moods. I know for a fact that right now if I were to pick up a drink, I would smoke. There is no doubt in my mind. There is no line there at all. So to stick with my own singleness of purpose right now wich is to quit smoking.
So true about the rub the wrong wayers. At leat I know how I don't want to be. And who knows years from now it could be a part of my story. The guy who asked if I would announce myself Alcoholic. LOL! Thanks Stacey. You are a good example of AA. :)

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: June 23, 2011, 3:52 PM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Glad it was taken as intended...LOL

Now, back to your morning meeting tomorrow. We don't quit doing what's good for us because something didn't go the way we wanted it to go, that's OLD behaviors <beg>.

xoxo
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 23, 2011, 5:53 PM


Posts: 1901
Joined: December 25, 2007



I'm proud of you Jane. Congrats!

There are people in my alanon group who I wish wouldn't come. I try to remember the "we place principles above personalities" lingo that we recite at every meeting.

But yeah, he was a duche bag.

--------------------
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I am a recovering codependent, and mother of a recently relapsed drug and alcohol addicted (20 year addiction) adult daughter.

Thinking we are in control of anything or anyone else but ourselves is an illusion. And actually we have very little control over what happens to us as well. What will happen will happen. So let go & let God. This is my path to serenity. What happens if we just let go of what we "think" we are controlling? The world keeps on turning and life goes on. I trust that the Lord Jesus will bring me through what He brings me to.

Take what you need & leave the rest.

I sometimes have bad days. That's ok, I used to have bad years.

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jesus loves us.

LAFFStore
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Posted: June 23, 2011, 7:05 PM


Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007



I find it very satisfying to call someone a douche bag...why is that?

Jane, don't keep yourself from the good stuff because of the bad stuff...that's what starts the bad-stuff ball rolling.

Peace out ~ M&M

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You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

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Posted: June 24, 2011, 10:52 AM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



I love you guys. LOL! Duche bag is so self satisfying. Even if/when I am wrong. LAC M&M STacey. Your my rocks. *not rocks or pet rocks* just stable kind and encouraging. Thanks for the encouragement.

Love you,
jane

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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  Top
Posted: June 24, 2011, 11:37 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Did you make the meeting this morning?

This post has been edited by 24Gordon on June 24, 2011, 11:44 AM

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 24, 2011, 1:58 PM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



No but not for the reason of avoidence. I stayed at my BFs house. He lives in another city. So I intend to go back, but probably not till Monday since I will spend the weekend up at his place. I did my 90 in 90 though!! So I still want to go alot cause I love how it feels.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
  Top
Posted: June 24, 2011, 5:45 PM


Posts: 1901
Joined: December 25, 2007



Yay!! You did your 90 in 90!! Way to go!! So proud of you!!

--------------------
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

I am a recovering codependent, and mother of a recently relapsed drug and alcohol addicted (20 year addiction) adult daughter.

Thinking we are in control of anything or anyone else but ourselves is an illusion. And actually we have very little control over what happens to us as well. What will happen will happen. So let go & let God. This is my path to serenity. What happens if we just let go of what we "think" we are controlling? The world keeps on turning and life goes on. I trust that the Lord Jesus will bring me through what He brings me to.

Take what you need & leave the rest.

I sometimes have bad days. That's ok, I used to have bad years.

The Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Jesus loves us.

LAFFStore
  Top
Posted: April 27, 2020, 10:04 AM


Posts: 3070
Joined: January 11, 2006



91. I like reading that previous posts. I think I was at the jumping off point. I jumped in and I haven't really looked back. The funny thing is the guy that I was writing about grew to be a close friend. He also went back out in true alcoholic style really f***ed up his life. But now he is ok. He doesn't come to meetings anymore and he is anti AA. He is a friend on facebook and writes openly about distrust of AA. He seems to be doing well though all other thigns aside.
I am grateful to be in a program like AA today and this advice of being able to hear things and not get so offended. Some of the most growth I have done is when I hear things i dont want to hear about myself. It stung and then grew. Thats how it has happened for me.
So amazingly grateful for the women on this board that always showed up for me. Watched me grow and encouraged me. This became the foundation for my recovery. I am sure glad i Stuck around. AA continues to grow up around me. I found a lady to talk to who agreed to be temp sponsor she lives in Sacramento but got sober in Utah. Its a friend of a friend in the program. She was kind and listened and talked with me for about an hour over the weekend. I dont know if it will work out but she gave me the suggestion of meditaiton & prayer and "Upon awakening" so I am doing that and I will call her again Saturday. She sounded solid and I must like that areas brand of AA thats where my dear previous sponsor was from.
Trusting God today.
Much love & respect Jane

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
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