90
Posted: June 22, 2011, 10:19 AM


Posts: 2945
Joined: January 11, 2006



Well I got my chip today and it was a terrible experience the guy who gave it told me I need to announce myself as an Alcoholic. NOw just because he said that I'm thinking f*** you and f*** this place. First time I haven't felt a part of AA. What a duche bag.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: June 22, 2011, 10:45 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Jane,
Is it a closed meeting or open meeting? And how do you qualify?

For me, there are those that rub me the wrong way in the rooms but there are WAY MORE that are there working the principles and doing the deal. I hang with them and remember, to my ownself be true.

My BFF drilled it into my head in early sobriety, the program of Alcoholics Anonymous is in the Big book & the Steps. The meetings are the fellowship, NOT the program.

Hope you don't let one persons ideas drive you away. Congratulations on 90 days, that's a huge accomplishment and right around when everything started to calm down & level out for me.

xoxo
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 22, 2011, 11:04 AM


Posts: 2945
Joined: January 11, 2006



Agreed. After I had typed that I used some tools to work through it in my own mind. Why the hell would I be offended by someone asking me to look at that in myself. I don't mind alcoholics, in fact I love quite a few of them. If I come to a program of Alcoholics I must have some reason. The truth is I didn't show up at AA to quit drinking I showed up to quit smoking and as a by product, I also quit drinking. The quitting smoking was easier when I use the steps and the support of the group, to take a hard look at myself. If I announce I am an alcoholic right now, I would be doing it for them/him. I can however, start looking at the reasons that I don't wan to announce myself that way...?? that is a good question. I never wanted to be an alcoholic, and you know what probably niether did anyone there. So I didn't not announce it to set myself apart. Its because I didn't want to be one. I haven't YET and I emphasise YET become a full blown alcoholic but that doesn't mean I am not a half blown or a kinda blown or sporadic or binge drinking alcoholic. I do belong there. I earned my seat somehow. I can announce myself as such. IT wont hurt anything and it probably wouldn't be that far from the truth any how. I am not unique.

PS It is an Open meeting. :)

This post has been edited by justjane on June 22, 2011, 11:06 AM

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
  Top
Posted: June 22, 2011, 11:26 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Hi, I'm Stacey, I'm an alcoholic. (I might not have wanted to be one but I am and today, very grateful I am one...lol)

Wow, look at you. You, my friend, have gotten the glow & I am soooooo happy for you.

I am in awe at the changes in you & how you can see the world through different eyes. I, too, can do that today, get irritated at someone, then stop and have to look at myself & my part. It is true, other people can't make me angry. *smile*

So, now the miracles are happening, I do urge you to continue on your journey, it does keep getting better, Jane.

Much love & loads of respect.

Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 22, 2011, 12:03 PM


Posts: 2945
Joined: January 11, 2006



Well, that is where I am at. I'm still pissed inside, but I am working through it. I guess that is the blessing this program is giving me chance to pause, and a choice not to "act out" But run it by someone I admire, and think of other choices. I already don't want to go back to AA. Part of it though I have to admit is some pride thing. I need to look at that too. Who knows what I will do tomorrow or even tonight.
Here are two scenerios going on in my mind. Here I go # 1: This is one thing I would drink over, I mean really f*** it. I am not an REAL alcoholic, Right?? IDK. At least I have some tools to work with and someone to call. If I choose to drink hopefully it is before I pick up. Maybe since I made my 90 days that I allowed myself I can now look at it and say f*** it I didn't really want to quit drinking in the first place and now the program showed up with my excuse, some guy who is pissed that he can't drink responsibly. So f*** this insitution and f*** that guy. f*** everyone I know what will make me feel better, a place where I can fit in with my family and really just drink and play the "game"
or #2. Look at myself and why I am pissed about that. Work through it. See the blessings in today and the ways I can feel grateful for the people and the steps. Realize I can still love my family and not fix them.
Everyone in my life is active alcohlic or addict +except my BF and my daughter, me and the new pepople in my life. Where does that leave me? At the turning point where, I let go absolutely or hang on to the old way???
Increbily both are in my mind and right now I don't know wich will win.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
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