84
Posted: June 16, 2011, 10:13 AM


Posts: 2969
Joined: January 11, 2006



Went to my early morning meeting. Wow! That place settles my soul. Today one of the old timers was sharing about accidental use (WTF) I guess it happens. IDK hasn't happened to me YET. I shared though what had happened to me this year. The neck the use of loritab, the use of Ultram, etc... Maybe that was accidental use. Again I don't know. But I want to share on that here. Maybe for my own clarity on a Higher Power and a bigger plan. I quit pills 6 almost 7 years ago found this spot. At that point I figured I could still drink and work a recovery program. I don't neccesarily debunk that. I worked a program the best I could at that point in my life. I came here I shared I learned. But where it lead me eventually *disclaimer* I had a neck injury that was incredbily painful. *disclaimer over* It lead me to the use of my drug of choice again. Call it a slip call it a relapse. That is where it lead me. The flip side of that is because I was here (ARG) and I had people in recovery whose voices I hear (hear over the voices in my head if that makes sense) they told me to go back to what kept my life working. The voices of Stacey and Lisa an Sandra and Carol (those are the ones who stick out the most) momg And Sammy (god rest her soul) and many others you know who you are. The constants of this site. The people who "get it" And I made it back to a place that is safe. I am sober through the grace of God, who works in my life daily. If I can clear away the static and the bulls*** that enters my life and my head daily. He will guide me and has a bigger plan. Even when I get anxious and controlling and bizarre. He is there guiding my life. He has a plan that is better than mine. I sometimes try to make people in my life: my mom, my ex, and my bf my higher power. And when I do it makes my life crazy and gives them this POWER that they don't even want. And then the fight and the struggle to get out from under my grip. If I cease and believe I have changed and work from today forward to be a better person and focus on me and gratitude and love and sharing and caring. It will probably work out for the best. Or at least work out. It will work out even if my hand is not right in the middle of it "managing" the whole thing. In fact if I take my hand out it may turn out better than I expected. Just like the last little bit. Somehow I am back safe in Gods and AA, and the groups hands.
Love
jane

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: June 16, 2011, 4:38 PM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



I can tell by the end of the first sentence of your posts if you made it to your morning meeting <eg>.

Keep coming back, it works if you work it...

Smooches,
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: June 16, 2011, 4:49 PM


Posts: 2969
Joined: January 11, 2006



LOL! I agree. I think I finally know what the sunlight of the spirit means. Can you be addicted to meetings? What a cool deal. Today I feel so blessed. I hope the familiar feeling of what will go wrong, its not possible to feel this good without the dread. But I am gonna try it. :)
Thanks friend.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
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