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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: June 7, 2011, 9:55 AM
Urg. Missed my meeting this morning. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep. So when the alarm went off at 5:30 I just couldn't do it. I love that meeting so much, it sends a perfect tone to the day. I guess I will do the 5:30pm. I am frustrated with myself I am being a jaywalker.... I can't seem to get the next right action in gear. I need to call a lawyer, and yet in my controlling sttate of mind I just want to wait until after E birthday, because if I know my ex (and I do) He will tell E he can't ahve a present because now he has to get a lawyer. f*** I hate this. And BTW I haven't seen E or heard from him since Sunday when he texted to ask about the car. I had texted I love you. He texted back when can I have the car. What a little f***. I have got to get off this ride. It hurts. But the Jay walker in me continues.
On a brighter note. The sun is shining I wore shorts/kulats to work today. I have a good job, a great boyfriend, and a daughter that is home (even if she is driving me crazy) . I have also made it 75 days without smoking. I read steps nine and ten in the 12 and 12 last night and actually calmned myself down through prayer and meditation. Then thought for the morning said: "Dysfunctional systems will fall under their own weight. Let them." If I am the dysfunction system and I am falling I hope I don't have to fall any further. If on the other hand my family (sister and mom and E) are the dysfunciton then I guess they will fall in time. Ok onward upward. One day at a time things will improve. I just got to stop staring at the unpheaval. It will all work out. Or as my dad says destiny rules. Love, Jane This post has been edited by justjane on June 7, 2011, 9:55 AM -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: June 7, 2011, 11:10 AM
From how I read it, you're unwilling to take the next right action. You pretty much know in your gut what to do, you're just too busy doing the opposite by trying to control a situation you are powerless over & also, I see you planning the outcome & a whole bunch of premeditated resentments being built. How long are you going to try & control the relationship between E & his Dad. You do realize, that it really is none of your business and the relationship, whatever it may or may not be, is between the two of them, let them work it out. And if he can't afford a birthday present, that's on him. As long as you put yourself in charge of them, you will stay crazy & miserable. It truly is a choice. Today you have the choice to enjoy your life & live it and be happy or you can choose to be in other peoples business and be miserable because it WON'T turn out the way you plan it too. So, I'm curious, did E get the car after the texts? -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: June 7, 2011, 1:14 PM
Hell no. I still haven't seen him and he stiffed me on the insurance. Luckily his birthday is in 10 days and since I had to pay it anyway, that is his birthday present. The six months we agreed to is up in July. So after that I will just take it as it comes. One thing at a time right. I guess I will pray for the willingness to do what I ought to do.
Thanks Stacey -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: June 7, 2011, 2:44 PM
Jane,
What I'm finding out in life is I used to "put myself" into a lot of business that wasn't mine. Today I pray to see what's mine & what's not and I pray to do the next right thing and sometimes that means having to be humble and sometimes, for me, it's discarding my "rights" and the need to be right for happiness. I remember so very vividly my BFF asking me more than once "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" I use this saying quite often when I find myself struggling with holding on to something. I want to be happy, life's to damn short to worry anymore about the little stuff and it's all little stuff. I want to live life, I want to enjoy life, and I want to help others. Simple things. As far as E having car insurance, you don't have to pay it. That's a luxary, not a necessity. My girls didn't even get their drivers licenses until they were 18yrs old. Driving is a privelage and with it comes responsibilities and honestly, if they don't respect that, they can find their own insurance & pay out of their pocket, I am not jeopordizing nor taking liability on my insurance policy for others. My oldest was in & out of juvie so he never got his license nor would I even have considered putting him on our insurance. And the healthcare, find an advocate or paralegal and have them file the necessary paperwork to get it in writing what he should be paying, what you should be covering and follow through with it so you don't have to "be in limbo" and dealing with this for another 6 years. It is simple, not easy, but simple. xoxo Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: June 7, 2011, 3:17 PM
I like you because you keep it simple. Now if you were only here to hold my hand whiel I did it. It really is my biggest fear. For some god awful reason. Its like I am having a response from the past, when I honestly believed I would loose my kids to him and his new wife. It is still that scary. (in my mind)
-------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 11, 2020, 2:57 PM
75. Bleh. Yucky reading that it’s such a yucky memory but it’s over now I didn’t do anything and it was chaos because of it but it’s all in the past now today I woke up around 7 miles with my PRF even though keeping my social distances down a beautiful Canyon in Utah , hit a morning Zoom meeting and now I’m sitting outside soaking up some sun enjoying my quarantine in my home/backyard 75 days is a long time I hope I can keep it up being quarantined helps I don’t get out & see anyone smoking so .. so far so good. A little bored today. I’m also on and off angry at my hubby. I am not sure why. I guess because he is perfectly happy to sit and play video games and what feels like ignoring me. In my mind I know he is not doing it to me-he’s just doing it. He’s leaving to go to San Fran tomorrow. He will be gone for a week maybe I get mad at him to make it easier that oh is going. I don’t know but I’m irritated as hell.
Still SMober and sober Life is good Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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