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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: June 1, 2011, 10:16 AM
Today it has been suggested by my higher power. I just do what is in front of me. I cannot "fix" ( I am terming that getting my fix) Because I have been doing that compulsively for the last little while. I don't know how to stop doing it. I keep thinking I am beat and I wont do it anymore then I pick up again. And by the time I realize what I am doing. I am like the alcoholic in the big book. Banging my fist against the bar. WHY??? I seriously have no control over my controlling. It is pitiful, maybe incomprehensible demoralization. I can hardly believe who I have become. And I am not doing the "reverse pride" It is seriously wonderous. Guess I will work a step. I am truley powerless period.
Just for today, I am not going to spin my world and my problems to be bigger than God. I will WORK on work. Then PRAY for the next right thing. Not THINK it and please God help me be willing to do that, not every day just today. -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: June 1, 2011, 1:20 PM
What step are you currently on right now, Jane? step 6 & 7?
BTW, congratulations on 69 days, that is a miracle. To be smoke free, alcohol free, drug free....all the other "stuff" is the little "stuff" and you know what they say, don't sweat the small "stuff" and it's all small stuff....~smile~ To Let Go means to surrender. -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: June 1, 2011, 3:06 PM
*Waiving really large and jumping up and down* Hi! There you are. Glad you are back. I think I am still working on 4. My sponsor went in for surgery and she has been basically unavailable. At least I think she is. I am not sure because I text her and check on her. But I keep not wanting to bother her since she is post surgery. I don't know whats real and what is in my head. (does that make sense) The last time I talked to her she told me we had not done step 4. I thought we had. But she said no we had just gotten to know each other. We spent five hours and I told her my whole life story. And the people I resented. And I even copd to some of my part. Then lately all I see are these giant character defects and repeating them again and again. Until I want to barf.
Long story short. In my head I am on 6. To my sponsor I am on 4. God I can spin a web for an answer. Another defect I guess. *sigh* -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: June 1, 2011, 4:58 PM
Call her and ask for direction, what she wants you to be working on. Let her guide you through all of this and you follow her direction. And don't worry about bothering her, I'm sure she'd welcome the phone call. I know I would. And if she can't talk, she'll let you know. Practice staying in today. I've got work I need to catch up on but I'll be around. Remember, if we're not in the solution, we're part of the problem. Big smooches~! -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 5, 2020, 10:47 AM
69 so I’m still SMober and Sober. My husband and I went hiking to get away from everything and everyone it’s been beautiful we hiked to the top of a gigantic mountain and could see everything ! There were only one other person and he was hiking a good two miles ahead of us and must have taken a different way back cause we never passed him the rocks were colorful and healing and it was warm but not hot. So grateful for my healing time outdoors and in nature we hiked ten miles both days and sunshine and fresh air. So blessed.
Much love and respect get out get some fresh air, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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