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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006


Posted: May 26, 2011, 11:05 AM
This has been tough. I realize all the damage I have caused trying to control every situation in my life. I have to quit playing God it isnt working. The trust in my HP is the key. I am scared. I have huge fears. And the world feels like it is crumbling around me. It does feel thta dramatic. But in truth my kids are ok. My parents are alive. I have a job. My sisters kids are graduating. Life is fine. Its all in my head. I'm doing this to myself.

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My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005


Posted: May 26, 2011, 4:10 PM
QUOTE
"You gain strength, experience, and confidence by every experience where you stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot." - Eleanor Roosevelt


This was posted by a good friend of mine in the program on FB this morning & I thought of you.

We gain freedom from facing our fears & walking through them.

False
Evidence
Appearing
Real

Keep praying for the courage & the strength to face your fears & the power to carry out God's will. You are taken care of, just have faith.

xoxo
Stacey


--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.


Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006


Posted: May 26, 2011, 9:00 PM
Its not all in my head. My mom emailed me that she knows she is a f*** up and Ishould just f*** off. I emailed her back that I was not going to take it personally. If it was working out for Ed to live there maybe it is the best thing. That I do not have the answers, I don't understand and a I working on acceptance. She is pissed. Then my dad who I considered a nuetral party is now ignoring me as well. I texted him and he has ignored me all day. This is not unfamiliar grounds when I divorced the same thing happened. Only the only way I knew how to cope then was to use drugs. Now I am relying on no smoking and no drinking. This is a test. I will tell you. I haven't come to this point for a very long time. I will pray. My friend told me that my parents weren't bigger than God. (Obviously haven;t met my mom who is reigning master of the universe) ( I was mearly the apprentice. ) My God is getting bigger he is a little shakey. I pray for calm and trust. This sucks
love
jane

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005


Posted: May 27, 2011, 9:51 AM
Sounds like a manipulation tatic to get you to behave how she wants you to act? Learn from this and really, Jane, you are a big girl now and you can be free from all the control, take your life back and enjoy it, it's way to short to not live life.

I know I sound like a broken record, but what you are going through with E is just a temporary situation, this too will pass and next year, it'll be something else your Mom will be fixated on. Don't take their reactions personally, let them deal with their stuff and you keep working on your stuff. Have faith and please, don't spend your days worrying about what others are thinking of you, it's such a waste of precious time.

Just for today, let go of the need to fix & control and enjoy life as it comes, watch the blessings unfold. See, when I'm fixated on the problems, I cannot see the miracles. Today, enjoy the miracles.

Much love,
Stacey

--------------------
Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.


Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006


Posted: March 29, 2020, 1:36 PM
61- I’ve lost track and I don’t want to stop posting here it reminds me what my choice is about smoking. I had a dream about a cigarette and I’ve had a cold/allergies something for a couple of weeks my sinuses are screwd. I used to think I felt like this from smoking. When I went for my long run yesterday my lungs felt heavy as heck. Makes me think why not just smoke. God !! What’s is wrong with me. Last thing I need is to try to leave the house to go smoke someplace where I can sneak it. It’s just unmanageable.
Still locked down here and still just chillen at home it’s been cold so makes it easier not to leave th house and stay under blankets and read and sew. I’ve been making blankets. I still can’t get over the block to cal my sponsor. Can’t tell what that’s about it’s just not doing I say I can’t hear her but she can’t hear me and has no solution 30 years of sobriety but nothing constructive. Praying for clarity
Jane

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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