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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 23, 2011, 2:56 PM
"My spiritual health is excellent when I realize that the better I get, the more I discover how much help I need from others." Went to the 6 am meeting. I couldn't sleep spent most of the night ruling the world. I went to a speaker meeting last night and it was excellent. I am living and breathing AA right now. Then this morning I told my daughter to f*** off. Proud moment in my life. I think I need help from others. Namedly her dad. Just like with Ed, I am overwhelmed and I need him to step in. I can't do this on my own and I don't want to . He has never stepped up to the plate and I doubt he will now. I know right before I got divorced that I was completely overwhelmed and I just kept using drugs and running until he HAD to do it. And even then my mom did it. Not him. This is a repeating pattern. How do I change it? I can't see the answer please god show me the answer. I have been to many meetings I have prayed read wrote what is it that is your will for me? I cannot see the light right now.
(BTW I know my numbers are off when I log on to the smoking cessation board it says 60 I am gonna go with it) Im not doing so hot today. Please god save me from me. -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: March 27, 2020, 10:23 AM
60. Love that I was living and breathing AA. I still am. During this pandemic the Zoom meetings have absolutely saved my a**. I know something in me (GOD) is asking me to take this time to go within lean on and find my HP. I need to do some writing. I have not contacted my new sponsor. I just can't hear her. I need to find the guts to just tell her its not working. The only thing is I wont have any sponsor and i dont think that is wise during hte pandemic. So I have just been pralyzed with indecision. For today grateful to have a little SMobriety behind me. I still want a smoke. I just do follow through with it.
I've been sleeping well. I got prescribed a Clonidine and its been helping. Its a blood pressure med. I am on the lowest dose and I take half and it totally helps me sleep! Wich is huge for me cause I've always had insomnia. I can't tell you how nice it is to get rest. It helps my anxiety too. Which I found out the hard way. Was affecting all my relationships. I learn as I go. Much love & respect, wash your hands, respect social distnacing. Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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