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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 10, 2011, 10:33 AM
Urgg. I am seriously angry at every body and everything. I am sleepless and onry and can't stand myself. I wonder if this is part of the process. You know the grieving process.
1. Denial and Isolation. 2. Anger. 3. Bargaining. 4. Depression. 5. Acceptance I am just stuck on anger, and I bobble around with bargaining. I don't know with what or whom I am bargaining. It has nothing to do with smoking. I believe that obsession has been lifted. ITs all this MENTAL BULLs***. It could be the lack of alcohol, smokes, and or pills. Or I am just generally miserable, anxious and discontent. I can't snap out of it. I spent the whole night beating myself up. NO SLEEP from 1 o'clock on. Went to an AM meeting then drove back and got my kids to take to school. I have nothing to be depressed or angry about but I am. The meeting was on the fifth step. Part of it mentioned be joyous happy and free. Ummm... not quite. -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: May 10, 2011, 11:24 AM
Maybe it's all about YOUR expectations of what/how/who all those people around you are "supposed to behave & react" instead of focusing on you and what you have control over.
It is simple. You've got the power to change your attitude & reactions and in doing so, you'll see the whole world change around you. Until you're ready to let go of people, places, things & situations and the need to control it all, you'll remain miserable, at least this is what happened in my world. I read pgs. 416-420 in the Big book almost daily in early recovery, for probably a good 6-9 mos. I read it EVERY time I became disturbed or felt like I was starting to spin out of control with emotions. Try reading it, Jane. And, with God's help and prayer, you could be happy, joyous & free but it comes AFTER letting everything on the outside go & getting good on the inside. Praying you find moments of peace in this day, praying you finally let go of the anger, praying that your HP grants you relief from your obsessions.... Much love, Stacey -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
Posts: 6750
Joined: September 15, 2005
Posted: May 10, 2011, 12:30 PM
47 days? awesome
-------------------- It is Just Not worth it. "Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the puck happened." One Day At A Time | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 10, 2011, 1:01 PM
Thanks Jefferey. Some days its good some days its not. Guess its just life. :)
edited to add It wasn't me believe me, it has been in the hands of a power greater than I This post has been edited by justjane on May 10, 2011, 1:46 PM -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 10, 2011, 3:09 PM
I went to a noon meeting. I gotta get my act togeather. They were talking about step five and the promises of that step. Coincidence. Oh, maybe they are doing a step a month. ?? IDK it lightened me up a bit. I like the noon meeting there is alot of sobriety there. I just can't ever stay for the whole thing. So I don't get to chat with anyone. Lots a wisdom there. Even if you just sit and soak it up. They talked about living in the light. Most of us know how to live in the dark and the fear. Just learn to live in the light. You know what. I really got this disease.... If there ever was a question.
-------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: March 15, 2020, 2:47 PM
47. I am still here still SMober. Love the advice above I did finally find happy joyous and free. I still struggle with trying to change people and control. It’s cost me a lot just like my addictions. I just keep trying I am human I make mistakes and it is not a character defect to be human. I just gain humility and hopefully learn lessons and move forward. I’m grateful to have quit smoking before this COVID19 and isolation stuff one less thing to worry about. The world around me is in chaos and I keep getting momentarily drawn in but I fall back to my peace and for that I am grateful. That is the program at work. I have a terrible cough and cold . What an unfortunate time to get sick. I don’t think I have the virus 🦠 no fever just seems like a lot of coughing and I’m tired. So self care Sunday for me, I wanted to go visit my mom and hit a meeting. Those were my little plans and designs. I guess I’ll surrender to Gods will. Maybe I’ll go read the pages stacey suggested above. I don’t think I ever did that back in The day. My guess it’s acceptance is the answer. I could stand to read it again . I logged out of Facebook for now my anxiety got too much and it’s wasn’t helping so this is my social media outlet today.
Much love and respect wash your hands! jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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