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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: May 6, 2011, 10:02 AM
I have made it 43 days without smoking. During that time, my life has been taken shaken, thrown up in the air. I would like to think the pieces are falling where they may. But I don't think they are falling. They are slowly flittering down. My part right now is just to show up do what I always do, and figure out what is acceptable for ME. That is not as easy as it sounds. I have up until now, lacked the ability to set a boundary and keep it. And to do things with out the punishment of someone involved in the thought process. I have real issues.
But I am working on them? I think... Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: March 11, 2020, 11:35 AM
43. Wow I love how empowered I sound. The truth is looking back that was the begining of me taking my life back to some extent. Things didn't go smoothly- in fact they just went straight to hell. Eventually I came out the other side different. I guess this is a good reminder. I dont know what is happening in my life right now. I am not in a huge upheaval but Ive had to deal with a loss and realigning what I thought my life in my recovery would look like. I have to place my recovery in my HP hands and not have the other hand that I thought I would. Like it or not its different. Now I get to adjust my sails.
I made it through last night. God my body just wanted a smoke so bad for no apparant reason. Crazy. I had some ice cream with chocolate on top. I have to stop that though cause being chubby is one of my fears. Plus I love to run and have a healthy lifestyle. I can already see my weight affecting my feat and my acid reflux so I am probably ten or fifteen over my ideal weight. Bleh.. I am not going to keep thinking on those lines I am healthy. I am strong. Life is good & I am grateful and have a grateful heart really.. I do. Much Love & Respect, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: March 11, 2020, 11:42 AM
Heard this song for the first time in a very long time today. I heard it the first time when I was attending an on unit treatment in jail. The counselor there would play it. It was the first thing that peirced my armor. You know that armor you have after living the way addicts live.
That I Would Be Good Alanis Morissette That I would be good, even if I did nothing That I would be good, even if I got the thumbs down That I would be good if I got and stayed sick That I would be good even if I gained ten pounds That I would be fine even if I went bankrupt That I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth That I would be great if I was no longer queen That I would be grand if I was not all knowing That I would be loved even when I numb myself That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed That I would be loved even when I was fuming That I would be good even if I was clingy That I would be good even if I lost sanity That I would be good Whether with or without you *Side note this previous conselor that is also an active member of AA is the person that I asked to sponsor me. Maybe a God shot if I allow it pierce the armor. She is not my previous sponsor no one can replace her.. but she may be an eskimo. This post has been edited by justjane on March 11, 2020, 11:43 AM -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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