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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 20, 2011, 8:40 AM
Urg. Life on lifes terms. I was looking forward to morning AA class but since E can't drive S to school. Well I guess I get to do that on my way to work. And then pick her up. The Ex was doing it for a couple of days. But he is back to working out of town. So I don't even want to think about where that leaves E doing all day and all night. For now, I guess that is between him and his dad. Since he doesn't live here. I can't make it to AA tonight either. ITs my mamas birthday. I know how things get when I can't make it to AA I hope I can find what I need here. Maybe I am placing too much importance on it. BUt for the first 30-90 days my feeling is be there as much as you can. I guess I also have to take care of my responsibilities. So here I go. I have so much to be thankful for. I loose sight of it all the time especially when I feel sorry for myself. I have a car, a jobs, a house, kids go to a great school, I have money, a BF who is awesome, so is his family, my family, a brain, I am not using or hiding, I am honest open and willing. Which I couldn't always say. So for today that is enough and I am enough.
at least for the next hour. Love, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 20, 2011, 5:52 PM
God what a ridiculous ride this is... One second I am SOOOO sad, the next I am fine. Then angry or overwhelmed. I even cried today. I called my dad and cried. He has quit smoking so he understands but REALLY??? This is getting so ridiculous.
-------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 20, 2011, 10:40 PM
So I never did get to a meeting today. I came home and did some 4th step writing. I hope the weather holds for tomorrow. I am supposed to go on a walk and talk with my sponsor to get to know her better. I don't mind knowing her or not. I just want to get this step out of the road. I have written ALOT I started doign it at Christmas. I don't know if its write but I have alot of s*** written in Ink that I would love to tell someone and burn. Just get rid of it. Isn't that the idea. I guess it wouldn't hurt to know her. I really was just going to tell a shrink but the shrink dindt believe in fourth steps. She thought it best to leave the past where it belonged. I never went back to her. Ok enough ramblng but I needed to get some things out. Good night. I made it. Today was not easy. But I did it.
-------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 20, 2011, 10:54 PM
Jane, you are wonderful and I wanted you to know that tonight. There's so much more than the not smoking going on in your life...be gentle with yourself.
Peace ~ M&M -------------------- You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.  | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: February 24, 2020, 11:40 AM
3-6. Wow I am sleepy. I slept kind of sporadically. We got home late from NASCAR and then I got up and came to work. When I am sleepy it makes me want to smoke & drink coffee.. Its just a thought I dont have any withdrawl symptoms. I guess now its just the thoughts I have to deal with. Did I write that yesterday too ? Whatever. Here I am no drama in my life. The worse thing that happened is my husband was a d*** on the drive home. I just listened to a podcast and ignored him. It was fine. I woke up with the blahs dont have any fire under me. I am grateful for an uneventful life. I had a half of 2 mg nic gum. I want to eat the other half but I wont. I am not sure why I keep eating a half but I am almost out so I guess thats my jumping off point. Like I htink I have a half left.
Alright no spark nor wisdom just another day. Much love & respect, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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