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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 14, 2011, 10:38 AM
I know I am at a danger zone. This is where I fall off the train. And sure as s***, I woke up this morning wondering WTF this is all about. I keep worrying about my son and going to extreemes. I keep feeling really overwhelmed and sad. Part of it is Nicotine part of it is learning to live life on lifes terms without it.
Hangin in there. I didn't make the AM meeting my bf stayed so I just layed in his arms and took a long shower with him. He is awesome :) I will add that to my gratitude list. Also E has a meeting with the board at his school this weekend. So I really have something to look forward to :( NOT. Except for to get it out of the road. My son makes my life harder. He is a cute little s***. But he just makes my world hard. And he always has. I also apologize that I said that outloud. God I love him. But I also love myself. Help me figure that out. Love, jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen  | ||
Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007
Posted: April 14, 2011, 11:28 AM
Jane, it's okay to say it out loud. My daughter makes my life harder, too...
It doesn't mean we don't love them or think they are wonderful, it's just a statement of fact, an observation...you are among friends here :-) | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: April 14, 2011, 12:11 PM
*Hugs mom* Im in tears today. Thanks. I need permission to just be pissed off and not understanding. I am trying real hard not to take it personal it was never personal against my mom or anyone else when I used. It was "just for fun" I need to de-personalize the situation. Not much I can do about it anywya.
-------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005
Posted: April 14, 2011, 12:17 PM
So, Jane, what have you done just for yourself lately? How have you shown yourself that love? Still waiting for my e-mail ~wink~ I love ya. ps....crying is okay, let it out and then smile. Honey, feelings are not facts, they come & go like the tide. You seriously are to the end of the turmoil of the nic wd's. Put into action the one day at a time, don't listen to that little addict voice in your head and make sure you hit the AM meeting tomorrow if not hit a meeting today. This is where we practice what we've learned and ride the storm out instead of giving in, this is what builds our new habits & our character......................... -------------------- Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you. | ||
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Posts: 3076
Joined: January 11, 2006
Posted: February 18, 2020, 11:38 AM
3 weeks. Awe I just want to hug me in the post above. I honestly don't know how I got through that time. So painful. It got so much worse from there. Just down hill and extremely painful. My son is now in federal prison. But there was sooo much in between. God bless the naive me that was posting.
I will try to hug me & love me now too. I did lot of work around this. I had my hand held a lot by my people on this board and some in real life too. God was certainly working and getting me to where I needed to be. I am at this step two point again. Coming to believe again. its been good for me to read these almost every post reminds me of how God was there and helping me. Doesn't mean I get to escape the pain or the lessons. It just reminds me to if it comes let it come, and if it goes let it go. I just want to hold on to the way I think it should be. So yesterday I didn't make a meeting I did self care at the body level. Massage, foot zone, salt cave. Then I came home and read a little spiritual book and met with a sponsee. So I did something for my recovery. I was supposed to meet the lady who is temp sponsoring me but she bailed. I am on the pedestal that not many in my town take AA very seriously but the truth is we are all just volunteers. I probably just take to seriously i know I have been lately. Good lord. Dont be that person Jane Onward to my 3rd week. Much love & respect, Jane -------------------- My success story Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy. Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that disempowers them or one that can literally save their lives. - Anthony Robbins Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says, "This is going to take more than one night." "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." -Leonard Cohen | ||
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