Day15
Posted: April 7, 2011, 10:22 AM


Posts: 3012
Joined: January 11, 2006



WOW! I woke up angry today. My BF snored all f***in night. Went to a early morning 6:30 am meeting and the chair was 20 minutes late. I tried to call the kids to wake them up no one would answer thier phones. I am struggling to find some serenity today. This sucks. I don't even know why I bother to try to share at meetings its fake superficial stuff. I am a fake. My shoulder hurts and this is about the most piss poor attitude I have had. And some one is gonna take the wrath. f*** THE WORLD right now. Just f*** the world.

The meetings thought for the day was about family. My family champions me through my recovery, it is them and my higher power that keeps me sober. And trying new things, even when they are uncomfortable. I share that at the meeting. But I will tell you that I don't open up and ramble to get it all out but I should. I pray God gives me the guidence. I am afraid if I open up it wont stop. I have alot to work on.
Love,
Jane

This post has been edited by justjane on April 7, 2011, 10:42 AM

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: April 7, 2011, 11:01 AM


Posts: 6294
Joined: May 27, 2005



Jane, I would wake up so freakin angry at absolutely nothing. It drove me crazy but it's stopped now.

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१२ स्तैप्पैर!


kat11100@comcast.net

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
Mark Twain

Just because the monkey's off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town

Laugh because it shows people that you have what they want and what they need: a hope in things unseen, a peace that passes understanding, and a God of miracles who also has a great sense of humor.

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Posted: April 7, 2011, 11:09 AM


Posts: 9248
Joined: December 1, 2005



Me too. It's part of the process, my friend.

Get your journal & write, include all the f words & such and then pray & ask God to remove it all from you, and keep doing it until it lifts.

I was blessed when I quit smoking, I was constantly at the Oncologist with my MIL, then constantly in Chemo w/MIL, it helped tremendously. In fact, we have an appointment today, going to go share some smiles with those sick, going to sit & pray for them and then thank God for relieving me of the desire to smoke.

You're not fake, you're learning a new way and it's your mind (that dangerous neighborhood where we do not go alone) that's trying to convince you otherwise. DON'T LISTEN.

And don't hit me but "this too shall pass"........................



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Happiness is not in the bottom of a pill bottle. It's inside you.
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Posted: April 7, 2011, 11:26 AM


Posts: 3012
Joined: January 11, 2006



Thanks for the encouragement guys. I forget where I am in the recovery from nicotine. I keep thinking I should be further along than I am. And of course the good addict that I am I think I should make it more complicated.
Stacey-Funny that you say you are blessed. You give me such strength with your ESH. I swear you can make me see hope where I don't. And you make me laugh in your posts to Kat. You guys are hilarious.
Kat-I am angry regardless of smokign or not. It jsut amplifies it LOL! Not angry but hyper aware.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


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Posted: February 11, 2020, 11:36 AM


Posts: 3012
Joined: January 11, 2006



day 15 round whatever...
I woke up crazy. I went to a H&I meeting last night we took a meeting to someone who just had a baby. I didn't know her but it was someone in our groups sister. It was a good meeting very intimate. We started talking about Alnon and said some unneccesary stupid stuff about my moms program. So when I woke up I just felt like an a**. I sent a texted ammends to the women there. Saying it said a lot more about my program than hers. I ask God to remove it. I am not sure why or maybe I am. I just cried. I dont think I am normally that big of a baby but i am. I went to therapy last night too. My sponsor had suggested that I needed outside help. So I did it. I am glad I went its EDMR but she has to do a lot of ground work first. Its interesting it just adds another layer to my recovery. I think it may have opened some emotional flood gates. Whatever, I can cry when I feel bad that is not that wierd. Just crazy that I woke up sad. But did a tenth step with it. I dont want to be that person I love and respect my mom and she works hard at her program. Im a d***. No smoking today. I chewed a half a piece of 2mg nic gum. Im gonna go run on my lunch hour. Running keeps my sanity in check. Also, I am getting fat. I have already gained 5 punds. Help me.

--------------------
My success story

Beliefs have the power to create and the power to destroy.
Human beings have the awesome ability
to take any experience of their lives
and create a meaning that disempowers them
or one that can literally save their lives.

- Anthony Robbins


Sometimes I lay awake at night and wonder where I've gone wrong. Then a little voice inside my head says,
"This is going to take more than one night."


"Ring the bells that still can ring.
Forget your perfect offering.
There is a crack in everything.
That's how the light gets in."
-Leonard Cohen


user posted image
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