They Called Him Uncle
Posted: December 12, 2006, 12:52 PM


Posts: 846
Joined: June 9, 2004



well its been 19 months and i'm still clean. some days only by the skin of my teeth, but whatever it takes. i've been an addict for 13 yrs, well almost 14 yrs now. its been a ride. many fun times, some scary, but most of all too many years lost. i now have three beautiful kids, they are 7, 5 and 2 months. i have had several bouts of clean time, longest was 5 yrs. its funny, i had 5yrs clean and it only took a matter of an hour to blow all that away. now its taken me 2 1/2 yrs to clean up again. i was clean after having my first child and then i had my second child. i still stayed clean. it wasn't until he was 2 that i started using again. why? well because that's what i do. i'm an addict, i use. i f*ck up and get high. well that's what i use to think. but it seems funny now, that's what i thought i was and all i thought i would ever be. but its not, its not what i am. what i am is a women, a mother, and a wife. but most of all i'm a sober while i'm all of these things.
wow it took a long time for me to even see that i needed to clean up. the big wake up was the day my daughter, my innocent little 4yr old(at the time) called my dealer uncle. she called him uncle. oh my god!! what did i ever do too these poor children. to think the dope man was their uncle. now if that's not a wake up call, then i don't know what the hell is. from that day one i decided i would get clean and STAY CLEAN. NOT ONLY FOR MYSELF BUT FOR THOSE TWO PRECIOUS LITTLE BABIES OF MINE. and i'm proud to say, i've done it. yes, its been a journey, and some days hard. but i have done it. and i will continue to do it. and they will never again call the dope man uncle!! never again!! 19 months here and 19 months will go, but forever they will be my children. and forever i will protect them from the world and now i see i need to protect them from me. their mother, and their caretaker. yes they need protected from me, because its me that can cause the most damage to them. and i won't allow myself to use, because i wouldn't be protecting them like a mother should. so here i am clean and happy to say i'm an addict. i choose not to abuse. an addict i will always be, but abuse i won't. just because i'm an addict doesn't mean i have to use. i can be clean and sober and be happy. it took many years to see that. but i can see it now, clear as clear can be. clean and happy i will remain. and a good mother i will always be. and the only people my kids call uncle are my brothers. and i'm happy to have my kids call them uncle. they are the only men they should and will ever call uncle again.

raerae

This post has been edited by raerae on December 12, 2006, 2:53 PM

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Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
- Ann Landers


"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel.
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Posted: June 9, 2007, 7:13 PM


Posts: 846
Joined: June 9, 2004



wow i really never thought this day would come again. i've hit 2 years clean!! i'm so thankful for each day i wake up and i'm not sick or needing that first bag to get up. my kids are great. my baby is now 9 months old, and i'm able to be the mommy she needs. the mommy all three kids need. i'm not a slave to the drug anymore. yes some days are hard and getting high would be easier. but then all i have to do is look at these three beautiful kids god gave me, and think of how much i'm loved and needed. and how much i would be stealing from them if i did get high again. and i will never ever let them call the dope man uncle again. i know never is a long time, and i can't say i'll never slip. i'm only human. but as long as i try and i'm aware of my feelings and cravings i will have the strength to make it through.



--------------------
Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
- Ann Landers


"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel.
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Posted: April 14, 2008, 11:50 AM


Posts: 846
Joined: June 9, 2004



well its been 3 years now. my life has had many ups and downs in the past three years but i'm happy to say i'm still clean and happy. my kids are loving life with me and i love being able to give them all they want. to think how much i took from them and never realized it. i'm so thnakful i have had the experiences i have had, its beena learning experience. here's to another day.


raerae

--------------------
Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." -Bob Marley

People who drink to drown their sorrow should be told that sorrow knows how to swim.
- Ann Landers


"Man cannot remake himself without suffering, for he is both the marble and the sculptor." - Dr. Alexis Carrel.
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