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I Can't Fix It

Posts: 15
Joined: March 6, 2018

Posted: February 7, 2023, 7:08 PM
I've tried so hard but I can't fix it. My daughter is an addict of many, many, many years. Spice is her drug of choice. Seems I've always been able to fix things for her... somehow...someway. She's been kicked out of my parents house once again and there's nothing I can do to fix it for her. I can't change my mom's mind about letting her come back. I can't convince my daughter to go to rehab. She's basically telling me now that since I can't do anything, that I don't care. I ended up in the er this morning because of the severe anxiety I'm under. I'm mentally drained, physically torn. She's telling me ... she can't take it. She's on the streets. All she had to do was quit smoking spice at my parents home. She tells me that she can't keep going. She says she can't go on anymore. She says shes dirty, hungry and needs this and that. She just texted me and ask me to send her $10.00 for a ztrip to wherever. She expects me to put her up in hotels, im on a limited income, i just cant affordyWhat am I supposed to daughter is basically saying if I can't "fix this"... she can't go she's putting everything on me when I tried so hard to get her to stop doing the things she was doing that got her kicked out. How is it my fault? Is it my fault? Is there anything rlse I can do? What if she does go through with "hurting herself in the most irreversible way"...will that really be my fault? Because I couldn't fix it for her? I am beyond broken about this. But there is absolutely nothing I can do to change my mom's mind. But I don't want my daughter to do anything stupid either. What am I supposed to do? This is eating me alive....

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: February 12, 2023, 7:27 PM
What are the three C’s….you Didn’t create it, can’t control it, ….
This is not your fault. You could be homeless on the street and give her your last $5 and she would still say she wanted more and you didn’t give enough. They know how to manipulate us.

When I got to that point with my son, I started telling him that I don’t know what to do. This problem is bigger than me, he needs the help from experts, hospital, therapist. First step, get her to hospital that has detox, and rehab services. From there they can place her in to another longer term rehab., no charge if she has no income. Social services will help her apply for medical coverage. The other option is a shelter.

My son was not on spice. Pills and heroin. He did eventually go from living on street to jail, rehab and then a shelter . for about 2 years I had very little contact with him.

For past two years he has been working and living on his own, without our help

Good Luck. Your parents are doing the right thing. They don’t need that kind of stress and disrespect in their house.

Find therapist for your self, start with hospital, and support groups for friends and family of addicts

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on February 12, 2023, 7:40 PM

Posts: 271
Joined: June 27, 2015

Posted: March 8, 2023, 11:58 PM
I agree with NY. We will manipulate and lie threw our teeth. Even if you are at your downest, we will still need more and more. Just remember, this coming from a addict of heroin, meth and fentanyl. Don't give in. Your not gonna be helping her. You'll only be hurting her more if you give in to her needs. Because she really doesn't need your help. I don't want to put this in your head but when we're sober we would of never expected us to do things that we had to do just to get our dope. You undertand? It's just easier to con our friends and family to break us off money so we don't have to go get it ourselves. Because no female out here really loves or likes to make money the old fashion way. Understand?! So I'm sorry. And plus she can't depend on you for everything. It's not your fault she a addict. And it's not your fault she's not getting sober right now either. So don't believe her. She has to break that from her. Not you. You can't get sober for her, get her a job, put her in a apartment and pay all her bills. She has to grow up sometime. Sorry

This post has been edited by babylove on March 9, 2023, 12:01 AM


Posts: 15
Joined: March 6, 2018

Posted: March 20, 2023, 4:17 PM
I've been such a mess that I actually forgot that I had posted here.
Thank you both for your replies.
Things have only gotten worse. My mother agreed to buy my daughter a little vehicle so she would at least, if nothing else...a roof. So she's had a vehicle for a couple of weeks now and yesterday was in a wreck. She slammed into a tree. And for whatever reason....She fled the scene. There was no other vehicle involved, so I'm still confused about that.
I had found out last week that she had picked up a couple new habits such as Herion and Meth. Maybe they weren't new to her, but I had just found out that she was using those as well as the spice. Anyway, any time that anything doesn't go exactly the way she Expects it to she threatens... the irreversible. As well as calling me the most GOD awful names and telling me ugly things...things that I just don't understand. I can't handle this anymore. I have blocked her, but she keeps getting new "text now" numbers and texting and calling me and saying all these horrible things to me. She tells me that if I was any kind of a mother that I would not be letting her go through what she's going through. Among so many other things. There's absolutely nothing about this situation that I have power to change. But I'm terrified that she's at her lowest but she still won't seek help. Please tell me what I should do. I don't want to bury my daughter. Im so exhausted...mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm worn down so bad. I have nothing left of myself. I'm empty. I feel so so sad all the time. I'm just lost and I don't know how to find my way back.

Posts: 15
Joined: March 6, 2018

Posted: April 6, 2023, 7:21 AM
Here we are going into April. Nothing has changed for my daughter. Only gotten even worse. I didn't think things could get any worse.
She has had a place to stay...actually 4 different places. All 4 places were basically houses that people could go and stay and also be able to do whatever they want to do...such as use. But for some reason she has had to leave each place and find somewhere else to go for whatever reason. Of course the reason that she has to leave is Never her fault. Not that I like or would want her to be at any of these places, but at least she had a roof over her head, a shower, running water, heat or ac, food etc etc. So I guess its better than literally being on the streets. I guess... I just don't understand why she's always having to leave each place.
For the past week or so she had seemed to be doing ok, I guess. At least she wasn't screaming at me, calling me horrible names etc... all those things. But something happened yesterday morning. I have no idea what it was, but she started with the screaming at me, the name calling, the blaming me for everything...and the worst...talking about doing the irreversible. Telling me to mark the time that she's done. I don't know where she is or anything. I'm beyond myself by this point. I had to take some medicine that the Dr had prescribed for me for these extremely emotional, stressful times.... I fell asleep. I woke up this morning around 4:30am, it is now 6:09am. I have a few text messages from her, but I'm absolutely terrified to open them and read them. I can't take this anymore. I'm having a ton of health problems and I swear I am so lost about what to do. I do feel as though I'm up against this by myself, because nobody in the family even thinks twice about any of this. So I can't even talk to any of them because it's like they just don't even care.
So I sit here, terrified to open her text because I can see how it starts out. I feel like this is completely selfish of me, to say the least. I should be opening a text like that from her and calling her to make sure she's ok. But I can't seem to do it. Why am I not opening her text?
She refuses to check in anywhere. She refuses to go to a shelter. She refuses to do anything. Says if she can't come to her grandmother's home like she was before, then...that's it. Then I've failed her. And she the irreversible.
I have no idea as to what to do for her. She won't even try to help herself. She has been given chance after chance after opportunity. If I do put her in a hospital, like I've done so many times before...will it even help? I'm physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually drained.

Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016

Posted: April 27, 2023, 6:26 AM
Hello . I remember those terrifying years. Baby love is correct. Your daughter would not treat you this way if she was sober. Meth is the worst. That sounds like classic meth behavior. You need to find a therapist to talk, cry, vent to. Protect your parents. They do not need this stress in their house. It is true we can not fix them. many years ago I sought out a therapist who work in recovery. You need someone who understands what you are dealing with. is an on line group for addicts and family support. I purchased books and read their website but did no attend meetings on line. It is an alternative to NA and NARANON, AA, ALANON. When I was at the place you are now, I watched YouTube videos to learn more about addiction, sobriety, etc. Protect your parents, they do not need this stress in their house. She would destroy them and their home just as fast as she crashed the car.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 27, 2023, 6:39 AM
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