I Can't Fix It
Posted: February 7, 2023, 7:08 PM

Posts: 14
Joined: March 6, 2018

I've tried so hard but I can't fix it. My daughter is an addict of many, many, many years. Spice is her drug of choice. Seems I've always been able to fix things for her... somehow...someway. She's been kicked out of my parents house once again and there's nothing I can do to fix it for her. I can't change my mom's mind about letting her come back. I can't convince my daughter to go to rehab. She's basically telling me now that since I can't do anything, that I don't care. I ended up in the er this morning because of the severe anxiety I'm under. I'm mentally drained, physically torn. She's telling me ... she can't take it. She's on the streets. All she had to do was quit smoking spice at my parents home. She tells me that she can't keep going. She says she can't go on anymore. She says shes dirty, hungry and needs this and that. She just texted me and ask me to send her $10.00 for a ztrip to wherever. She expects me to put her up in hotels, im on a limited income, i just cant affordyWhat am I supposed to do...my daughter is basically saying if I can't "fix this"... she can't go on...so she's putting everything on me when I tried so hard to get her to stop doing the things she was doing that got her kicked out. How is it my fault? Is it my fault? Is there anything rlse I can do? What if she does go through with "hurting herself in the most irreversible way"...will that really be my fault? Because I couldn't fix it for her? I am beyond broken about this. But there is absolutely nothing I can do to change my mom's mind. But I don't want my daughter to do anything stupid either. What am I supposed to do? This is eating me alive....
Posted: February 12, 2023, 7:27 PM

Posts: 1763
Joined: June 27, 2016

What are the three C’s….you Didn’t create it, can’t control it, ….
This is not your fault. You could be homeless on the street and give her your last $5 and she would still say she wanted more and you didn’t give enough. They know how to manipulate us.

When I got to that point with my son, I started telling him that I don’t know what to do. This problem is bigger than me, he needs the help from experts, hospital, therapist. First step, get her to hospital that has detox, and rehab services. From there they can place her in to another longer term rehab., no charge if she has no income. Social services will help her apply for medical coverage. The other option is a shelter.

My son was not on spice. Pills and heroin. He did eventually go from living on street to jail, rehab and then a shelter . for about 2 years I had very little contact with him.

For past two years he has been working and living on his own, without our help

Good Luck. Your parents are doing the right thing. They don’t need that kind of stress and disrespect in their house.

Find therapist for your self, start with hospital, and support groups for friends and family of addicts

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on February 12, 2023, 7:40 PM
Posted: March 8, 2023, 11:58 PM

Posts: 269
Joined: June 27, 2015

I agree with NY. We will manipulate and lie threw our teeth. Even if you are at your downest, we will still need more and more. Just remember, this coming from a addict of heroin, meth and fentanyl. Don't give in. Your not gonna be helping her. You'll only be hurting her more if you give in to her needs. Because she really doesn't need your help. I don't want to put this in your head but when we're sober we would of never expected us to do things that we had to do just to get our dope. You undertand? It's just easier to con our friends and family to break us off money so we don't have to go get it ourselves. Because no female out here really loves or likes to make money the old fashion way. Understand?! So I'm sorry. And plus she can't depend on you for everything. It's not your fault she a addict. And it's not your fault she's not getting sober right now either. So don't believe her. She has to break that from her. Not you. You can't get sober for her, get her a job, put her in a apartment and pay all her bills. She has to grow up sometime. Sorry

This post has been edited by babylove on March 9, 2023, 12:01 AM

Posted: March 20, 2023, 4:17 PM

Posts: 14
Joined: March 6, 2018

I've been such a mess that I actually forgot that I had posted here.
Thank you both for your replies.
Things have only gotten worse. My mother agreed to buy my daughter a little vehicle so she would at least, if nothing else...a roof. So she's had a vehicle for a couple of weeks now and yesterday was in a wreck. She slammed into a tree. And for whatever reason....She fled the scene. There was no other vehicle involved, so I'm still confused about that.
I had found out last week that she had picked up a couple new habits such as Herion and Meth. Maybe they weren't new to her, but I had just found out that she was using those as well as the spice. Anyway, any time that anything doesn't go exactly the way she Expects it to she threatens... the irreversible. As well as calling me the most GOD awful names and telling me ugly things...things that I just don't understand. I can't handle this anymore. I have blocked her, but she keeps getting new "text now" numbers and texting and calling me and saying all these horrible things to me. She tells me that if I was any kind of a mother that I would not be letting her go through what she's going through. Among so many other things. There's absolutely nothing about this situation that I have power to change. But I'm terrified that she's at her lowest but she still won't seek help. Please tell me what I should do. I don't want to bury my daughter. Im so exhausted...mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I'm worn down so bad. I have nothing left of myself. I'm empty. I feel so so sad all the time. I'm just lost and I don't know how to find my way back.
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