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Posts: 1
Joined: April 14, 2021
Posted: April 14, 2021, 10:08 PM
I suffer in silence with my Husband's alcohol addiction. I hate who I have become and I constantly think about him drinking. I wake up thinking if I am going to have a good day, how much is he going to drink, if he stops off at a bar on his way home, etc... I definitely need help coping with it. He drinks beer and he thinks it's not bad because he only drinks beer, but it's just as bad when you are drinking it all day. He snaps at me very easily, he has never been physical, it's mostly hurtful words and flying off the handle. My whole body will be shaking because I just want him to stop. I hide this from everyone. I want to scream and shout to my family, but I keep it hidden how much I am hurting. I feel so alone because I have no one to talk to. I am in this endless cycle and I want to end it. I understand that it's not him, it's the addiction, and he tells me over and over he can control it, but he can't. I am a very positive person, but this has put me in a very low place and I know this is not healthy for me. It sucks because when he is not drinking we are good! It's wonderful, but when the cycle starts, it's pure hell for me. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells most of the time. This has been going on for about 4 years. I am so tired and sad over it.
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Posts: 37
Joined: February 17, 2021
Posted: April 15, 2021, 9:57 PM
Welcome lola29 it's good you are reaching out for support. All your feelings and thoughts about your husband's addiction are true. Its a living hell really. Its a lonely life being married to a person with an addiction because their addiction comes first plus it's all consuming. I'm sorry you are in this situation and know you are not alone. We understand the pain and heartache. Just know, you need to really focus on self care and living your life. Its easy to get lost in someone else's addiction and you don't want to lose yourself. Its not worth it. He may want to ruin his life but don't let him ruin yours. You deserve happiness and a healthy life!!
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: April 16, 2021, 9:31 PM
Hello Lola, the first thing I suggest is for you to go to al anon meetings or a therapist who has experience with addiction counseling. I think you need to be able to talk out the past 4 years with someone, it would be a safe unbiased person to vent to. Eventually being able to plan a solution to the problem.
Also, read more about addiction or alcoholism so you can educate yourself and so you recognize when your husbands disease is manipulating you. Start with the tabs at the top of this page and google topics. See if there are addiction services for family and partners in your area, there might be good low cost programs available to you. | ||
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: April 16, 2021, 9:48 PM
I remember someone on this board suggesting to reach out to local organizations that help women who are in abusive situations. The way your husband treats you is abuse. You know this because it makes you scared and unhappy and keeping secrets. This was a point that I had gotten to because of my son’s addiction. I did not like the person I had become, keeping secrets about his behavior, afraid he would become angry, he was not violent but didn’t know if he would be, physically I was loosing weight, I was giving money when I didn’t want to, I was just trying to keep peace, my life revolved around whatever my son was doing, his life was consuming mine. I did see a therapist at a local recovery center with hopes of getting my son interested in recovery. It took me 6mo - a year to get him into recovery. And then he relapsed and another year went by like a blur.
It is going to take time, so start with education and therapist. If your husband becomes threatened by your actions you will need to have a plan b. | ||
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Posts: 37
Joined: February 17, 2021
Posted: April 18, 2021, 7:39 PM
I think too addiction takes over a person's life to the point of numerous losses....financial, relationships, morals, jobs, family, health, etc...it's a downward spiral until if and when they decide they want to recover. Sadly, some people don't recover while some others do. They have to want it. Until then, months, years, even decades can go by. Its very tragic addiction...lots of fallout, lots of people affected by it, lots of heartache.
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