Am I Doing The Right Thing?
Posted: September 19, 2020, 9:16 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: September 19, 2020

My son is 35 years of age who is a heroin addict who has been addicted for many years. Currently he has graduated from shoplifting to theft by breaking and entering..
He was out on bond for this and his girlfriend got arrested and he has been consistently breaking and entering my home which I shared with my bedridden brother. Of course to steal...

I do not care about the stuff I am so over everything but he stole my only phone where I could call 911 for my brother. My car is in the shop too.

Long story short ..alarm system called the police and last night cops came to my door and asked me if I wanted to press charges .. I said yes. With COVID and against my brother,s wishes. Am I doing the right thing? His BF died last week from OD of heroin.

Pls any all comments welcome...

Posted: September 20, 2020, 8:38 AM

Posts: 20665
Joined: October 17, 2003


We are linking your post to Families/Partners of Addicts board. There are people there who are struggling with similar situations.

- the moderators
Posted: September 20, 2020, 8:16 PM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

In my opinion you did the right thing. There are consequences to his actions and if you break the law you get arrested. This would be true for anyone. Jail may be the best thing to happen to him. I know it's hard as a parent to do this however it's the right thing to do. His behavior belongs to him and he has to own it.
Posted: September 21, 2020, 11:19 AM

Posts: 1750
Joined: June 27, 2016

It is a very difficult decision. Add a restraining order to the list. It is just awful that they put / push us into situations where we have to make these decisions. And then act like we are the mean ones... I am sorry you have such difficulties on your plate. Your son should be helping You! Or at least respect the fact that you have enough to deal with every day and stay away from you.
Posted: October 11, 2020, 5:01 PM

Posts: 332
Joined: December 23, 2018

Yes, I agree. I agree you did the right thing. It is difficult & heartbreaking but your son put himself in that position. He put you & your disabled brother in a critical position. With addicts, we have to put our own safety first. We cannot fix their addiction or help them make the right decisions. You cannot "love" his addiction away.

He was taking advantage of you & it sounds like you need a break from his manipulation, so don't feel guilty about not answering his calls or allowing him to come over. You make have to repeat one answer over & over & over & over to him such as "I cannot fix your addiction but I will not allow you the mistreat me or talk to me or do the things you have done to me any longer. You know what help you need & when you get into treatment & will support your decision all the way, but this is your choice" (something to that effect)

Hang in there & don't be afraid to come back here for support. We've walked in your shoes!
Posted: October 12, 2020, 7:16 PM

Posts: 252
Joined: December 21, 2018

You did the right thing especially with an adult addict because they're behavior criminal and most other will only get worse. Addicts are constantly testing boundaries and he wanted to test yours ie see would you press charges. He was probably hoping or predicting you wouldn't. But calling him out on their bad behavior is crucial. Manipulation and lying will turn into theft which will go beyond the family's house. After a certain point it's ALL about their gratification.

I'm dealing with a half century old addict never fully challenged by their parent and their behavior gets more outlandish and criminal as they age. Sounds like a case of an addict who must hit a bottom before they even consider change because their obviously not there yet.

Stay Strong Good Luck!

This post has been edited by samegame on October 12, 2020, 7:17 PM
Posted: November 3, 2020, 6:27 PM

Posts: 14
Joined: November 3, 2020

im so sorry.
Posted: November 3, 2020, 7:05 PM

Posts: 2340
Joined: February 20, 2010

My son,37 been in and out of jail for years...I asked him why he stole from me....he said because I could. Think aboutthat
Posted: November 3, 2020, 9:01 PM

Posts: 1750
Joined: June 27, 2016

a while ago was watching youtube videos about addiction and recovery. brandon novack said something similar as your son did about his own mother. it is such a sad stab in the heart when our children steel from us and they don't care, no remorse. even though I know this, it still hurts to think of the sad and alone world that my son lives in. on the other hand, I know he feels badly about everything. but he can't fix it.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on November 3, 2020, 9:10 PM
Posted: November 14, 2020, 11:35 AM

Posts: 8683
Joined: April 24, 2007

Momg, I know we've had our differences, but I sincerely hope that your Bub is doing well despite all of it, and that you have moments of calm.

Peace~ M&M

You will not change what you are willing to tolerate.

user posted image
Posted: November 14, 2020, 8:00 PM

Posts: 262
Joined: June 27, 2015

I too agree. You did the right thing. I'm not a loved one of a addict. I am a addict. But the more you let us do things like that and not do anything about it. It's like your allowing us to keep doing it . So once you put a stop to it then we will stop (hopefully). And also, once he's no longer a slave to the drug then he'll understand why you did what you had to do.

Posted: November 14, 2020, 11:06 PM

Posts: 332
Joined: December 23, 2018

That is true Babylove!!! Thanks for sharing
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