Moving Away Can Help, Alkie Ticked
Posted: September 19, 2020, 12:24 PM


Posts: 235
Joined: December 21, 2018



Dealing with alcoholic narcissistic sibling. Moved away from the area over the last year which is really starting to tick off the alkie. He's been chastising my new new location over 25 miles from the area alot lately probably because he is starting to miss the rides since bars and restaraunts have been opening up more and more. Along with some sports to watch at bars or with bar stool buddies he can no longer use me or others for a ride. Probably missing parties, nights on a bar stool etc. He ignored the subject for months until last few weeks and only difference is the night life is coming back. I mean he's bitter I moved(lol). Consequences.

When I moved a year ago if he asked if it was possible if I could or would move back to the area(the nerve to think I would do it for him but typical). Have very little reason or business in the area anymore. Cleaning up an estate and home for sale and hopefully by years end we'll have ZERO contact.

Point being detachment and physically removing one's self from the alkies/addicts life can make a difference even if temporary. Or telling them to leave yours will have a similar effect. Still dealing with a bunch of other issues and they'll be done soon.
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Posted: September 19, 2020, 12:28 PM


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Joined: December 23, 2018



Good Luck samegame!!! Good for you for taking care of yourself!
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Posted: September 20, 2020, 1:12 AM


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Joined: November 10, 2019



Yes good for you samegame!!!
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Posted: September 21, 2020, 11:13 AM


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Joined: June 27, 2016



So glad u moved away from there! Distance really does help! Enjoy Life!
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Posted: September 25, 2020, 10:07 AM


Posts: 235
Joined: December 21, 2018



Thanks for the wishes.I'll need them unfortunately.

The sibling is as usual trying to bully his way other issues regarding the estate including the sale of house. If he doesn't get his way or you don't think exactly like him his tantrums are at record levels. He's also delaying the sale of the parents house wanting to turn it into a flip. Other than being an heir he as no financial stake in the game with myself or estate money paying the bills for the last 2 years. Waiting for oppurtunity to use lawyer, want a sure fire win/case so I'm rid of him and estate is finally closed.
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Posted: September 26, 2020, 3:43 PM


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Joined: June 27, 2016



I was re-reading your post - I dont think 25 miles away is far enough!! LOL
What is his motive? Is he living in the house, so when it is sold he as to find new living arrangements, and fend for himself? or is he just plain dysfunctional and wants to delay the progress for no real reason? I'm just curious.

my thoughts about selling our own older home in a few years. I would love to update the kitchen and baths. they do need it after 20 years of wear. But no matter what finishes we put in the house, it is likely the 'new owner' will not like it and remove the new finishes. It will be a waste of money and time. Some people say you dont get back as much money as you put in. I would guess it is close to break even, give or take a little more or less. If you update the house and increase the value, you will be paying higher real estate fees. Anything that is a percentage of the selling prince will be increased. capital gains or estate tax, maybe.

As you have said, I would want to tie up the loose ends and get out of it asap!


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Posted: September 27, 2020, 7:47 PM


Posts: 235
Joined: December 21, 2018



NytoFla

Long vent alert. Alot of background.

Yes 25 miles isn't far enough. And yes renovating on the cheap especially can cause just as many issues because once renovations are started ie ripped apart you are basically committed so he's trying to sell cheap cosmetic fixes knowing full well once started with stuff taken apart, down, apart etc there are no other options(actually yes as-is. As dysfunctional as he is can work a plan for his agenda. And even completed cheap that could disuade some or make other older features and conditions in the house stick out.

Part of the alkies 'dysfunction' is naricissism including image. He always portrayed himself as a vistor to parents and myself yet he had the entire house full of his stuff including 2 bedrooms he commandeered for himself over the years. Weren't even allowed to put his teenage sports trophies away and would get upset if something was not left where it was 10 years ago. He never had his drivers license changed and always had mail sent there over the decades(and frequently wanted it taken to him) I was living with parent & helping for years. But he would stay days on end and what were supposed to be a night or two frequently morphed into 3-4 nights because they started drinking too early to drive back to their place. And there were periods where he stayed months on end. But in reality the house was a crash pad, storage unit and mail drop. The parent didn't want to push them too hard until it was too late. They were glad to see them but tired of them rolling in between 10-12 at night.

Ironically since I didn't agree to renovations he's mad his contractor 'friend' won't return calls and blames me because I didn't ok the work. Have to wonder if that contractor was a friend or an acquaintance he worked for a favor. He will work/try to sell you weeks if not months on end. He's always thinking about future favors and trys to position himself for them. He would make an outstanding grifter running a long con. Maybe he has.

Big problem now is he has no boundaries and very little control anymore(not that he had a lot). His tirades have expanded beyond friend and family. I can't wait but am waiting for him to go off on or lecture the wrong person. It's only a matter of time. I'm still trying to figure out what drugs an alkie could use would be on to go into a rage in a flash. Besides drinking on supposedly on multiple bp meds which tend to depress system. You would think he's on cocaine or meth at times.

But his lack of a financial stake allows him to look at the sale differently(as a greedy heir out for all they can get).

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Posted: September 28, 2020, 5:21 AM


Posts: 188
Joined: November 10, 2019



I have seen estates settled smoothly, fairly, and with respect. Then, I have seen estates where siblings turn into greed monsters (one, some, or all) and their real personalities are revealed. It's pretty sickening to watch how people can become so petty and selfish....all for money. Sicker yet is when they pick a victim to totally rip off and ostrasize. Money does weird things to some people. Then there's the kind and generous.
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Posted: September 29, 2020, 8:54 PM


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Joined: June 27, 2016



Like you said, the sooner you are done with the situation, the better!
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Posted: September 30, 2020, 3:08 PM


Posts: 235
Joined: December 21, 2018



You got that right Sallyanna that money/inheritance can show people's true colors. Here it was pretty obvious what was going to happen and disturbing predictable. The alkie had talked about flipping the house years before the parent had passed. I never engaged with talk like that but that shows intent and someone willing to wait for money. It's the wait and aniticipation of monies they might not ever see. They and the parent particularly were lucky they didn't lanquish away in a nursing home and/or drain all their money. He'd make an outstanding grifter running the long con.

And realized his mooching more than first thought. Alkie complained about the cable being disconnected in an empty house. And yet complains when estate money used to pay utility bills for house. The mooching apparently going for a while going back while parent still alive was from an email account the parent let them set up years ago. But that email gave the same privileges of the account holder including remote/offsite internet and streaming of movies & tv. So for them to complain with a roomate and second income about now having to pay for internet is ridiculous. They're still not over it.

This post has been edited by samegame on September 30, 2020, 3:12 PM
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