Boyfriend Is An Addict And Im Ready To Leave Him
Posted: September 10, 2020, 4:10 PM


Posts: 0
Joined: September 10, 2020



Not too sure where to begin, I have been with my partner for almost 7 years.
in the begining things were grand of course, wasnt until i was made aware of his drug use that i have forever been trying detach with love or just leave altogether.
of course all the begging and pleading and empty and broken promises etc have not been the only reason i have stayed. i actually care and love him..with all my heart.
through out the years i have endured up's and down's his use in the home fights etc etc
its now coming up on 7 years and still im very clear on my wants and beliefs and try everything i can to stick to boundries...every single time i fail to follow through and in the begining it was out of fear..but over the years it is now becoming that i am fiancally stuck as he is the sole provider, which he quickly took advantage of the second my job ended ( i did homecare and the client since as passed away).
i feel full on dubbed at times, scared lost etc and just hoped i could gain a little light in the dark tunnel by posting
  Top
Posted: September 11, 2020, 8:45 AM


Posts: 20521
Joined: October 17, 2003



totti,

We are linking your post to Families/Partners of Addicts board. There are people there who can relate to your experience.

- the moderators
  Top
Posted: September 13, 2020, 1:24 PM


Posts: 1750
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hi sorry for your suffering. It is sad when you get to the point where u realize that you have done absolutely everything you can possibly think of and nothing has helped, nothing sticks. For me and my husband, when dealing with our son, years went by that we were always imagining that we were seeing progress. Like others have said it is like chasing smoke. Or a ghost.

On the other hand there is a sense of relief and no regrets when you know you have done your best.

Read through other posts here who are dealing with addicted spouses.

Do some YouTube searches and read through smartrecovery.org. You may find helpful information.

Good luck on this journey. Above all start thinking about what is best for you. Figure out an exit plan so you have things in place for your independence.
  Top
Posted: September 15, 2020, 4:37 PM


Posts: 43
Joined: May 13, 2007



For what it is worth, I suggest you work on getting a job/education ...anything that will make you more independent. That is NOT a position you need to be stuck in depending on an addict for your means of support. I know it is probably not easy, but that is the most important thing you can do to make your situation better. He will always do what he chooses. An addict or alcoholic is married to their drug first and foremost. Choosing a program is the only way HE can actually leave his first love which is the drink or drug. Until then, it is actually like your living with someone who is actively having an affair. That is how I see it. That is what makes it so intolerable in my opinion.
  Top
Posted: September 18, 2020, 7:44 PM


Posts: 329
Joined: December 23, 2018



Totti, sorry you are here but glad you are here! Sorry for what you are going thru but one thing I can promise you is we will listen to you, we will HEAR you & we will offer you a shoulder to cry on & words of advice from our experiences. We will NEVER judge you or blame YOU! You have received good advice already - focus on yourself, work on employment & education, counseling for yourself. These are very tough choices you HAVE to make & you are not feeling strong enough to complete those choices. Please remember if loving someone enough, helping someone enough, argue, threaten, yell, cry, plead, offer every piece of your heart & soul helps an addict, all of our loved ones would be clean & sober. Maybe seeing you standing strong & getting better yourself MAY help him, but it might not. But now you have to start your healing. Where do you want to be in 5 years? For every broken promise, you've reassured him that it's ok - you will tolerate that behavior. He doesn't have to change, because you'll still be there. Good luck to you, it's a hard road. Please feel free to vent any time you want

This post has been edited by mtnmom on September 18, 2020, 7:51 PM
  Top
Posted: September 19, 2020, 12:02 AM


Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019



Welcome totti and sorry to hear of your circumstances. I think living with a partner with an addiction is a compromised life. Its very limited in so many ways. Life becomes a tolerance and there is no living really. Life evolves around them. Everything evolves around them. Its a vicious cycle...and not a good one.

If you took all the time and energy you spend on him and apply it to yourself things would feel and look a whole lot better. We lose ourselves and have to find ourselves again and start living. Life's a gift and we need to make the most of each day and not waste it. I hope you know you are worth putting yourself first and you deserve happiness and all the positive things in life.

This post has been edited by Sallyana on September 19, 2020, 11:43 AM
  Top
Posted: September 19, 2020, 12:09 PM


Posts: 249
Joined: December 21, 2018



Hello totti. Sorry to hear about your situation but it's not uncommon.

Keep in mind addicts/alkies work hard at fooling people to hide their addiction and still get favors from people. I wouldn't hold out hope for the old boy friend because you might not even know what that is. His own gratification is his priority not you. And you mentioned fights. Things can escalate over time and/or in an instant with an addict. Stay safe and get away if.

The big thing as noted is make yourself independent ie get educated and/or a job. Don't become dependent on him or anyone else like he is on chemicals.

Stay safe and on your own. You are the salvage operation now, not him.

Peace
  Top
Posted: January 3, 2021, 5:33 AM


Posts: 2
Joined: January 3, 2021



A no from the side of both I was on heroin for 8 year then searching for ever found a one off thing implants I was sick of the drug services saying waiting lists we're years this no one has had by the NHS so a got pissed off went straight to the man at the top of the NHS before there was a board it was his whole desisio to give me funds or not a done so much research took it had it drilled in my head I had no confidence but I have been blamed all my life to be able to use reverse phycologicaly on people so a thought a won't play games a will forget everything I planned to say as I walked in I new I would so I just gave it may best shot thinking I would be doomed coz am stubborn very forward for most people to take or read what am like so social skills are not my best only people curious enough to want to find out what am like gets a chance to be close to me this man I will say did not treat me like I thought I thought I would instantly take offence to him thinking he was better than me a yes sir no sir guy I instantly loose my temper with anyone else thinking they are superior to me fking pride but I was shocked this man sat spoke to me like another intellectual as I do have a very high IQ for an addict with dyslexia mean twist he recognised I was no stupid 20 year old listed asked questions on my proposal and some how buy the end of what was two hours seemed like five minutes he turned round and said you are a very intelligent young man for your age with a lot of wisdom and research even the cons as well as prose he said give me two weeks I will have the paperwork done I will grant you your money to get the procedure as I would like you to after it keep intouch with me after this for as long as possible and share your experiences and struggles with me as if you can do it I would like to investigate if the procedure can be done here at our hospital so I went got a five day dextox not knowing what to expect first in the door bag search and a big needle with God knows what drugs in the thing stuff dopes you right up you are meant to be basically unconscious for 3 days awake two not knowing at the time anyone having that treatment does not want to be on methodone as it stays giving you terribly bad with drawers you can not stop the pain mind games suicidal thoughts hallousinations no sleeping whole body feeling on fire with maggos crawling inside your body with shocks of electric then at same time absolutely freezing me a was up every night watching TV with a pretty nurse everynight as a looked around at other patients they could not even stand the hell up slavering from there mouth s***ting and pissing themselves coz withdrawals had them on diarrhea made me I did not understand why I was lucid but luckily I was not feeling withdrawals I have had this treatment before that time awake on off rattling my balls of falling out bed to get to a toilet so no nurse had to wash s*** off me like a baby the umiliation would killed me that pretty nurse watching me washing s*** of me changing me I could not of looked her I the eyes if it happened but fortunately I managed to hit the floor with out braking bone's clean myself and some how pull clothing on when a was to fked to walk take it strength of shame in the face of a pretty girl gave me enough strength to save my self but I did not no on third day they totally wake you give you half a blocker tablet in pill for half seemed to make me right I'll when next day bfull unbroken one I was fine so all the heroin is now out your system but a never new coz of methodone having such a long half life unlike heroin 7 days you basically can handle it unbeknown to me I was in for the worst time in my life happening and no way anything opiate based will now be blocked even natural opiates my mum said I was to recover at her house after so she could watch me watch me she said I should of never let out a hospital if the way I was going to react would be known at first on train home must still had enough drugs in me to make me think it was over and by fk was I wrong by a enormous amount I ended up being in constant roasting heat and freezing my arse off at the exact same time how you ajustbto that the electrical shocks pulses combined with the feeling of maggots or similar crawling through my body was something I could never take pain anything that no and it constantly fks with my head ever sec endlessly as I have ADHD as well so I need bloody amphetamines just to slow my head down a bit to just cope this ramped through the roof making me phycotic suicidal every sec desperate as hell wanting it to end any way but I could do nothing I was awake for weeks constantly sleep lucky he odd I ended up with my mum phoning doctors them saying it will eventually ease of a whole mth and a half no sleep wanting to kill myself my mum could not leave me alone trusting I would not hurt myself as you see I was also now coz of constant no sleep seeing things like leprechauns and floating diffrent coloured mushroos in the house with me and a was having conversations with these make believe fairly tails my mum was pulling her hair out feeling I should have been in a mental health ward with medicine to at least release some pain calm me down and knock me the go out for sleep she said it was inhuman not being warned if methodone is in your system you ain't in for a cosy time of it and like the second time I manage to convince my now powerful friend the absolute boss of the whole NHS in my home second time though things went to votes now to make things farer but this man helped me ever time I asked as he new me so well known I never say something I will not give a million percent chance to accomplish a never lie might be a flaw but I will own up to anything I have done pussys lie take your mistakes own them you get fked for it you no it was coming and I can take some amount of abuse that if my life was in a book people read it no way in god's earth would anyone think s human could take abuse pain false blame that made every one in the UK think I was a complete fking violent animal on page especially with being clean I got addicted to weight lifting and will my past being bullied when I moved back here later in life in my 20's a stranger my brother knowing everyone watched people give me s*** push me around coz my dad fked my confidence before he brought me back here a wanted a dad to be proud of me be my hero but all I got was used like a puppet between him and my mum abandoning me to use me to pass message after message back and forth for hrs every day watching and waiting for aupredictible nasty volcanic temper like mine a seemed to need every few years we moved to be bullied till I exploded were I lost control and done things I would never intended to do to someone till this man I just wanted to love me play one game with one thing I found he was basically unbeatable at was pool as a grew up in pubs so I tookbooks out to learn everything about the game trick shot to perfection I was aloud to start a game with the adults in the main bar winer stays on thinking my dad would be proud I learned to be as good as him but once I started playing not one adult in a massive bar holding 80 people no problems very busy no one could bet me and get me off the table I noticed my dad have the odd glance if one his mates came to get me off the table so others could play diff people instead of a 12 year old that could break with the first shot if I wanted to and instantly clear the table a could spin the cue ball on a pin head if a pleased then people started bitching to my dad saying could he tell me to basically get of the table fk the tools at first my dad said he would play me so a did not feel like it being grown men crying coz no person in the intire city could beat me if I choose and even that my dad exploited it he tost the coin I called tails I won so I took the break knowing this man who made my life and living fking hell fking up any chance of being t normal person kids wife family hard working lovedsports but him fking threatening making me take revenge on bullys messed me up but boxing a still liked I new no reai harm can happen it go stopped stupid I no might have gloves on but fit as I was strong thought how to use my hands was like a game a never ever thought any punch I. Have thrown was upto much always felt like I was holding back ori just was a kid with a pussys punch until later in life I lost my temper when I was clean training in the gym every day two hrs solid for perfection even though I could not walk straight through a door face. On needed little twist to slide my shoulder through I had small man syndrome see everything I done I seen. As ok never what my fiancee seen my best friend a girl I grew up with she moved so never seen her for a good six months lot s*** with ex fking my brain all I. Did was constantly train my way I specifically found worked for me. Like magic in 16. Mths I went from athletic muscular to 17.5 stone pure no fat water trim cut to hell enormous mother fker I thought people were still looking at me funny especially with my gym gear on going to the post office every one was staring I was anxious as fk till I got the post office met my neice ain't seen her coz all the training a told her even guys I new from different gyms a new what I seen they were big guys a told her a was looking I'm shop window and could not see d*** wrote on my head so she saiduncle you are a idiot you never see yourself how you look a showed her one biggest guys that was looking making me feel like he was basically threatening intimidating she said watch she got her phone took his picture then mine a said what you upto she placed his pic next to mine asked me to look said a would see what people were staring at last a seen I was literally twice this guy's size I swore in my head was bigger than me the not getting through doorscoz my shoulder hits the sides the 36 size jeans I had to buy and get altered to fit a 31 wasted man who could not even get his thighs in his jeans any more my watch would not fit over my hand anymore my ring my mum gave me I turned 21 ebddup so tight I had to cut it off or loose a didgit see people like us your husband what ever never see ourselves when it is so bloody obviously no one but a mental fk up can not see or believe in there self they try mean what they say try and usually fold likes deck of cards no willpower in themselves only failure every time I was winning coz as I was so I'll I used c*** for energy it was never my drug I wanted to relax till I first hit some pure coke and the experience a won't lie was the best ever now then the coke got s*** cut so a stopped hitting it for energy to get around a lied said a was going for a pint clear my head watch a football game my mum new fine I gave up watching football at 16 I just wanted something to make me feel better once again and I am addicted to everything I do I totally kick the the max out the lot big time see I have felt alone and worthless since I was a smurff wanting my dad to be my hero got not a total evil guy just what he did meant or not fked me right up so I have craved my own family all my life my mum always working I basically dragged myself up and my brother a was left myself by at 16. With just my gran to give me a roof now my mum has the idea am totally phycotic flipping out on come down before I got ADHD pills jail time branded a monster again all the blame I took to keep a cheat olives the bones of and my son I fked up twice before I could not give up till the last time after the 6. Years jail time I done totally inocent coz she new I would protect her and my son till death my attributes I thought woman desireyhonesty loyalty protection affection she used every bit to totally destroy the man I was clean strong healthy mental health. Getting better till her total plan to make me snap she new I would not hurt her even if I blacked out but other people say someone she planted in my head the worst way telling she cheated coz instead of instantly exploding I could not believe she could do that to me on porpose feeding bits like first name town what she did to him in bed what she let him do knowing exactly that I was going to internally imagine the image in my head getting not confused blank shock but the very devious clear total animalistic pure hatred towards the only person I could take out my temper but just enough clues to totally destroy the person I was but twice she said two much I get what I want when I want it the most nothing stops me why now I don't get why I ain't took enough punishment to get me back to myself give it one more go cousiously thought she new I was one biggest strongest fearedmen in town coz my past horrible but nessasery but she had no idea how strong I actually was thinking some fat rugby player stone heavier was going to stop me she was told about me by people she wanted a bad boy one with knife scare fighting on his face looked like a evil fker that size but honestly am as soft as s*** one her fk buddy's took a swing at me stupid should waited till I was drunk can fight sleep a seen it hit him not full force but everyone like her underestimated me loosing my temper I can usually control it always odd slip fat c*** goes in coma four days I jumped in my car knowing if he never woke up I was going for at least 15 so diff town few hrs waiting door opens ladwalks past my car bangwee liberal broke four places wired for mths never got caught for thatbut even though I hit the person attacking me coz he can't take a crack a got 2 years repsrt of my life I wanted someone like needed someone to love me trust In me how ever long I toiif a was not clean at the beginning I wi have something to always fighting for you happyness being wanted few things no life since a child and 8 years later usual stopped heroin wentto a party and let's say the inevitable happens I can live single I self destruct I have no fight nothing to go try get what I do what and no woman would take me at my lowest totally screwed mind body every emotion screaming at me what to do and I can't coz I don't care about myself I will only survive fk knows how much longer like this a don't no for some reason it's like I have had a dark curce on me my whole life I get one fast of feeling true love and an image of my boy growing up with what I never had from his real dadto be my son's hero as a child would make it all worth it am not saying stay with your man or leave it is hard with damaged people like us if you truly love him can you know him well enough to no if you stick buy him and help no tuff love don't work makes people destruct faster do you no in your heart if who ever it takes will your fella find the strength from your love and total loyalty he will use it to claw his way out of the living hell he is in every addict. Likes the drug some way but they are not stupid some lie others can't face themselves me a can admit my sins to my face who I love so if you no he can use the love and affection you support him with to get some kind of happy ending for you both then stick it out if you no that not even if you loved him and showed him total trust honestly and affection every day and in your heart he still can't use it to fight to get you and himself back to even out the world of drugs and pain mental it's hard every day but does get easier honest to god a wish a was as luck as him the now to be like I am now and witnesses at my lowest you will never do what I fear most and leave me alone like I am now a would as I have before always got myself out the mess with love and affection and that is all I have wanted my whole life and this time a think I have tried so are I have let love person I thought would never harm me totally destroy every single bit of my being even my dreams have night mares if you see no way he can use your love Hun walk or you will be miserable he will think it ain't that bad he gets rouses and have you to even drug addicts in relai onceone is cleaIhan it ends every time i have gave you the most honest answer possible trying to be short doing it but doll the abuse I have endured would kill ten normal men I seem to not be able to help myself when I can I will out don't try l live in pain coz I think it is the only thing that lets me still no am alive what is the question what porpose would a life lived my way serve anyone good luck choosing doll
  top of page  Top