Update On Husband
Posted: July 11, 2020, 9:00 PM


Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020



I just wanted to check-in and see how everyone is doing

This post has been edited by Lostgirl12 on July 12, 2020, 12:41 AM
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Posted: July 12, 2020, 8:46 AM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Thank you lostgirl. I'm doing so so. My daughter is still very lost and has missed more opportunities towards getting to a better place. It is very sad and heartbreaking. I know her health is suffering too. I keep in touch with her. I'm really at a loss in what to do. Her mind is all over the place and I think she is lying much more than she used to.

How are you doing lostgirl?
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Posted: July 12, 2020, 8:23 PM


Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020



H Sallyana,
I am so sorry to hear that you are still struggling with your daughter.

I've been so so as well. My husband seemed weird tonight.

I trusted my gut and after he went to bed, I went searching and found a water bottle full with vodka. I am at a lost and really don't know what to do as he refuses to go AA.

I don't know what to do anymore and I think I am going to call out of work tomorrow and and really think about what I want if he doesn't want to get the help he really needs.

The thing about this disease is that it not onlys hurts the person consumed by it but everyone else around them..

This post has been edited by Lostgirl12 on July 12, 2020, 9:35 PM
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Posted: July 13, 2020, 11:16 PM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



Lostgirl I hope you were able to think about things. Its hard to think things through when we are in the mist of all this. It doesn't sound like his sobriety is a priority based on what you said. You sound like a very smart and neat person. I hope you continue to take good care of yourself.
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Posted: July 14, 2020, 6:31 AM


Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020



Quick update, I also realized yesterday he has been huffing dust remover. I called his therapist and asked for advice and he told me to wait until today to leave/ speak to him.

After everything I think I need to actually follow through and leave him. It is incredibly hard to do that as my family lives in Florida which a hotzone for Covid.

I am hoping I can find an Airbnb for awhile near where I live and figure out my next move from there.

I am heart broken and in pieces, but I can't keep living like this
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Posted: July 14, 2020, 7:47 AM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



I think you are wise to leave. Marriage to a person with an addiction is quite lonely, unpredictable, chaotic, and trust is broken. The foundation of a good marriage has cracks in it sadly. Its very unstable. Its not fair to you. I hope you find a secure place lostgirl.
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Posted: July 14, 2020, 10:38 PM


Posts: 290
Joined: December 23, 2018



I think you are making good decisions, HARD decisions but good for you right now. And Airbnb is a good idea right now. A safe place to gather your thoughts & develop a plan.

Hang in there LostGirl! Listen to your gut, you know what you need to do & now take that one step forward

I'm so sorry
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Posted: July 15, 2020, 9:21 PM


Posts: 6
Joined: July 12, 2020



Hi lostgirl
How are you doing? Just thinking of you.
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Posted: July 16, 2020, 9:47 AM


Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020



Hi Everyone!

I found a hotel in the mountains ( i figured it would be perfect to clear my mind). I haven't really slept since Saturday and covering up the bags under my eyes for my work zoom meetings is becoming more difficult.

My husbands therapist said that leaving him really doesn't do anything to help him, but actually hurts the process more. As it has only been two months since he has gotten out of recovery and this is going to be a long run where he needs to mentally commit too and figure out what his triggers are.

To be honest I feel extremely weak/ stupid as I want to go home and try to be there for him as I know he is feels extremely depressed and disgusted with himself.

In all of your experience with your love ones do you feel it has helped being there for them or more hurtful. I don't know what to do, but I love him and I don't know if I am ready to fully give up.
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Posted: July 16, 2020, 7:39 PM


Posts: 173
Joined: November 10, 2019



lostgirl I really question what the therapist told you. Leaving him helps YOU. Does the therapist know he won't go to AA meetings and is hiding vodka in water bottles?We live what we tolerate and I think you're missing what used to be or what you wish it was. The reality is your married to a man with a serious alcohol addiction. It will just be more of the same over and over again. He's not working on recovery and is hiding things. When people show you who they are, believe them. I learned this the hard way. Its your choice how you want to live your life though and I wish you all the best.
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Posted: July 17, 2020, 6:32 PM


Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020



I think you are right that I am hoping things will be what they used to be and that we still have a future together. I've always been the type of person to never give up and as foolish as I may sound I am not ready to give up on him. I know it in my heart and gut that he can get through this and I know I am strong enough to keep fighting for him even if he won't.

I am just not ready to give up hope.
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Posted: July 20, 2020, 12:12 AM


Posts: 6
Joined: July 12, 2020



Lostgirl you are very strong with a woman like you supporting him he is very lucky to have you.
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Posted: July 22, 2020, 10:14 AM


Posts: 290
Joined: December 23, 2018



Lostgirl - do NOT feel bad for loving your husband & standing by his side. I wish you the best, and you have to choose a course that is best for you & your family!
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Posted: July 22, 2020, 5:44 PM


Posts: 1678
Joined: June 27, 2016



Hi Lostgirl, just want to throw in my 2cents worth of opinion... Your relationship with your husband does not have to be All or Nothing. I have heard of relationships where the couple lives apart. They love each other and do not want to end the marriage or be with someone else, but for their own sanity they need space. Maybe that can be something that would work out for now. You need your 'safe' place. Your husband also needs the space to do what he needs to do for himself. To be independent and make his decisions without leaning on you to do his chores.

idk if I am accurate, or if it makes sense to others, just tossing it out there.
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