I Can’t Take It Anymore- Don’t Make My Mistake
Posted: June 26, 2020, 1:42 AM

Posts: 43
Joined: September 24, 2015

I have been on this forum for years since 2015 I believe. My then boyfriend was addicted to pain pills, tried heroin, meth once, but stuck with opiates. It has been a whirl wind. Then I got engaged after he was sober 6 months. He was on and off on drugs. I still got married. He has never been in trouble with the law. Graduated college has a good job. Fools everyone into thinking he is “normal”. I was pregnant and had a horrible pregnancy in and out of the hospital. Me and baby were near not making it many times. All the while he was high. I was on bed rest with kidney disease pregnant with the doors locked while he was high in the other room. I stayed with him. He overdosed when our baby was a week old and had to be resuscitated. I stayed with him. He stole my oxy that I had from my c section and kidney surgery. I stayed with him. He lied to me over and over and I’m still here. I’m living with my mom I haven’t been home in months. He won’t wash his hands or take any precautions during the pandemic. Thinks I’m crazy for not letting our son who was a preemie go out and about right now. His dad has had to call 911 THREE times in the last week because he claims his blood sugar is low (the only time it gets low is when he uses) He tells me I’m horrible for not “letting him” see his baby. Even though every time we make plans to meet he shows up late and baby is ready for a nap or he kisses all over baby when I specifically ask him not too because he doesn’t social distance and it scares me. I do everything for my child. My baby is my world my everything. He begs me to go home. Tells me how ridiculous I am. Swears he isn’t doing drugs even though I find foil, cash being taken from our accounts, liquor and whiskey bottles all over the house, marijuana everywhere. And he makes me feel crazy. I know he’s lying but the way he makes me feel is like I am a lunatic. I can’t take it anymore. All I want is to be away with my child and happy. I’m miserable. This should be the happiest time of my life but I’m heart broken. I don’t want my child to have this life. But I can’t leave. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want him to ever have custody. But he’s so good at seeming normal he would get it. I’m so upset. I have used the virus to stay away but I can only keep using that excuse for so long. If you are reading this and hoping for your boyfriend to change, please leave. I wish I had of listened to all the people on here who told me to run from my first post. I will always protect my child and do what’s best. But I am struggling so much right now to find the strength to make the right choice. My addict husband makes me feel so stupid even though I know I’m not. God bless everyone I pray we all find the strength we need.
Posted: June 26, 2020, 9:48 AM

Posts: 327
Joined: December 23, 2018

I'm so sorry you are on this path with him. Why can't you leave? I feel protecting your baby from him is your number one priority. You do need to go to court & get legal separation orders & custody orders. Without a court order he has the same rights as you do for caring for, taking and keeping your child. If you haven't already, start documenting, documenting, documenting! Recordings, photos & notes of conversations, where you are, where he is, comments, who was present & witnessed behavior. You should probably get a temporary restraining order & without any advance notice to him (no heads up) AT THE HEARING ask the Judge to order you both to have a drug test. The Judge can order things for him to do before he can have any visitation.

As you are painfully experiencing, life with an addict is filled with lies, stealing, deception, fear, anxiety, anger & tears. Do not threaten him, do not offer him "rewards" or help, he already figured out what you wanted to hear to marry him. He sounds like my son, used meth for 15-20 years but had a very good job so the only person dealing with his crazy train was his wife. About 3 years he failed a mandatory drug test at work & lost his good job, lost his house, lied to us & "borrowed" a large sum of money from us & then disappeared for 6 months. For two years he put us thru hell.

Maybe if your husband losses his wife, child, home, etc. he'll start to understand he has to make changes. Good luck, I think your #1 priority right now is to take control of what you can control. Your future & protecting your baby.
Posted: June 26, 2020, 10:07 AM

Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020

Hi Katie42,
I just to replied your post in my post. I have also set-up my own bank account to ensure that no matter what I have money if I need to leave. I think you should do the same and see if you can get the hospital records or in touch with the paramedics who have come during these 911 calls

I agree with the post above me start the documents. Where I live it's a pretty simple process to file for separation. I just googled it to understand the process if I needed too.

Also, I think you should get a therapist or try Al-Anon as this all of this we lose ourselves sometimes especially when our husbands make us feel crazy even though we aren't. Always trust your gut, because you are right and don't let him make you believe your not.

Start doing things for yourself and your child even if it is small things like going for a walk daily . You need to find yourself again.

Posted: June 26, 2020, 7:59 PM

Posts: 1746
Joined: June 27, 2016

I think you can get a 'property' order of protection. This will say he is not allowed on your mother's property. But you and the baby can see him at a public location. Do not visit at his house. There are too many dangers for the baby. and he can trap you there. Start a slow separation. You need to feel safe. If you can not feel safe at your mother's house start planning a exit strategy to use when you need it. Hopefully you wont need it.

Finances. Open your own account at a different bank.

He is manipulating you and you are letting him. It is hard and fear inducing to make the first steps. But you have to save yourself.

My addict is my son. It has been a slow, slow path of detaching, but we have made progress.

Last year I got to the point where I could not let him manipulate me into being a person I did not want to be. keeping secrets, giving $ when I didn't want to, giving in when I would suffer more than he was. The fear that they put us thru is Awful. 'NO' does not mean No to the addict.

You never know what kind of 'accident' will happen when an addict is around. Please start planning so you and your son can live in peace.

Best Wishes for YOU!
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