Unfaithful And New Beginnings
Posted: June 17, 2020, 12:36 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: June 17, 2020

So I’ve been dating this guy for about 5 months and he’s my first boyfriend ever. He recently relapsed and didn’t tell me until I noticed he was really high one night and puking everywhere. I went through his phone and discovered he was doing benzos. The next day I broke up with him but have been a part of his recovery (visiting him through rehab, speaking through his counselor etc) I love him very much and we often talk about a future still together. When he first suggested to go monogamous I was still into this other guy and assumed things wouldn’t work out between us anyways. I hooked up with the other guy and did not tell my current ex. I recognize I wasn’t interested in being with him at the beginning but we fell in love soon after. I know I was wrong, I never told him. My question is do I tell him now that we are thinking of getting back together? Should we have a clean slate ? Or will this affect his recovery ?
Posted: June 17, 2020, 10:26 PM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

Hi tdcl and welcome. I'm an older person (62) and have some thoughts to share. Addiction puts a really big strain on any relationship. It sounds like you are very supportive of him and his recovery. I personally think you don't need to tell him because there's no positive from it and you were single at the time. I think there are serious issues to think about going forward in your relationship. Knowing what I know now about addiction, it's very complex and unless the person is working their recovery seriously, the relationship is risky. It also can pull out codependent behavior in the partner which isn't healthy either. I wish you all the best.
Posted: June 20, 2020, 7:14 PM

Posts: 1746
Joined: June 27, 2016

There’s lots of things your ex did not tell you. Don’t worry about sharing everts with him. No it will not help his recover to hear that you were with someone else. Please think about making this a friendly relatwith your ex. Addiction is complicated and can go on for years and drain you of everything you havre, emotionally and materially. It sounds like you are too young to Begin living your life this way. Figure out YOUR Goals, work towards that, try not to let relationships derail you.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on June 20, 2020, 7:16 PM
Posted: June 24, 2020, 4:08 PM

Posts: 327
Joined: December 23, 2018

Like Sallyanna, I'm 62 & have been married 41 years. I agree with NewYork & Sallyanna. Clearing the slate causes WAAAAAAY more problems than it will be worth. Work on YOUR goals, much too soon & early to have these problems already. Marriage & long term relationships take a lot of work under the best circumstances, don't add unnecessary things to your burdens
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