Learning To Have Courage
Posted: June 11, 2020, 9:19 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: June 11, 2020

Learning to cope with the fact that my significant other is still- using drugs,(learned yesterday he was still using drugs by seeing his face after work) with the impression that he was going to he Methadone clinic everyday, confuses and hurts so badly.
(We have been together for 2 years and after seeing him overdose in my bathroom and me having to call 911 a year ago, I have done all that I could and to tell him its over and to leave I cant do this anymore, hurt. Their is so much more that I want to say- yet the urge to scream out how to live and accept that he wouldn't tell me he was using drugs and wanting to question if he went to the methadone clinic ran through my mind. At this point how do I learn to accept and heal from this? Meaning, if something was to happen to him, is their somethings I can do to help myself to let go? I am scared, afraid and frustrated.
I told him I loved him very much and I just cant-anymore, I am reaching out to any for support or help.
Thank you
Posted: June 11, 2020, 11:06 PM

Posts: 1743
Joined: June 27, 2016

Hello, sorry that you are here and that you had to break up with your partner.

If something happens to him, know that he didn’t want it to happen. He would rather be with you than without you, yet he can’t have both. He knows this. He is stuck in something that is more powerful, more gripping, than all of us put together. Some people are able to jump out of it seemingly quickly , for others it is a slow crawl .

How do we live with the hurt. Difficult. Like a grief it goes on for awhile. Like PTSD there are triggers over and over.

At one point something that helped me let go a bit was to understand that everyone has their own path and purpose. Some suffer more than others. It is hard to watch.

As my son became older I knew that he knows right from wrong. He understands consequences. He had to stand on his own. We can not be a care giver to an adult 24/7.

It is a mind-boggling illness. Self induced, medicated. I do blame the drugs themselves. They do quite a bit to numb and dumb down, and make the person think they are doing fine, when they are not. if the person wants to live that way, in that state, it is sad but there is a point that we need to save ourselves

I wish I had better answers.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on June 11, 2020, 11:20 PM
Posted: June 12, 2020, 8:43 AM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

Well said NTF
Posted: June 12, 2020, 2:30 PM

Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020

I am so so sorry you are going through this. I recently went through something similar with my husband.

I have learned through this process is that you have no control over what they do and if they make bad choices it is the disease and there is nothing you can do.

I have started to attend Al-Anon meetings focus more on taking care of myself. For me this is really helpful and is helping learn that he is the only one who can help himself

This forum also has been a saving grace. The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone and you are way stronger then you think.

I wish you the very best.
Posted: June 13, 2020, 12:57 PM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

Hi Rochelle and welcome. I'm sorry you are hurting. Its very hard loving someone who has a addiction. Its like trying to grab smoke. I think as Lostgirl said it's important to focus on you and your well being. He needs to focus on himself (if he chooses to). In my opinion, we need to have healthy boundaries and know what we will and won't accept in our life. Sometimes we can get so wrap up in the life of the person we love with an addiction we neglect of own life and even may accept abuse (emotional or physical). I hope you will continue to focus on you.
Posted: June 13, 2020, 7:38 PM

Posts: 2
Joined: June 11, 2020

I want to thank you all for your time for reading what I have second guessed for sometime.
My heart is quite thankful for the story that NY to Florida has shared, you're right- He is old enough to understand he it is very draining to hear or see one suffer.
He ignored for the past two days and I have reached out to my family and best friend even looking for a counselor.
I have made progress and that was to keep my word to myself and let his family know today that I have to let go for my own sake.
I spoke with his father and his mother who were both looking for him and terrified that he wasn't answering his phone- I was trying to keep to myself and let the relationship go since a couple days ago seeing as he may not remember and wanted to come back today.

So much has happened within the last 8 months yet that takes time write. I have come realization that I am tired and need to fight for my life and make peace with my love while letting him go.
Thank you Lostgirl12 for sharing your story as well and we are in this together I have you all and having support is helping. Thank you again NY to Florida and Sallyana for taking the time to reach out to me.
I just came in the house after telling my ex that I love him and please get help please, I was mentally and emotionally exhausted with the things I have to do. And him not remembering much of anything from the other day made the conversation end quickly.
Checking my laptop just popped in my mind and I am glad I checked my posts.
It helped me to calm down and re-grounding my surroundings.
Ill check back Sunday on our posts and read more, I have had a long stressful and sad day.
I hope you all find something funny to watch and cuddle with your family as I will do the same.
And remember that indeed we do have one another and were not alone.

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