Addict Son Still Homeless A Year Later
Posted: May 18, 2020, 10:28 PM

Posts: 11
Joined: October 11, 2018

Today I passed my homeless addict son waiting for the bus. His 24th birthday was last week and he didn’t respond to any of our text messages, but posted his drug use to his social media account. It has been a year since we stopped enabling and made him move out of our home after 4 years of trying to get him sober with rehabs and living with us. My heart still breaks every time I see him. Honestly, I can’t believe he made it the whole year. He has been arrested for trespassing in a vacant home as he tried to stay warm over our cold winter months. I really thought he would have overdosed or be in jail.

He blames us for treating him poorly. We never did enough for him and it is all our fault. Kicking him out was my last resort and I honestly thought if I was strong enough to hold firm and not enable his path would change. But, we are a year later and nothing is different except now we have no contact because he hates us. My anxiety level is better, but there is much sadness. How do you mourn the child that was or could have been?

I have been in therapy for years that has really helped me, but I still want a different outcome. I struggle to accept this is my reality with my son for today.
Posted: May 18, 2020, 11:12 PM

Posts: 284
Joined: December 23, 2018

Thanks for sharing your difficult, heartbreaking journey. We (everyone in the chat) feels your page. We are at different stages of standing firm & feeling guilty & broken hearted.

If you hadn't stood your ground for the last year, he would STILL be in the same situation & would still be blaming you. Addicts blame everyone but themselves. My heart hurts for you. Please feel free to share your feelings here. We will not judge & give you suggestions & our experience. I'm sure your post has helped someone who has not yet been able to stop enabling.
Posted: May 27, 2020, 12:37 AM

Posts: 1671
Joined: June 27, 2016

AMMGR - so much of what you said resonates with me. Thank you for sharing. It is very sad for many of us. We made our son move out about a year ago. He has been doing ok, we thought he would be getting a second job, but the second one has not come thru and the part time job has reduced his hours. He is living in a homeless motel since January. Is on a waiting list for housing that might never come thru. The ups and downs are rough. Two weeks ago he was hopeful and planning. Now his hopeful plans have stalled. It has taken him longer to get his life together as a homeless person, than it did in the past when we helped him. Of course the covid issues don’t help. Your son may not want to talk because there isn’t anything positive to say. It is hard. To talk and stay up beat. And then the sadness after the phone call. Probably on both sides.

I understand, we all want a different outcome. And it is grief for the child we lost. Some one called it perpetual grief.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 27, 2020, 12:52 AM
Posted: May 28, 2020, 4:44 AM

Posts: 159
Joined: November 10, 2019

Yes, it's very sad and heartbreaking....nothing really feels right...doesn't feel right to help and doesn't feel right to not help. I thought too my daughter would hit "rock bottom" after becoming homeless and losing everything she'd be motivated to take a step in the right direction. No, she has a poly addiction now and her thinking and rationale has taken a nose dive. Addiction is so cruel.
Posted: June 4, 2020, 7:48 AM

Posts: 11
Joined: October 11, 2018

Thanks for the replies! You are so right. Addiction is so cruel and it is a perpetual grief. I had someone recently tell me the sadness I feel is Natural response to a very unnatural circumstance. I am in a constant battle of still wanting to fix the situation for him, but I know nothing I do will actually make a difference as he has to want and work towards a different life.

I admire those people who have fought through the pains of addiction to find a better life. While that does provide some hope I recognize there are also those with addiction who will never be able to break the chains.

The pains of being a parent to an addict are very intense, especially after you are in it for years.
  top of page  Top