Beginning Is It The End
Posted: May 14, 2020, 6:19 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: May 14, 2020

My husband is an alcoholic and he won’t acknowledge. We own a business together and it is always only at work that he gets completely drunk and we have to close. I’ve had enough. I love him more than anything but I can not take it anymore. Never knowing if or when. He’s very good at lying and covering uo. I constantly doubt myself about knowing... is he drinking. Constantly questioning my gut. But it is so obvious. Sometimes to the point of black out I can’t run the business alone- I feel so pinned in a corner. I just want him to get better so we can have a life. I wish I didn’t love him as much as I do.
Posted: May 14, 2020, 10:02 AM

Posts: 325
Joined: December 23, 2018

You are in a very tough spot, most addicts/alcoholics deny their addiction. They believe they are experts in hiding it & everyone else is wrong & nagging them, making a big deal out of nothing. Check out Al-Anon for help for yourself. You will never get him to take help if he doesn't want it & it will drive yourself crazy. Good luck & take care of your own health - physically & mentally

Posted: May 14, 2020, 9:51 PM

Posts: 21
Joined: May 4, 2020

I am so sorry your in this situation. It is not easy and I suggest that you either try the website posted below or try therapy. It helps to get an outsider perspective.

I hope something gets better and remember you are not alone in this
Posted: May 14, 2020, 10:17 PM

Posts: 1743
Joined: June 27, 2016

Hello Dje, you have several options:
1. Leave the marriage / ask him to leave the home. It sounds like you love him and this would be a last resort.
2. Close the business. You and your husband find regular jobs apart from eachother. If he is drunk only at work, then there's something about the business that is not good for him. maybe he needs to be in a different business.
3. Think of a few solid boundaries. Start with one. No drinking or under the influence while at work. No need to guess if he is. it is not allowed. If he does consume while at work or come in to work drunk, then the business closes immediately. there by giving immediate consequences to behavior that is not tolerated. Where else is it allowed to drink and become drunk while at work.
4. If rule # 3 becomes too hard to manage, see rule #2.

Go to meetings, see a counselor that specializes in alcohol and addiction cases.
Try to get your husband to go to meetings or see someone to help get him thinking about decreasing and/or quitting drinking.

Smart Recovery .org is a different type of on line meetings. Good information at their website. Of course AA, Al Anon, are good too. search for the meeting group that is comfortable for you.

Regarding meetings, while researching recovery / support for my son for several years, the people who were successful stressed that a person in recovery needs to stay connected to recovery thru meetings or participation of some sort. It gives people purpose to help others and give back once they are sober. It also helps them stay accountable. (of course everyone is different)

My husband was talking to someone recently - an older adult who owns a mechanic shop, who has been sober for a number of years, but still goes to at least one meeting a day and said if it was not for taking care of his teenaged daughter, he probably would not be sober or alive today. He stressed how important the meetings are to him.

It is between your husband and the man in the mirror. He needs to make some decisions that you both can live with. It is important that he knows you mean business, you will still love him and you can be creative about your living arrangements and working agreements, but it is not fair for you to live and work in an inconsistent, stressful environment.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 14, 2020, 10:22 PM
Posted: May 17, 2020, 6:31 PM

Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019

Dje it's hard when they won't acknowledge their addiction. It's really the elephant in the room he doesn't want to see or discuss, but it's still there. It must be very difficult for you to try to run a business with him.

Just know there are always options in life. You don't have to feel stuck. You can do what is best for you and if he chooses to get the help he needs that is his choice. Meanwhile, don't let your life go down the drain too. We all deserve safety, security, and happiness.
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