Really Bad Situation
Posted: March 28, 2020, 10:32 AM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



My daughter is in a really bad situation. In addition, is having very serious health problems (most likely including her heart) and has lost all her belongings now including her wallet and ID. I want her to get out of the city she is in and get back to our state so I can keep her dog while she gets the medical care she needs. She won't leave her dog (he's 9 years old and she's had him from 8wks old and is her emotional support dog). She has no health insurance. Now with the covid 19 pandemic and lockdowns it has complicated the situation too. I hate this for her...
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 10:46 AM


Posts: 277
Joined: December 23, 2018



Awww Sallyanna - that's just awful. Would she let you take her dog so she can get medical treatment? Or would that open you up to her coming back to your house & wanting to move in without addiction treatment? I'm so sorry
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 11:10 AM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Yes she would let me take her dog and I would do so. Right now she is stuck in a fairly big city in another state. She needs an ID to travel.which she doesn't have plus most everything is shut down. Plus she's worried if they will treat her withdrawl in the hospital p!us right now most hospitals are mostly focused on covid 19. I don't want her to get the virus in her state of health. IDK...
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 4:19 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: March 20, 2018



What worry for both you and your daughter, especially now that travel is so limited. Is there anyone near her who can look after her dog if she can get medical help?
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 6:08 PM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Sadly, I have a brother (one of her 3 uncles) who lives in the city she's at and he won't return her calls. My family is cold and mean. I have to figure a way for her to get the help she needs. I'm very worried.
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 6:13 PM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Her ex boyfriend's (really great guy who broke up with when he found out about her addiction) family lives in this city too. I have called his mother a few times and told her it's an urgent situation. She hasn't returned my calls.
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Posted: March 28, 2020, 11:41 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: March 20, 2018



So heartbreaking. xo
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Posted: March 29, 2020, 5:17 PM


Posts: 1663
Joined: June 27, 2016



So sorry. You must be a wreck, and hardly sleeping. 🙁

I think you can go to DMV on line to order new ID

Call a Hotline in her city to explain situation and see if you can gather information or help to figure out a plan for your daughter.

It is awful that family won’t answer your calls. That is what addiction does. People don’t want to get involved.

Maybe The Addicts Mom group - can help with getting her into a safe place with medical care.

Maybe on line you can sign her up for Medicaid. Or start the paper work or find the state insurance people who will meet your daughter at a location near her to sign her up

As we see our children are their own worst enemy. She needs medical care but puts up road blocks on why this won’t work, can’t do that....

Hugs for you!

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Posted: March 29, 2020, 10:46 PM


Posts: 1663
Joined: June 27, 2016



Its a tough decision - which path to go down. A. Try to get her help in the city she is in , or B. bring her closer to you.

You have been putting this out to her for many months. It is so frustrating that now it is an emergency! and too many road blocks to navigate, ID, Insurance,
(like my son's dental issues)

I think I would get her to agree to going to the place you want her to go to. Then, shore things up with the place, pick up your daughter and drive her directly there. The other problem is if her health is suffering, she may need to go to hospital first. Unless they have a hospital facility?

They will probably want her to go to detox at a hospital first. That would be the wisest choice. So, maybe talk to someone at the hospital, make arrangements for her to go directly to detox and not sit around the waiting room.

Assure her this is in her best interest and she may not like it, and it will take a long time of being clean before she is really feeling better. point out that she has to be in a safe place where she can rest in order for her body to heal. she also needs medical care.
Tell her this is the best interest for her dog. Explain that at this time she has control of what happens to her dog. If she is having an emergency it is a good chance her dog could be left on the street or in a shelter if she's lucky.

I know you know all of this and have told your daughter many times. Sorry that I am telling you what you already know. I'm just trying to put thoughts out there. maybe something I say will give you a new idea.

I know you must be tired of it, the same conversation. I know I am with my son. I get annoyed to my self that he should be farther in life, he wasted years, now it is like he is going thru the beginning steps, again and again. I know he is tired of it too. he tries to stay positive.

Maybe you are able to get all the ducks in a row and then tell your daughter you will be picking her up on *this date* and driving her to *blah*, etc.

sometimes my son has reacted better when We Tell Him what the plan is instead of waiting for him to make a decision. usually that is after we have waited and waited … then we say- were doing it this way - and he says OK.

Warm thoughts are with you. From your posts I know this will be a tall order for you to pull off.
I hope it all turns out better.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on March 29, 2020, 10:54 PM
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Posted: March 29, 2020, 11:14 PM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Thank you...yes this has been going on a long time. She wanted to get on methadone before she did anything. She's had 4-5 methadone appts she's messed up on in the last 2 months...why I'm not sure. Without health insurance I think the only way she can get help is through the ER. I have an older car and it won't make it to where she is and I don't have the money to rent one. Right now my brain is shutting down and I don't know what to do in this current situation plus with the lockdowns. She's made so many bad choices...says she has another methadone appt???
Its very hard and sad.
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Posted: March 29, 2020, 11:28 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Sallyanna, First I hope you and all of your family is doing well in these times

That's a tough call but she does have some youth on her side and if has had to tone down her use maybe it will just enough to get through withdrawal or fight the virus if she gets it. Those chemically dependent are going to find themselves in many compromising positions. Some will see the light/find motivation to quit and others will be their miserable 'normal' selves.

A true parent but you are doing all the work/taking all the heat she should. Yes these are unique times but in the end she needs to be the one to find a place she's comfortable with and be responsible for her health. And she needs to be careful about being on the street especially after dark in many of these cities. Hopefully the news/reality can distract her enough to lower her use and/or go through withdrawal.

Also what are rehab facilities and experts saying about how the lockdowns and virus are affecting their facilities and/or treatment methods? Heard many hospitals are taking doctors from any and all specialties so a hospital might not even have rehab doctors available. Does she have any friends that actually gone through withdrawal on their own, maybe they could help.

Hang in there. You're dealing with the stress of stressfull times for two people when it should be one.

Stay healthy be safe!

This post has been edited by samegame on March 29, 2020, 11:30 PM
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Posted: March 30, 2020, 2:52 PM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Thank you SG I hope you are doing well too and everyone right now. Like NTF said, much like her son, my daughter has waited and waited based on this and that and now she is very sick. About two months ago, before the pandemic became an issue, she had a friend who would take her dog while she went to the ER. She has 3 major health issues...She didn't go because she wanted to get on methadone so she wouldn't detox in the hospital. (?!?!) Since then, this friend has moved away. Now she has no friends to watch her dog. Plus, as you said, with the pandemic hospitals are shifting their focus to keep up with the current crisis which is still growing.

This post has been edited by Sallyana on March 30, 2020, 2:53 PM
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Posted: March 30, 2020, 4:18 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Sallyanna. Is she documented at any of the local clinics, rehabs or methadone clinics? In other the words has she used somekind of subsidized care with the provider already knowing she can't afford to pay? Sooner or later one of her issues will be a big issue. Can she triage herself? At least get one under control if that's possible.

And I see the procrastination here as well. But they don't think about potential consequences. I'm considered too negative if I point them out.
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Posted: March 30, 2020, 4:18 PM


Posts: 1663
Joined: June 27, 2016



Sallyanna,
Can I ask what city your daughter is in?
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Posted: March 30, 2020, 7:29 PM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



From what I understand, she went somewhere about 2 months ago to find out about services she may be eligible for. I know she had to make an appointment and this is where she found out about the free methadone clinic.

NTF Id rather not disclose her city for personal reasons. I appreciate all your ideas and information very much.
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Posted: March 30, 2020, 11:27 PM


Posts: 1663
Joined: June 27, 2016



Your right. I forgot so many people would see this information. 😬👍
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Posted: April 1, 2020, 12:19 AM


Posts: 149
Joined: November 10, 2019



Talked to my daughter have a tentative plan. Has appt in 6 days at a methadone clinic. From there going to get her to a decent area and decent hotel for a few days. Going to research methadone clinics in the area where she used to live (about 30 min from where I live) I have some retired friends (married couple) who will drive me to go get her. Then take her to an ER to address her most urgent medical issues. How does this sound?
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Posted: April 1, 2020, 3:54 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



The good news she at least can get to a methodone clinic. And you have a ride. The only problem I see now is with 3 people in the vehicle some places have a mass gathering/social distance rule. How hard they enforce that is another question. Hopefully the city she is in hasn't blocked local streets to traffic.

It's a plan with hope. Good Luck

This post has been edited by samegame on April 1, 2020, 3:54 PM
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Posted: April 1, 2020, 8:17 PM


Posts: 1663
Joined: June 27, 2016



Thank sounds like a Wonderful Plan!

(unfortunately it puts you in a situation of juggling all the pivot points - which is OK as long as it is temporary and you are able to do it. Once you get a plan in motion, keep it going and even if you don't feel strong enough, be firm on deadlines, and when something is lined up, don't let her talk out of it. pick her up, heels dug in, and bring her to the next designation. Us moms are tough when we have a mission! Get out your spreadsheet and sharpen the pencil! I say it like this because I feel like there is an imaginary time deadline that she cant afford to procrastinate any more. that's what I mean about being firm)

Good Luck! I know there is only so much you can do to set things up, there is help out there if you have time to make the phone calls.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on April 1, 2020, 8:17 PM
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Posted: April 2, 2020, 12:55 AM


Posts: 56
Joined: March 20, 2018



I'm wishing you good luck too. I hope all goes well. xo
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