Need Advice To Help My Sister
Posted: February 6, 2020, 3:16 AM

Posts: 1
Joined: February 5, 2020

I need advice! My sister is on methadone as treatment for her drug addiction. She is still occasionally missing days of getting the methadone and using street drugs. She insists that she is sober. However, she is just not the same person. She has lost both her kids because of her addiction.

She currently lives in a house with no electric, heat or water with her boyfriend. She has no job and no money. She came to me and said she's ready to get out of this life and have a normal life. She is pregnant again. She wants to leave her boyfriend and asked if I would let her live with me.

Now because she's pregnant she is considered high priority for treatment. They want her to go to a halfway house to help her get back on her feet, but they said she would have to first spend 2 months in a rehab inpatient program.

She feels because she is not currently using (this week) that there is no reason to go through this inpatient program. I should mention she has already gone through rehab twice. She also feels like there is no need for the halfway house. She thinks she just needs the help from her family to get back on her feet and stay sober.

I'm not sure if I believe this is the answer. I think she needs all the help they can offer in the treatment of her addiction as this is not a quick fix. I told her that I wanted her to have more time sober and be in an active treatment program before I would consider letting her living with me. She became very angry when I told her this and said if she is found dead from an overdose that it's our fault because no one will let her stay with them.

I don't know what to do! Please help!
Posted: February 6, 2020, 5:15 AM

Posts: 80
Joined: November 10, 2019

Welcome and I'm sorry to hear about your sister. I think you are wise to advise her to take the help that is being offered to her. You are spot on for not letting her live with you until she has sobriety for a good length of time. She is emotionally blackmailing you by saying that to you. Don't let it influence you. For some reason, they never want to take the logical road to getting help and better. Either she's not thinking straight or she's still using and doesn't want to really give it up. Living with her would not help her or help you. It would be a nightmare...Plus once they are in your home it's hard to get them out if things go bad (and they will). She needs to take the help and it's her choice if she takes it or not. She can not blame you for her bad choices. Make sure you have clear and stated boundaries with her.
Posted: February 6, 2020, 9:51 AM

Posts: 1623
Joined: June 27, 2016

I agree 100% with Sallyanna. Your sister wants to take the easy route under your roof. The inpatient path is perfect for her. Very lucky to have that opportunity. She needs to stay in a program. If she lives at your home half your finances will be funneled into her care. She will manipulate you, for your car, food, spending money, dr appointments , her life will make your life unmanageable. And she won’t get into a program . If she goes thru the inpatient and halfway house she will learn to take care of herself. If she doesn’t it isn’t your fault
Posted: February 6, 2020, 8:42 PM

Posts: 44
Joined: January 12, 2020

"Wanting to do it on your own" is, in my opinion, another way of saying, "I don't really want to do this". And the fact that she is pregnant, yet again, without a suitable home, shows a lack of judgment and concern for her unborn child.. let alone the other 2 who are here already.

You are not a professional case worker.. and even if you were, she's your family, not an objective case. Let her show you how serious she is about making the changes and facing the demons, by committing to the prescribed program. Really, what else does she have to do with her time?

Don't let her cross your boundaries.. you have a whole forum full of people who can tell you what happens once an addict does.

I feel for you.. but take the advice from someone a few steps ahead of you with their own family member... you will end up taking on the stress and drama, it will negatively impact your relationship with your sister more than it already is, and you'll end up on this forum asking how to put your boundaries back up.

You are probably putting yourself in her shoes and trying to be the person you would like to have help you.. but she is not you.. she doesn't think like you and she doesn't have the same values as you.

Be a supportive sister from a safe distance. I wish you the very best!

This post has been edited by Jupiter2 on February 6, 2020, 8:42 PM
Posted: February 6, 2020, 9:00 PM

Posts: 246
Joined: December 23, 2018

Welcome & I'm sorry you are here & dealing with addiction. I agree with everyone else too. Great advice - You are her sister - not her social worker, case worker, drug counselor or therapist. Love her but do not let her pull you under too. She needs to find help right away or the court will remove her unborn child as soon as it is born too. You will be continually "helping" for the sake of the baby. She needs to care for herself before she can care for another baby....

Rough, hard difficult reality but we are all here for you, to listen to up vent & listen to your updates. The people here have given me (and I believe I'm speaking for almost everyone here) have first hand knowledge & experience and a wealth of knowledge & help from our own personal experiences.
Posted: February 8, 2020, 12:28 AM

Posts: 359
Joined: November 16, 2017

Hi & Welcome.

Just chiming in with the others. Addiction is bigger than what family can deal with. And, often, family are taken advantage of because of the strong bond/love.

You are correct that she really needs to go inpatient. Especially since she is pregnant. She needs a lot of help and monitoring.

Keep us posted.
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