Son Is Addicted To Cocaine
Posted: December 30, 2019, 6:55 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: December 30, 2019



Hi this is my first post here. ive known for at least a year my son has been using cocaine at first it was just an occasional use for parties and such and although i told him i did not like this it never affected who he was or what he was doing. However i now realise my mistake as the past four months he is constanty on it,has got into debt,stole of me,i have bailed him out with dealers also. It has totally changed his personality. I have tried soft approach,tried tough love. When i speak to friends they tell me to kick him out but i just cannot do that. He has a good job which he is starting to neglect,he fought hard to get this job which also i noticed is when all this started as he was never into drugs in his previous job. He is 20 years old and im terrified for him. Im a single parent and he is my only child
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Posted: December 30, 2019, 7:19 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Manty39 sorry to hear about your situation. In some respects not that unusual

And you realized the mistakes you made. Your end is under control now.

But until he wants to change/stop a lot of things you do won't have an effect. He basically has to check himself into rehab or go to meeting on his own. He has to want it.

I'm kind of surprised a 20 year old gets addicted to cocaine without issues with pot or alcohol. Did he have a juvenile history of drug abuse? Also many consider/ed cocaine a rich mans drug. Is this job the money source.

First thing is set boundaries if he is living with you and he must pay for all the little things. So even if he needs toiletries or food make him pay for his stuff. Even though you're not paying for drugs it leaves him with money for other stuff.

And last but not least stay safe. No more dealings with his dealers no matter how dire. And be aware cocaine is a stimulant and could lead to aggression/aggressive outbursts. Drugs don't manufacture emotions or thoughts but they lower impulse control making them easier to act on.

STAY SAFE!
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Posted: December 30, 2019, 7:33 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: December 30, 2019



hi samegame thanks for replying. He cant stand pot as far as im aware but yes he does drink most weekends where maybe this cocaine started? im not sure. And yes you are right about the aggression,he has never been physically violent towards me but he has been aggressive,just this morning infact when i confronted him once again about his habit he became really aggressive towards me. As for the money he has stolen loads of me this past while and i know he owes payday loan companies. I have put a stop to the stealing of me. I just dont know where to turn as we were extremely close at one point being just the two of us,and it has been for a long long time . I was just hoping that i could get him back on track
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Posted: December 30, 2019, 9:05 PM


Posts: 224
Joined: December 21, 2018



Sadly a parent confronting or bringing up various issues on whim shall we say with an adult child is they ignore or get upset-they'll consider it nagging. My advice is wait until a related issue comes up then confront him so he can't deny facts. Sometimes it's like training a dog you have to catch them on the spot(literally-yikes). Once they're not a teenager and they know they are an young adult who go on their own anytime they want, it's a different relationship.

Good news he sounds young enough so rehab might work but the longer they go without interruption those habits and life style start becoming entrenched. Even if you get him to try a rehab at least that breaks his routine.

This post has been edited by samegame on December 31, 2019, 12:54 AM
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Posted: January 16, 2020, 9:29 AM


Posts: 8
Joined: December 30, 2019



Thought my son was doing OK there for a while no lies lies and more lies! Just found the evidence this morning. Also he has been told his job is at risk. My dad is also going into hospital tomorrow for open heart surgery which when they tried before he nearly died. At my wits end here .
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Posted: January 18, 2020, 10:06 PM


Posts: 57
Joined: January 12, 2020



Oh Manty... I know you must feel overwhelmed.. that's a lot to be dealing with at once and so many conflicting emotions.

I hope you have some positive outlet (friends or hobbies) that allows you time away from all this.

I don't have specific advice right now, my children were big potheads in high school.. one straightened up and earned a master's degree in engineering, and one is the reason I found this wonderful forum.. a lot of what will happen depends on which path your son wants to take. And it's maddening to watch a child (however old) make bad decisions and close options.

Are you attending Al-Anon or any kind of real world support group? I have found that to be helpful in the past for myself.. and am just now getting back involved in a couple of groups.

.. i'll watch for updates from you.. meanwhile, you're in my thoughts.
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Posted: January 19, 2020, 12:45 PM


Posts: 363
Joined: November 16, 2017



Manty, unfortunately, I can relate all too well. We cannot save them.

We only enable when we don't let natural consequences take affect. And, I KNOW how painful that is..when you see them losing things they loved to addiction.

But, there is nothing we can do. They have to do it and they have to face the consequences.

Wishing you some peace today.
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Posted: February 22, 2020, 6:35 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: December 30, 2019



Hi. First of all thank you for the encouraging words.things are pretty much the same. He got a disciplinary at his work and told they will be keeping a close eye on him. I know I cannot help him anymore. I've tried and well I know only he can help himself. Good news my dad had his surgery and this time things went well and he is now home recovering obviously its quite a long road for him. My work have started to notice I'm struggling. I've have a couple of colleagues that I trust and have told them what has been going on so that helps in a way.
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