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To Those Who Are Ready To Leave


Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016


Posted: December 21, 2019, 11:04 AM
Spring of 2019 my son was living at home, active addiction. For 6 months we begged, pleaded, yelled, argued with him to go to treatment, meetings, to stop using. All the time he denied he was doing anything wrong. His paycheck disappeared faster and faster. I finally got to the point where I saw that our help really was keeping him in addiction. $20 = one more day. Food, shower, bed = one more day. In my sons case when he relapses he can not get out of it on his own. The addiction takes over until everything is gone.

It was hurting us. No sleep, couldn’t eat, mind and body was on high alert at all times. We kept giving in when we didn’t want to. Gas money, car repairs. I began to feel like a hypocrite. I knew what we were all doing was wrong but we could not stop it. My values and morals were being corrupted. I was doing things I would tell others not to do. (Letting my son drive knowing he is under the influence. I could not be the person I wanted to be. I was not a person I could respect. I decided I could not live w my son and not enable. The situation inherently puts a person in compromising positions. I was not able to tell my son no for the small things - a pack of cigs, gas to get to work. These small things kept him in addiction for another day. I saw with my whole being that my help was hurting.

Right at the breaking point I lost my job. It gave me the freedom to leave the house. I stayed at various friends, relatives, etc for two months. We all needed that break. My husband knew I was not leaving him. I just had to be away from being available to my son. It was liberating to break free of the pattern that held us.

It’s been about 8 months. I have a new job. I’m back home. Son went to jail then rehab, now is living at a shelter, is in a program to help find job and housing. I was mentally in a depressed state for many months. Slowly each month I feel a little better and am gradually getting more productive. I am looking forward to a new year.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on December 21, 2019, 11:06 AM


Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018


Posted: December 21, 2019, 11:10 AM
NY2FL - Thank you for sharing! Wishing you & your family a "happier" New Year - hoping your beautiful son the strength to stay on track & work towards become the man you know he can be!


Posts: 209
Joined: November 10, 2019


Posted: December 21, 2019, 11:25 AM
Yes, thank you for sharing NTF. I literally watched your transition and you have come a long way. You are really strong and wise. The site is very fortunate to have you here to share your experiences and insights. I know I get so much out of your posts and everyone's posts. I too wish you much happiness and joy in the New Year!


Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019


Posted: December 22, 2019, 11:49 PM
Thank you for sharing NY2FL. Your share gives me hope and strength to muster up the courage to get out. The simple fact of the matter is, I’m not healthy obsessing over my partners addiction and it has made me feel the lowest I’ve ever felt. Thanks for reminding me that the focus needs to remain on my wellbeing! Sending you prayers.


Posts: 132
Joined: December 30, 2018


Posted: January 9, 2020, 6:04 AM
This is refreshing to hear, I don’t think anyone really understands how hard it living with an addict until you have lived it, it is not a healthy situation all round, you hit the nail on the head when you said, you tell other people what they should be doing, but find you don’t follow it through yourself, every day I always try and work it out in my head how things should be, and what I am going to say and discuss with him, but I don’t , it’s so hard when it’s your child, anyway I haven’t been on here for a while, as I found it was consuming me, I have learnt to detach as much as I can, in fact the last few days I have felt there is something wrong with me, as I have actually felt to calm!! work that put, umm is this a lull before the storm, who knows, I am really glad you are feeling better, the thought of looking for another job, frightens the living day lights out of me, good on you for achieving that, I hope your son continues to do well in his recovery,


Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018


Posted: January 12, 2020, 5:07 PM
Thank you NY2FL!!!! Thank you for sharing! I think it is probably tough on those entering a new phase of the family member's or partner's addiction to stay active in this group, so thank you for giving us all hope!! And strength - you made very difficult decisions of over the past year & I hope for you & your son he realizes how bad is was & the hurt he was causing & gets clear & stays clean!!! Congratulations & Happy New Year!!!!
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