What Do I Do?
Posted: November 2, 2019, 2:03 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: November 2, 2019

My fiancé and I are set to get married in 2 months. He has been clean and not used meth in almost a year. The past 4 weeks has been so hard. First week I thought okay, he relapsed. Forgiven, but skeptical and scared it could happen again. Second week, third week, and now we’re in our fourth week of him smoking meth. Is this never ending? Is this still a relapse or is he back in the addiction? I’m scared to push through with the wedding. What if this isn’t just a relapse? I don’t know. I’m so confused. Our 7 yr old son adores his dad! Just what do I do? I have tried to reason out with him and he said he needed it, but now is promising he is done with it. He also suffers from bipolar and schizo disorder and smoking meth does not help with the hallucinations. I love my family, but hate the addiction. It brings around the most negative energy in our household and I am so disgusted when he is high on meth. I know the decision is ultimately up to me and my heart is telling me to stay, but my mind is telling me otherwise. Someone please help bring some light and clarity because I am so lost.
Posted: November 2, 2019, 3:58 PM

Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018

I think you have to read what his behavior is telling you (not his words). From my understanding, if someone in active recovery 'slips' they pull out all their resources (meetings, sponsor, outpt program, etc...) so they won't go on to a full blown relapse...and active addiction. What steps has he taken (again, focus on his behavior) to stop his relapse? If none of any merit, then he's sliding down the slippery slope and taking you and your son with him. Do you want to go down with.him? Because he'll take you down too and it's not a good life, it's horrible actually. If you think it's bad now, it will only get worse. His behavior will tell you what you need to do to protect yourself and your son. Don't deny what you know to be true.
Posted: November 2, 2019, 6:10 PM

Posts: 1716
Joined: June 27, 2016

Hello hopeful, my first thought is that he won’t pull out of this relapse on his own. My husband and I waited for my son to ‘pull himself ‘ out of it. He did not. It ran its course for 8 months. In that time we lived thru a slow nightmare. Always seeing the hope and possibilities, but not making any improvements. By month 3 to 6 we were asking, begging. Screaming for him to get help. The whole time he saying there’s not
Thing wrong. He’s not doing drugs, just stressed. By month 7 I had lost 20 lbs. afraid to be in my own house and I left home. My husband began drinking beer daily after work and gained 20lbs. Had high blood pressure. We could not be around without arguing about the situation. Months 8 my son was then out of the house, crashing w other addicts, living that life of survival. He wrecked two vehicles in 6 months. Diminished our finances. Compromised our health and relationships.
My son was not addicted to meth, it was heroin and pills.

He finally was arrested, that’s when it stopped.

In heinsight, it did none of us any good to wait for him to decide to get help. Each time we let him feel his consequences, he blamed us for ruining his life. We wanted to save him from loosing his job. In the end he lost it any way.

He was in jail and now a a half way house. It is 6 months since he was arrested. I am just now feeling comfortable . Every week is an effort to put the past behind me and to take care of myself be the person I want to be.
Posted: November 2, 2019, 6:13 PM

Posts: 1716
Joined: June 27, 2016

If you want to stay with him, you may need to come up with a creative time out. As soon as he relapses he goes to treatment, or you and your son leave the house until he is sober again.

Also remember to keep your finances separate forever. Do not keep anything that you value at the house. Always have an exit plan

Better to have a plan and never use it.. then to have no plan

Just by having a plan and thinking this out, may deter some relapses down the road.

Remember when they are in a relapse they think everything is fine and that their behavior is the same or better than usual, yet we keep finding fault with them and ‘unfairly ‘ pick on them..

It is like a parasite has taken over their body and mind.

Sorry about joking here, but picture him in a giant cockroach costume. Really, that’s what it’s like.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on November 2, 2019, 6:21 PM
Posted: November 2, 2019, 6:57 PM

Posts: 384
Joined: October 25, 2016

A year is not long enough to be off Meth to say he quit. He needs to be off it for years. The urge is so great. Bipolar and schizo-effective make relapse more likely and makes them more crazy dangerous when they do use. I would not marry him if I were you. Makes it harder to leave and get away when things get bad. Kids shouldn’t be around any of that. Run, don’t walk, in the other direction. It is not likely he will change.

This post has been edited by BugginMe on November 2, 2019, 6:58 PM

Posted: November 2, 2019, 8:18 PM

Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018

Posted: November 2, 2019, 10:10 PM

Posts: 304
Joined: December 23, 2018

I agree with the others - he's 4 weeks into smoking meth again & is telling you he's fine & doesn't have a problem! SMOKING METH IS A HUGE PROBLEM!! Your son deserves more than that, so do you! Begging, crying, screaming, threatening will not change ANYTHING. He has to realize that he cannot have his family & meth, he has to choose. But a meth addict will have drug induced mental health issues & personality changes while using. Your boyfriend has these issues already & they will become so incredibly magnified & unpredictable you have to protect yourself & your son. Put off the wedding, you do not need to be legally bound to bad decision he will make. If he choses detox & rehab, after he successfully completes it then you can discuss family counseling to move forward with future plans.

Good luck, protect yourself & don't allow him to suck you down the rabbit hole too & ruin 2 additional lives. Children KNOW when things are wrong, children who are raised by alcoholics & drug addicts or around drug use are much more likely to abuse drugs too. Plus they suffer such insecurity & uncertainty of never knowing what they are coming home to....
Posted: November 2, 2019, 11:29 PM

Posts: 57
Joined: March 20, 2018

Hello Hopeful,
So sorry that you have to ask this question. I agree with the others ... RUN, and stay safe. In my very humble opinion, I see this coming down to choosing your fiance, or you/your son. I'm a believer that if you have to ask the question, you already know what to do. You want to keep your son and yourself safe. Best of luck to you, it's never easy. xo

I read all the parenting books, we played together, they played with friends. I was there for them before and after school, they played hockey and soccer, we went on holidays. I thought I was doing it right.
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