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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: June 2, 2019, 2:22 PM
Hi – I feel compelled to tell this story. My thoughts drifted to how much I do not want my son home at any time in the future. Our family has suffered thru more than 6 years of addiction chaos. 2017 and 2018 here on the home front. I want to live simple. Go to work, come home, simple meals, save for retirement. I want to see the benefits of my actions for me, not to give my savings to someone else. Already done enough of that.
This event popped into my head. It is still confusing to think about. About 1.5 yrs ago in Feb 20018, son was deep in addiction w gf. Was mostly living at her house. He showed up after work saying his car was broken, he wont be able to take it to work in the morning. I don’t remember what the problem was. Overheating, or wouldn’t start? Before I could object, he had his work equipment into his Dad’s car - the newer car that I was driving bc we gave son my very old car. Dad was still at work using his other car. Son said he needed to do something, I don’t remember what, and would be back in about an hour. Which turned into several hours. . I might have started calling him bc dad was due home at 9pm and would have a fit that his car was gone. Son got back at lets say 8pm. With gf in car. Discovered his car was ok to drive. Put his stuff back into his car. and left w the gf. Then I went outside to smoke. The driveway light shined right on my son’s work ID on the visor in dad's car. OMG! I have to get that back to him right away. I drove to gf house to give him ID back…. Hoping I get back to the house before dad! In the car I found son moved things around – put my glasses in the glove box, etc… I found a heroin wrapper in the cup holder. As I was driving I heard wind. Put up the windows, still heard it… It was the sun roof open.. I never open the sun roof…. Got to the house, gave him the ID and wrapper. He said it was from marijuana. I got back home before dad. Whew! Later that night when going to bed, I heard it was RAINING! Many lessons in this story. The one with the most impact was that if I did not see the ID, the sun roof would have been open and the car would have been rain in on, all night. To make it worse, my son would not have cared. It wouldn’t be his fault. Cant blame him for the issue. More lessons. I am too easy to take advantage of. He puts me into a position of lying or keeping secrets which is not part of my value system, and I don't want any part of it. My son would not last a week back at home without asking us for money, car, ride even if he was sober. During 2017 when he was in heavy addiction, still going to work as long as the car was running, we did confront him many times. It did not make him change his actions. He clearly drives while impaired and does not care. Fall of 2018 to 2019 – 3 month of us yelling, begging, explaining, reasoning…. Did not make him change his actions. The only thing that put a stop to it was wrecked the car, lost the job, became homeless, and this time – jail. Except for jail, this has been the events that lead him to stop. The crazy train goes off the rails. Even when he looses home, job and car, it still takes two months of crisis before he lands in the hospital, rehab, or jail. Even after the emergency breaks are on, the train is off the rails, it still takes 1-2 months to stop. just sighting our own experience as an example. This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on June 2, 2019, 2:58 PM | ||
Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: June 2, 2019, 3:34 PM
NTF thank you for sharing your story. Its an example of what is their bottom? How much do they have to lose? And, has the train really stopped?
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Posted: June 2, 2019, 8:26 PM
I can relate to a few parts of your story, and I feel your pain. The lack of responsibility and seemingly lack of caring for others. All about the drug and the process of getting, using the drug. Always the drug.
YOU DESERVE the life you are explaining for yourself. Really, I know so well how tough it is, but living with an addict is just not normal and consumes everything. All give and no get...including basic respect. Hang in there, NY. And, just want to reinforce you deserve a calm life. | ||
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