Feel Sick
Posted: May 6, 2019, 1:03 AM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Finally made contact today with my daughter. She wasn't returning my calls the past 2 weeks. Last I talked to her she was going back to detox then no conversation for 2 weeks. Today she sounded so drugged. Never had sounded like this before. Said she "just doesn't care anymore". Told me she's doing another drug now too in addition to heroin. Said she has 5 abscesses on her body. The whole conversation was bad news...This is the worst she's ever been. I told her to get to detox. She said she didn't want to try anymore. She's hanging around really bad people and said she doesn't care what happens to her. This makes me sick...
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 2:30 AM


Posts: 122
Joined: December 30, 2018



Sally Anne this must be heart wrenching for you, so sad for you and your daughter, when she is talking that she basically has given up, I really don't have any words of comfort or advice, only that I am thinkin about you both, just try and take care of yourself the best you can, has she said what other drug she has been taking?
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 8:03 AM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Thank you for your kind words sad eyes. I'm not sure what the other drug is.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 8:58 AM


Posts: 373
Joined: October 25, 2016



I am so sorry you didn’t get good news. You must be worried sick. I know we aren’t supposed to help but sometimes you just can’t keep from it. Would she let you meet her somewhere and take her to detox or a hospital? Could you send an officer for a welfare check? Maybe they could call an ambulance for her. I don’t know much about heroin but sounds terrible.

--------------------
BUGS
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 9:15 AM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Thanks bugging me. She lives 9 hours away and I offered to come there and take her to detox. She said no she could detox herself if she wanted to (she can't she's tried before plus it's too dangerous). Her logic is really off in speaking to her and she's mumbling and rambling in her speech. I'd like her to come back to the area I live in and get her to the detox center she's gone to before. They know her and she knows them. She doesn't want to break her lease and I told her people break leases everyday. I can't talk any sense into her.

This post has been edited by Sallyanna on May 6, 2019, 9:16 AM
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 10:01 AM


Posts: 182
Joined: December 21, 2018



Hang in there Sallyanna. The fact she is talking to and seems to be honest with you is good.

And yes even younger adults can hang around with the wrong people. I see/saw it here. They constantly look for those with similar behaviors and attitudes. The want their habit/behavior validated.

The only thing you could do maybe is do research on the detox and rehab facilities in her area. Just forward them to her anyway possible. Even talk to them then give here a point of contact.

Just a paranoid word of caution. She might be very open to you as part of a sympathy play. I've seen the alkie/addict here say the doctors told him he had 1-3 years to live. He likes to talk about his medical issues in dramatic fashion unsolicited.

That being said I'd want to proceed with optimism too.

Stay Well!


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Posted: May 6, 2019, 10:07 AM


Posts: 316
Joined: November 16, 2017



Wow, so sorry for your heartbreak. Just want to really, sincerely extend myself to you that this must be beyond devastating.

If you have her address, I would call the police and ask if they can check on her. In all honesty, I might exaggerate her comments on not caring to see if she could be involuntarily admitted. BUT, we all know, in the end, nothing we do really helps the downward spiral. I guess I would do it, just because it might stop it temporarily....like toss a cup of water on a forest fire.

Again, so sorry things are going so badly for you and her.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 10:31 AM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Thank you parenting and same game. Even though she has her apt she is staying at these peoples place I don't know them or where they live. Just from some of the things she told me they are really really bad news. I told her she's putting herself in danger. She says she knows but doesn't care. Says she doesnt have a family and I'm no help. This is awful.

This post has been edited by Sallyanna on May 6, 2019, 12:13 PM
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 12:47 PM


Posts: 70
Joined: December 26, 2018



Sallyanna - I'm so sorry that you and your daughter are going through this. Words are insufficient to describe the devastation. I just... my heart breaks. I wish there was something that could be done to make this better, but I know from experience that there is nothing you can do. As a parent, there is no greater pain. I struggle to 'accept' the unacceptable every day. It is the greatest struggle I've ever endured.

Samegame - I know sometimes our loved ones like to 'play the sympathy card', but I don't feel that is happening in this case. I just don't get that vibe from this. And though the manipulation is difficult to deal with (when it takes place), it is coming from a place of real desperation. I believe our loved ones DO deserve our empathy, despite the crude tools they use to obtain it. It doesn't mean we should give in to their requests, but I try not to lose sight of the reality of the desperation they legitimately feel.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 1:06 PM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Thank you Yellowbirds. I think the only way she copes with life is being drugged. She thinks all her efforts in the past were for not mainly because her sober living failed so miserably. Then her friend OD'd which was very tragic. Her other friend who lives nearby (who never has had an addiction) has quit returning her calls. I'm speculating because my daughter lifestyle is so reckless and it's shocking to people who don't know what it's like. How do you make someone value themself? I tell her she is worth fighting for She is so gifted and beautiful.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 1:10 PM


Posts: 70
Joined: December 26, 2018



Sallyanna - I believe you when you say she's gifted and beautiful, and I'm honoured to have the opportunity to learn about her through you. You know what being the parent of a child with addiction feels like? It feels like a chokehold. Grabs you by the throat and doesn't let you go. I'm in the chokehold right now. Sending you a virtual hug xo
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 7:08 PM


Posts: 70
Joined: December 26, 2018



Samegame - I hope my comment didn't come off the wrong way. I completely understand where you're coming from as I have been manipulated by my loved one before. I'm just in a place right now where my sadness is stronger than my anger. Truthfully, I prefer feeling angry. It hurts less.

I hope my comment didn't seem insensitive. It's not my intention. I'm lost. Just... lost.

This post has been edited by YellowBirds on May 6, 2019, 7:09 PM
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 8:42 PM


Posts: 186
Joined: December 23, 2018



Awwww Sallyanna, I am also so sorry!! My heart breaks for you & your daughter. Drug addiction is F***ED!!! I hate it, I hate what it is doing to our children & US!!! ((((((hugs))))))) my friend, I wish I could just sit with you in person.....
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 10:53 PM


Posts: 1554
Joined: June 27, 2016



Sally Anna, I don’t want to scare u but the abscesses most likely need medical attention. Idk if they can heal on their own or need antibiotics. I think antibiotics are needed - from what I have read. Does your daughter have someone she will trust to bring her to hospital for the abscesses. Social worker.? Someone that can be firm enough to be sure to get her to hospital.? Maybe if u are able to go for a few days, stay at hotel. You wouldn’t have to tell her u are there initially. Can someone go with you.?

It is gut wrenching. If she comes home w you, u will ‘feel responsible ‘ to take care of her or be involved more than u want to be


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Posted: May 6, 2019, 11:04 PM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



Thank you Yellowbirds, mntmom, and NTF. I live paycheck to paycheck and have no savings. My car wouldn't make it there Id have to rent one and I don't have the money to do so. I'm overwhelmed for my daughter and I don't know what to do.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 11:18 PM


Posts: 1554
Joined: June 27, 2016



I feel awful we are all going thru this. I thought it was rough months ago when son was at home. Now it feels just as bad or worse. I haven’t talked to him or seen him in two months. He has been at hospital for about 3 weeks. Warning - he went in on methadone that he was going to clinic for about 2 weeks before hospital. His dad brought him to hospital, he was threatening suicide. Admitted into psyc floor. They kept him on methadone and added other meds. We don’t know what. But now he is medicated and no where to live or work. (He should have checked into detox and rehab - but he didn’t want to) then when psyc floor wanted to discharge him and we would not let him home, he went to rehab at same hospital. Still they have not detoxed him.
For 6 months all we wanted was for him to go to hospital. Now it is worse - because he keeps doing it his way.

Even though he was at this hospital for detox and rehab a year ago no one decides he needs detox. They let him decide what he wants to do. *** he is not able to make medical decisions about himself!!

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 6, 2019, 11:22 PM
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 11:32 PM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



It just makes me sick what our children and we are going through. Everyone of us has a sad story. Everyone of us love our child and hate the addiction and what it does to them and to us. Its horrible and it's cruel.
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Posted: May 6, 2019, 11:38 PM


Posts: 1554
Joined: June 27, 2016



It was good for me to detach from my son for a few months. Now I am starting to have momma bear feelings. Worried about how he is feeling. Does he have enough clothes. Is he so medicated that he won’t remember anything. my husband and daughter have talked to him. He seems to be saying the same stuff as before he went to hospital - he just wants to get out and get a job - he can’t stay where he was before. The whole ‘city area’ that he would have to live in is not a good area. Of course no car. He would be with more horrible people. 30 minutes away and we can’t be his parents. Sallyanna, reading about your daughter seems similar to my son. The day his dad brought him to hospital he got a call from insurance company. He told dad he was going to get life insurance and make dad the beneficiary. I do believe he has a problem w depression that he can’t put on his big boy pants. But i think if he gave recovery a good chance he could get through it. Like your daughter, he feels he has no family - he dwells on the people who are deceased. Now mom and dad have turned our backs while we have nice home, bed, food, jobs... it is starting to upset me.
On the other hand, all we wanted is for him to not do drugs. He does not have to be an amazing person. Just stop doing drugs.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 6, 2019, 11:41 PM
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Posted: May 7, 2019, 12:00 AM


Posts: 1554
Joined: June 27, 2016



A few weeks ago my daughter - who lives in another state - was talking on phone to a friend of son’s. (Somehow contacted because of situation. Daughter is not friends w sons friends) The friend and another friend went to look for him a few weeks ago bc they were worried. It was before the hospital. She said he was so drugged they couldn’t tell what he was on. And they are off and on users.

On one hand I feel like kicking him out made his life worse. It did not make him stop and take a good look at himself. Or, if he did, he decided he isn’t worth it.

On the other hand, living at home with us enabling was not slowing down the drug use. There’s no way for him to live at home without also enabling. He was not responsibly using - he was not paying bill, was driving while impaired, and becoming more impatient and angry when we did not enable enough.

I know we can’t live like that. This does not feel good either.

he is at hospital until end of week. Counceller said they will try to keep him longer. And did tell husband we are doing the right thing. But... idk if they will tell us if he stays or gets out.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on May 7, 2019, 12:03 AM
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Posted: May 7, 2019, 12:13 AM


Posts: 463
Joined: November 9, 2018



This will sound awful but I think it's true. Dealing with addiction is like pattycaking with sh#t. Things get moved around and changed but in the end it's still sh#t. Sorry if I offend anyone Im just really upset and hurt and PO'd and sad and frustrated and angry. I hate addiction.
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