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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: March 9, 2019, 5:03 PM
Hi all.
I’ve had a rough week. My son is not living at home - he’s been out of the house for a few weeks now - but we started talking more lately. I saw him a few days ago and found blood stains on his pants. It’s a painful reminder that he’s still using IV drugs. He looks horrible. Thin, pale, sad. It breaks my heart. He’s only 16. He said he wishes he were a normal 16 year old. He sounds like he’s in a dark hole and doesn’t know how to get out. Drugs are no longer used to party, but rather to numb the pain of the reality of what his life has become. As I mentioned before, I am a nurse. One of my patients was an IV drug user admitted for a horrible infection in the spine. He died of an overdose in the hospital last week. I saw him face down on the ground but couldn’t take part in the code. It hit too close to home. His death sent me into a dark place. I am now on stress leave as I couldn’t stop crying at work. I tried to stay but it was too much. I asked my son if he would visit a rehab I found that looks wonderful. Just a visit to see it and meet the people. No commitment. He said maybe, which is a start. I don’t see it happening but I’m going to keep trying. Just wanted to share what I’ve been up to. Man, is this ever hard. | ||
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Posted: March 9, 2019, 5:51 PM
Yellowbird, I am so very sorry to hear this. It breaks my heart to read it, so I can imagine your pain is exponentially greater. It is so hard to understand this epidemic we are experiencing. I am a nurse, also. I attended a presentation this week on the epidemic and it takes my breath away. Shocking. And, then, to have our kids in the mix. I totally understand why you took leave. That would be more than I can bear.
Just wanted you to know that I care and am "listening". Take care of yourself. | ||
Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: March 9, 2019, 7:24 PM
So sorry too Yellowbirds...so heartbreaking. Sometimes all we can do is plant seeds and maybe they will start to think about it or consider it. I really hope he does. Take good care and I'm thinking of you and your son.
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: March 9, 2019, 8:08 PM
Thank you Parenting2 and Sallyanna. I appreciate your kind words. We are not alone.
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: March 9, 2019, 8:09 PM
yellowbird -
Sorry about what happened. I cant tell you how many times I have cried at work and had to go to the rest room. idk if anyone saw my eyes well up. It is horrific to see the evidence of drug use on your kid. you know it is happening, but when you see it, it is shocking. and very sad that they do this to themselves. for your son to visit a rehab, recovery center - that was suggested to me a year ago by my therapist - at the local recovery center. she suggested he just take a ride w me and he could wait in the car while I had an appointment. or he could come to one of my appointments. eventually he did. he did talk to her, with me. he still continued on his path. I kept at him to make an appointment. this was last april - may. he did start intake but it goes on for several appointments (out patient). another dr I was talking to at that time suggested the same thing. in may when his use was out of control and everything fell apart, I had the recovery center in my pocket. was able to bring him in to see some one when he was in a kind of psychotic state - not violent but confused. but they didn't do much. I was hoping they would convince him to go to hospital. they all kind of shrugged... told me to bring him to the stableization center. I did. we were there for at least an hour. some one talked to him. afterwards, I said - OK now what - the woman said - its complicated. and did not say anything else until it was obvious that nothing was happening and we had to leave. very weird. she should have told him to go to hospital!! a week later son texted me that he didn't know what to do, where to go, we had kicked him out. I said the hospital emergency room to be admitted to the detox-rehab. he did go, after he popped a hand full of Xanax - had to stay at stableization center until he was in withdrawal. he did the program for 3 weeks and said it was a good program. that he needed to hear it. maybe my talking about the recovery center, bringing home reading material, seeing my counselor helped him to know there is a place to go. another story - many years ago when I was at a different job, a temp worker about my age, blurted out something about her son's drug use. My knee-jerk response, as I was new to this life, was 'Get him out of the house to rehab' and 'don't tell anyone else here'. he went to a good place in florida. the owner took a liking to him. he was there more than a year and was working for the rehab organization. he was young. kept asking to come home. his parents said No. idk how things turned out, she had gotten another job. my point is if you have the opportunity to get your son into a good place (there are bad ones), do not pay for it, you do not want to spend your savings or go into debt, and do not let him come home. better for him to be miserable and sober in a safe place, instead of the alternative. This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on March 9, 2019, 8:24 PM | ||
Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: March 9, 2019, 9:50 PM
I am so sorry for you. A 16 year old should not have a choice about going to rehab . This is a crazy world. If he came to the hospital for a surgery, he would need parental consent.
Dealing with an addicted child is horrible. My "child" is 31. A 16yr is a baby. | ||
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: March 9, 2019, 10:46 PM
PS - the night I brought my son to the stabilization center, it was my first time at that point w my son - not knowing what to do. I knew he did not want to go to the hospital. I was hoping he would decide on his own or someone else would convince him. that did not happen.
when he did decide to go, a week or so later, we drove him but he did the admission on his own. he said 'I know what I have to say'. In hindsight, I should have drove him to the hospital that night he was confused. he probably would not have remembered what happened. I was new to what to do and alone. Now, since going thru it and seeing the outcome of a good program with 3 months of being sober and making many good sober support connections, that is my only answer to his problems. go to hospital. be sober. that's the first step before anything else is possible. I think he knows it too. This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on March 9, 2019, 10:47 PM | ||
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: March 10, 2019, 1:23 AM
Yellowbirds I just wanted to add I think it's good you are staying in touch with your son. I think it helps for him to know you are there and you love him. Also, keep taking really good care of yourself as best we can.
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: March 11, 2019, 11:56 AM
NyToFl - that was my thinking when I asked my son to visit the rehab with me. I want him to have a visual of the place when he is ready to accept treatment. I’m hoping he can envision it when he’s at a low place and see it as something ‘real’ available to him. Less fear of the unknown, I guess.
WALKEDON - it’s crazy that a 16 year old has the right to refuse treatment, isn’t it? If he was In the hospitalfor anything else he would be considered incompetent to refuse life-saving treatment, but drugs? Nah, he can decide to refuse treatment. He should not be considered old enough to make that decision alone. He’s just a kid! SALLYANNA - thanks for reminding me of the importance of maintaining that connection. It kills me to see him this way, but he needs to know that I love him... even when I disagree with the choices he’s making. | ||
Posts: 132
Joined: December 30, 2018
Posted: March 11, 2019, 5:01 PM
So sorry to hear this yellow birds, your son is so young, I don't really post much, as I can't seem to offer much advise, ( I can't seem to sort my own son out) so never really know what to say, just heartbreaking the times I've been at work gone to the toilet crying and kept saying to myself, get your act together, some days I just couldn't, my son has said the same to as what yours said, abput he just wanted to be a normal 16 year old( mine is now 25) yes the drug use is longer to party, but to get through there days! Is he still with his girlfriend? I do hope he does try and see the rehab centre, I think it's just making the first move for them, take care I do read posts everyday, but just don't post a lot
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: March 12, 2019, 10:04 AM
SADEYES - thanks for the support. Yes, he is still with his girlfriend (as far as I know). It’s an unhealthy relationship to say the least. Everything is so unhealthy - the drugs, the relationship, the lack of personal hygiene, etc. A nightmare. I was strong a few weeks ago but I feel very weak right now. It hits me in waves. The thought of what’s the come is especially hard.
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Posts: 58
Joined: January 9, 2017
Posted: March 12, 2019, 11:40 AM
STAY STRONG Yellowbirds,
I have a daughter in this addiction madness, her mom is a nurse also and until recently her Rn Mom was a big time enablers. Slowly all of my daughters enablers are coming to terms with addiction and are stopping the enabling. Which as we know is gut-wrenching .... So Stay strong, your son is young maybe the tough love approach will work before so much of the brain is changed from years of abuse. jeff | ||
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Posts: 77
Joined: December 26, 2018
Posted: March 12, 2019, 5:31 PM
JEFFREYRUNNER - thank you for your support! I will try to stay strong. It’s so hard, but I know it’s the only way I can be of use to him. I need to be strong so he has a healthy mom if/when he’s ready to accept help. THANK YOU.
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