Alcoholic Or Not?
Posted: February 18, 2019, 8:37 PM

I am trying to sort out whether my hubby is an alcoholic or I am being too hard on him, as he words it. He says I want to ruin his enjoyment by wanting him to stop drinking. He drinks 7 nights a week and heavily on weekends. He has been drinking for many years. It has affected his sexual performance as well but he says it has nothing to do with it. It has also started to change his personality. He gets down right stupid, especially after shots of whiskey, which he calls little "nips" that are barely anything. I can't be around him anymore when he is drinking but he has made me feel like it's me and not him. I have talked to him so much and tried to explain it is harming our 30 year marriage but he keeps telling me there isn't a problem, expect me for wanting to take his pleasure away. I really don't know what to think.
Posted: February 19, 2019, 9:40 AM

Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018

I'm sorry to say your husband is addicted to alcohol.
Posted: February 19, 2019, 9:59 AM

Posts: 236
Joined: December 21, 2018

I agree with Sallyanna. Drinks everyday ignoring consequences and affects moods, demeanor etc. equals Alcoholic.

And until he really really wants to change on his own talking to him won't do much.

Big thing is keep yourself safe physically and/or financially.

Good Luck
Posted: February 19, 2019, 8:11 PM

Posts: 1
Joined: February 18, 2019

Thank you for your replies.
Posted: February 20, 2019, 3:12 AM

Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018

MK as samegame said in her post it's very important to take care of yourself emotionally, physically, and financially. With addiction, it's all consuming not only for the person who has it but also for spouses and family. Everything evolves around the addiction in the family dynamics and in your relationship. Its he wants to let his life evolve around alcohol that is his choice but it does not have to be your choice. Try not to let this happen to you because then the addiction takes two lives and it's very unhealthy. You deserve to be healthy and happy. We all do.
Posted: August 30, 2019, 7:20 AM

Posts: 27
Joined: August 22, 2019

Hi Mk ! Firstly sorry because I think I am quite late to be part of this thread, But i would ask you one question: have you ever tried to contact with alcohol abuse hotline centers. Dear take help from the experts. Surely they will guide you in a better way as what to do in this regard.
Posted: October 24, 2019, 5:52 AM

Posts: 4
Joined: October 24, 2019

He has a problem, especially if it's effecting the sex life. I am an alcoholic and can tell you first hand that the problem is more than likely a high bilirubin count, is his urine really dark? Not only does it effect the urine, it also makes it so that when a man "releases" during sex it almost hurts sometimes. He has all the signs and should seek help.
Posted: October 30, 2019, 10:57 AM

Posts: 38
Joined: May 5, 2019

My late husband was an alcoholic and I have 17 years sober under my belt. Alcoholics are master manipulators and can have many ways to justify their drinking.

Not sure if Al-Anon is still around but I found that very helpful years ago. I went to meetings and received a lot of support.

Anyone who drinks 7 days a week is an alcoholic in my opinion.

Big thing: Don't ever try to "reason" with him when he's drinking or drunk. Never works.
Posted: December 4, 2019, 7:19 AM

Posts: 11
Joined: December 4, 2019

It does sound like he has an alcohol problem. But there is hope. Addicts drink and drug so they don’t feel certain emotions or pain. They just want to push the feelings down and numb it. If he would see a therapist or even talk to you the problem can normally be resolved. Letting it out and letting it go free an addict in so many ways. Praying for your situation. God Bless you
Posted: December 22, 2019, 11:59 PM

Posts: 60
Joined: December 17, 2019

Hi MK thank you for sharing. I can relate to your share. My partner still won’t admit he’s an alcoholic or that he has a drinking problem at all. Despite the fact that he has had three DUI’s in the early 2000’s and actually served three months in jail for it. There is a whole lot of gaslighting that goes on with addicts. Trying to turn things on you, make you question whether or not they actually have a problem when they’re drinking every night and turn into a total a****** when drinking... that’s the nature of the disease, their denial and their obsession with consuming the next drink ... I’ve been there and I am still in it. He’s made me question if I have blown things out of proportion with my need to control the situation and be safe but with Al-Anon and support forums like this, I’ve come to realize, he is an addict and there is no question about it. What’s been revolutionary for me is discovering my own addiction, which is to try and control the situation, help fix him and solve the problem so I can fee safe and secure. Take it from me, it is an unhealthy cycle. Even if you’re not the alcoholic, out reactions to the alcoholic, including our behaviors in response to them is toxic. The most important person in this equation is you. I hope you can find some peace and solace within yourself so you can practice some self care me and learn how to better cope with the situation. I cannot stress it enough Al-Anon meetings are a great place to start. This will help you take the focus of him and re-direct it back on you where it belongs. From there you can start to gain clarity and make decisions that are in your best interest and more aligned with your values and wellbeing. Sending you lots of prayers! You’re not alone!

This post has been edited by Hopeful11 on December 24, 2019, 12:20 AM
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