How's Everyone Doing?
Posted: January 23, 2019, 9:40 PM


Posts: 71
Joined: December 23, 2018



I've noticed none of us have posted anything in a couple of days.... is everyone hanging in there? Status quo?
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Posted: January 23, 2019, 9:51 PM


Posts: 160
Joined: November 9, 2018



Hi Mtnmom I was wondering the same too :)
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Posted: January 23, 2019, 10:07 PM


Posts: 348
Joined: October 25, 2016



Maybe everyone is busy staying warm. 🙂

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BUGS
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Posted: January 23, 2019, 11:26 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: February 3, 2015



I've had a rough week. My son is in prison. When he was in the intake / sorting prison, he was calling regularly. Then he got sent to the big boy/bad guy prison, and now nothing. I've written three times, and he hasn't called or responded. I asked if he wanted me to come visit, and nothing. I'm worried about him, but can't do anything about it. And I can't get my mind off of it. I envision him beaten up and laying in the infirmary, but I have no way to know. He will be there for at least 2 years, so I have to let this go... but it is so hard,


Then, last week we had to have our beloved 15 year old dog put to sleep. I picked her ashes up today, and they presented me with her pawprint in plaster and an inked nose print. I just lost it. Life is just hard sometimes.
Sombra
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 12:23 AM


Posts: 71
Joined: December 23, 2018



Awww Sombra, so sorry to hear about your son. And to lose your fur baby too makes the stress so much worse. Even though he hasn't call or written back, continue to write him. He's probably trying to wrap his head around what the heck he has done to himself!

And you are right, life definitely sucks sometimes!! How long has your son been in jail?

This post has been edited by mtnmom on January 24, 2019, 12:26 AM
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 7:53 AM


Posts: 26
Joined: December 30, 2018



Yes I thought the same, not that I post much anyway, but am on daily and like to read, sorry mtnmom to hear about your son, I can only imagine what you must be going through, your mind must be going 100 miles an hour, I think same probly just trying to adjust and get his head round things, sad situation all round, stay strong
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 2:51 PM


Posts: 64
Joined: February 3, 2015



My son was in jail for several months, got out, assaulted someone within an hour and was back in the same day. He went to prison a few months ago. Thanks, I guess I will continue to write him. I just didn't know if that was better or worse.
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 3:48 PM


Posts: 143
Joined: July 6, 2018



I have been avoiding my daughter. I stopped in to see her a few days ago.She seemed good but I left quickly . Something felt off.
I am taking her to her court hearing tommorow, more probabtion Im sure.
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 8:16 PM


Posts: 49
Joined: December 26, 2018



I'm doing alright. Surviving.

We managed to kick our son and his girlfriend out of our basement. Changed the locks and told him she's no longer welcome here. Haven't seen her in about 3 weeks. My son hasn't been home much since then either - he's been home maybe 5 of the last 20 days? If he's not home by curfew we lock the door, which is an odd consequence as it gives him the freedom to stay out all night, which he does... and doesn't come home for days on end. Haven't figured that one out just yet.

I stalk him and his girlfriend online for information (I'm still in the "FBI-style investigation stage" which we all know so well). Found evidence of drugs there. He stays with friends at flophouses when he's out. Charming.

My husband and I resolved not to facilitate drives to or from places we don't support. He has to take the bus (we purchased a bus pass for him, which is the extent of our contribution to him financially). We give him ZERO money. We agreed to drive him to therapy, however he hasn't made an appointment with his therapist in a while. I've been instructed to back off and let him figure this out on his own, which means he misses appointments. Not much I can do there.

Last week was tough - I slept about 14 hours per day. If I wasn't working, I was sleeping. Too depressed to stay awake. My son is only 16 years old and he's already quit school, doesn't work, barely bathes, and advanced to injecting drugs IV. I can barely register this information most of the time. This week is a little better for me as I'm not sleeping as much.
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 8:36 PM


Posts: 212
Joined: November 16, 2017



I am just maintaining. My son is on a slow spiral right now, as opposed to the previous fast spiral. He just seems totally lost and ...you know...all the other stuff we all know so well.

It is really rough for all of us. I sometimes wonder why this all happens. I work with people with addictions for a small part of my job. It is just amazing how far down people will go. And, nothing seems to really help.

Just wanted each of you to know I am thinking of you. Nice to hear from you, Sombra and SO sorry about your son. That has to be just devastating.

Hugs to all
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 8:52 PM


Posts: 49
Joined: December 26, 2018



SOMBRA - sorry to hear you haven't heard from your son. I know all-too-well what it's like to imagine my son lying somewhere in a gutter. It's heart wrenching. Something about a mother being unable to protect their child... it goes against our very fabric as parents.

PARENTING2 - I, too, work with addicts. I mentioned earlier that I was a nurse. I often care for people experiencing the consequences of their addictions: alcoholics with liver failure, IV drug users with endocarditis and/or accesses on their arms and spines, etc. It's hard for me as I have a child with an addiction as well. "There but for the grace of God, go I"...
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Posted: January 24, 2019, 10:33 PM


Posts: 1317
Joined: June 27, 2016



We're waiting for the next round that starts w the next paycheck. we were not successful at kicking son out. he was out for a night, and then back on 'good behavior' . the snow storm helped bc he has to do snow removal at his job. he knew he would be working the weekend. He was pleasant. then started getting moody by Wednesday. Has no $ spent his check in a few days. was gone by last Friday. Was out late last night. husband thinks he borrows from people or they front stuff and has to pay it back when he gets his check - might be why it is spent so fast. I have told him I want him to pay me first - or he can not live here. he does not seem to hear me... he acts like he is in agreement, but does not follow thru. I am not strong enough to change the locks. I guess we just want him to be better and not be addicted so we keep trying - same dance, pushing a little harder. I do think we make a little progress. in getting him to understand that 'we aren't going to do this forever' and to get us to focus on "what is next' for us. It is true - we cant do this forever. we need to plan and plot our next move for US.


We do agree we want to downsize the house and move locally or away. It is a tall order to fill when things are going well in life and you want to do it.... it is a challenge when dealing with the ups and downs of addiction in the household.


Sleep - my husband and I don't sleep well. He wakes too early and does not go back to sleep. I go to sleep too late and wish I could sleep more when the alarm goes off.


Yes this is exhausting. It is hard to be motivated to do anything other than the regular work, shopping, cooking, chores, computer time... bed.


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Posted: January 25, 2019, 7:42 PM


Posts: 143
Joined: July 6, 2018



Daughter received 6 months probabtion and more fines today. She is slowly getting better. Still hears voices and has horrible short term memory problems.
She does take her meds and goes to her IOP and therapy appt.
I am still hoping this is the turning point. Even though she had few relapses in the past few months,she has not been this well in.a long time.
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Posted: January 25, 2019, 9:40 PM


Posts: 1317
Joined: June 27, 2016



walked on - that's what i'm talking about. my son is not perfectly clean, and is still an idiot w his paycheck. but he is better than a year ago. I know he has learned something in 3 months of IOP and meetings. even thought it does not look like it in the big picture. since May he has gone to court once a month, by himself, we have not paid for anything to do w court, or drove him or reminded him. he seems to be making food more for himself - lunches for work and dinner if we are not home, he does his wash. I know, little things, but it is an improvement from a year ago. maybe it will keep getting better in some way.

same w your daughter. they may slip but now they know where to go back to pick up the pieces again. I guess it can take years of baby-steps.

my son has had about 10 days w no $$. I did give him a tank of gas. (and he went out two nights - but did not have cash)... he did clean up a water leak in the basement today when I asked him to..... maybe sitting at home for 10 days will make him hold on to his check better. (I have been saying that for years)

at this point I don't see much of a withdrawal, I think we are confronting him more - saying - no - I don't believe your story. I feel like we are outside of the drama. husband still gets angry, but is holding his temper for this week.

idk - we are trying to stay calm, save ourselves, and keep pushing back at his behavior so it is clearly in his court not ours.

hope this makes sense. and I hope I'm not boring everyone with details. I think it is interesting. maybe my details help someone else.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on January 25, 2019, 9:43 PM
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Posted: January 25, 2019, 9:48 PM


Posts: 1317
Joined: June 27, 2016



Husband and I have been so tired, just going to our bed room after dinner. Maybe the silent treatment will get to my son. I just don't want to be available to him.
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Posted: January 25, 2019, 11:04 PM


Posts: 71
Joined: December 23, 2018



My son calls about once a week, usually to complain about someone who won't give him a break. We just stick to the script "people might be a little more sympathetic to your problems if anyone could see that you are trying to help yourself". He doesn't like that so his calls are less, but he's due swoop in & cause anxiety. Fortunately for us, we live in a 55 & older community & he CAN'T live here. We are moving out of state in 2 months, so he will not be able to drop in unannounced.

I think we all need to hope for more little good things, they are encouraging even though we all have been disappointed before.... My son SAYS he has a maintenance job, a family friend hired him. I'm scared to hope it's true because I don't think he can pass a drug test.
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Posted: February 1, 2019, 8:57 PM


Posts: 15
Joined: March 20, 2018



My son won't get out of bed and there's no evidence that he's using. Depression at it's finest. Lots of judgmental people out there. You know the type, "if he were my son, ..." or, "what he needs is a swift kick in the rear" or, "where were you while he was growing up?"
I don't know what to do. Don't know how to separate me from him, if you know what I mean. He's my son. He's drowning and I am too. There. I said it. Now back to my happy face. February should be better, right?

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I read all the parenting books, we played together, they played with friends. I was there for them before and after school, they played hockey and soccer, we went on holidays. I thought I was doing it right.
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Posted: February 1, 2019, 10:31 PM


Posts: 26
Joined: December 30, 2018



Mon fail, I wouldent take any notice of the judgemental people out there and what they say, clearly they have never been through any thing like this, and my reaction would be to say' educate yourself on addictions' it's deeper than just stooping , they say sleeping heaps in early recovery, I know we all try to put on that happy face, sometimes it is easier than others tale care
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Posted: February 2, 2019, 11:00 AM


Posts: 71
Joined: December 23, 2018



That is a great response Sad Eyes!! #momfail - you are NOT a mom fail, you didn't cause this & you can't fix it. How old is your son? Depression is so scary & we do wish we could help & make it all better. I'm so sorry - we just don't discuss my son with anyone but ourselves, I don't care what other people think I should do and unless they are volunteering to help you out, they aren't in this equation. This group is so great to feel like you are not alone & without any judgment. Hang in there!
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Posted: February 2, 2019, 1:32 PM


Posts: 160
Joined: November 9, 2018



I know. No one knows the heartbreak we feel inside unless it is happening to them. I've had to cut ties with the negative friends and family who offer no support and only judge and criticize. The friends and family I have left in my life are true and caring. They are not many but very, very precious special people.
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