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Posts: 4
Joined: January 17, 2019
Posted: January 17, 2019, 5:16 PM
I wonder if anyone has ever tried to take their addict child on a yearlong retreat, my son has been in and out of rehabs and he never last more than 2-3 days after he is out. I am going to retire next year and I am going to be RV traveling around the US. If he starts out clean and I know he really wants to come with me does anyone think it might work? Please do not judge I am just trying to think outside the box to get him sober. Everything I have ever read it seems that the longer your clean the better chance you have. Any thoughts? | ||
Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 17, 2019, 6:20 PM
Cani - no I have no tried that but you must always prepare for worst case scenario & expect failure because then you aren't as devastated IF he uses. As a parent, we always want to reward good behavior but what I've learned is my addict son is only true to his addiction & drug. His urges are so strong that he will lie, steal, manipulate to EVERYONE. But my son is 44 & this has been his adult life - sometimes better, sometimes worse but always an addict.
Sorry to be a Debbie Downer but in this game, you always must have a plan B & an exit strategy. How old is your son? How long has he been addicted? How many times in rehab? Maybe if he goes into rehab they offer family therapy & someone there can assist you with this idea. | ||
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Posts: 4
Joined: January 17, 2019
Posted: January 17, 2019, 6:58 PM
He just turned 22 has been doing heroin for at least 4 years among other drugs and has been to at least 6 rehab in the last couple of years. I just feel like I want to try something different. Rehab doesn't work for him neither does drug court.
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 17, 2019, 8:55 PM
I like the idea of a year long trip. I think it would have a better chance of working if your son was coming put of a long term rehab.
And what do you do if he relapses? Do you just drive away? | ||
Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 18, 2019, 12:00 AM
your retirement is a year away. start planting the seeds. my son has been addicted to various things for the past 5 to 6 years. he has gone to rehab 3 times and stays clean for 3+ months and then starts to give in to a relapse. he did live w relatives in a pretty contained environment for 4 months. the hardest part for him is boredom and he dwells on the past and all the bad things. he may have a duel diag as his mind constantly thinks thoughts and leads to insomnia. dr's did give a med that helped. we wish our son would go on a year long trip where drugs were not available. he has relapsed again. wish there was an easy answer.
talk to your son about it. maybe that would be motivation to get clean for the trip. I also think they need long term sobriety before they can look back and see that life is better without self medicating. after rehab in may of this year (3 weeks), my son continued IOP for 3+ months until he relapsed. It was the first time he was home and going to IOP, dr and therapy, and was working part time. It was good that he integrated regular day living with IOP. previous times he went away to rehab and was at the facility for several months, and then sober living. I think the continued support of IOP after the detox is a good thing. consider that your son get some IOP months under his belt before going on the trip. you probably don't want to take him straight from detox to trip? smart recovery.org has online meetings - if you think he would use that support system on the trip, have him start it before going. thinking about what kind of support he would have on the trip if it is needed. consider your own needs. do you have a good enough relationship that you can enjoy each other's company. will you be able to relax or will you feel like the entertainer and care giver. This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on January 18, 2019, 12:01 AM | ||
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Posts: 4
Joined: January 17, 2019
Posted: January 18, 2019, 10:55 AM
We have a very good relationship, when I told him what I plan on doing when I retire the first thing he said is I want to go! He says he wants to get clean all the time he is going to three classes a week right now. My thinking is if he relapses on the trip somehow, we would go home and he would be on his own. I would then continue on my own. I need this as much as he does. This would be OUR last chance for getting him sober. He would then have to work it out on his own. He loves to travel or at least he did before the heroin. I want to see that bright kid again that had adventure and interest in everything and everyone. I miss him and I am at a loss of what to do, like all parents in this situation. Maybe I am just still holding on to hope that there is a special something that will save my child. I love your comments it is helpful as to if I should be doing this or not.
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Posts: 341
Joined: December 23, 2018
Posted: January 18, 2019, 11:29 AM
Cani - remember that even though our situations are similar, there is no one size fits all approach. Do what your heart tells you to do, but think of a Plan B too. If you DON'T do it, you will always wonder "what if". Make it super clear that if he relapses, he gets a one way plane ticket to where he needs to go.
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: January 18, 2019, 9:50 PM
Hi Cani I read your post and I think it's an interesting idea and if it works it will be great. Would he go to detox before the trip starts or would he detox during the trip? I think I would want him detoxed before the trip. My daughter also has a heroin addiction and her detoxes are pretty rough. It sounds like you both have a positive relationship together and are close. My daughter too could not stay sober after her many rehabs for very long. I'm just not sure how he would handle his cravings while on the trip?
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Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: January 18, 2019, 10:26 PM
Has he ever been on suboxone? Some people do well on it and some dont.
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Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: January 19, 2019, 12:57 AM
Cani - It sounds like you have a good idea. I can really see it working. like you said you both need this. You are lucky you can do it and your son is lucky you are willing to do it and want to.
Unique idea. I could see my son and I being able to do a trip together if it were only the two of us. It is when everyone else and day to day living, working, etc are in the mix - things become stressful. Good Luck - I hope it goes well for both of you! | ||
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Posted: January 19, 2019, 1:44 PM
I'm hopeful but pessimistic at the same time. If rehab does little for him or he does little for it I just don't see the attention span and discipline to make this work.
Did your son ever go to into the military or away to a school. Or even go on long trips as a child. The alkie here did not. The reason I bring that up is that he has a limited comfort zone impart I think always being in, near or around the same environment did not help, not just substance abuse wise but he never learned how to handle major change or cope with things he doesn't like, not necessarily bad but things he just doesn't want to deal with. He's never had to cope or deal with life style changing events in major way. Everything I've read or heard said the alkie/addict must really really want to change, not just appease someone but actually want to change. I hope he's not appeasing you. It's worth a try but I don't know if I would put all my eggs in one basket so to speak. I'm not trying to lecture or offend. And wish to apologize for my less than optimistic view. Good Luck | ||
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Posted: January 19, 2019, 3:20 PM
I've thought about doing this type of thing, but am not in a position to actually do it.
Here are the benefits that I see: You are doing something YOU want to do, so you are doing it for you as well as him. It would be harder for him to access drugs/hang out with tempting friends moving around the country, so it would be easier for him to stay sober. You both get along, so it should not "ruin" your trip or add stress to take him along sober. It may spark his interest in other things besides drugs. As long as you are realistic about potential heartbreak along the way (as much as we can be), I would say to give it a try. Of course, as we all have experienced, it is easy to get caught up in the reality that it may not work, he may relapse along the way or right when you get back...etc. But, if it were me, I would try to stay in the moment, enjoy your time, and help him start planning for his future. Also, have him contribute to the cost and work of the trip. | ||
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: January 19, 2019, 3:40 PM
I have often wish for some thing like this for daughter. Something far away and some thing that would pique her curiosity.
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Posts: 3
Joined: January 27, 2019
Posted: January 27, 2019, 4:57 AM
Hi Cani, Big hugs to you. Oh, the things we do for our children!
I don't know if anyone mentioned this in the comments, but I think my biggest concern is this...how will he attend regular meetings and get a support network built if he's on the road? My husband of 20 years just celebrated his 1 year sobriety birthday a couple weeks ago (alcohol) when he's never been able to stay sober more than a couple months previously. He'd been in and out of rehabs, too. I truly believe the only thing keeping him sober this time is his commitment to attending meetings every single day and living in a sober living residence. Has he tried sober living? Someone else mentioned this, but the changes and boredom can be brutal once an addict returns to reality. Only other addicts can understand all the different challenges. And if he doesn't replace his using friends with sober friends it'll be an uphill battle staying clean. At the same time, maybe an extended trip away from his current surroundings would be good for him. From one co-dependent to another, can I give this advice? Don't take on his recovery as your own. Let him make his own choices. Believe me, I exhausted every avenue I could think of to get my husband sober and keep him sober and NOTHING I did ever worked. As long as I was working hard on his recovery he took a backseat and always relapsed. When I let go and refused to let him move home after the last rehab, he chose sober living and has stuck to it. | ||
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