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Posted: December 1, 2018, 4:14 PM
Good afternoon to all.
While I definitely welcome advice and encouragement, this post is mostly for my mental health. I am really sinking the last 2 days. I need some people who understand. My son was doing relatively well for about 6 months. Then, about a month ago he totally tanked. LIke, off a cliff. He had a court date coming up, so I was struggling with all the dynamics. He is 18 and supposed to live with us for his probation (for way too long!). We've been going over a plan and rules, but he is basically ignoring us. Trying to sort out our legal obligations, etc. Long story short, all my stress about what to do was for nothing, because the judge took control. He got pissed off about my son ignoring his probation and sentenced him to the maximum 40 days in jail. I have some concerns about how he is treated-they don't let him out of his cell even to eat, etc. He is really struggling with the isolation. I cannot get a clear answer on why they are doing it, but it is not because of him (but more their staffing issues). I am trying to stay out of it, but....I have really bad feelings about what is going on. So, I am keeping my mouth shut, but you know, I am heartbroken. The main thing is that we were in this boat the same exact time last year. You may remember he went to treatment and jumped up a bit in in his behavior. Not perfect, but better. I have been visiting him every night. He is really shocking me-I had no idea how far down he had gone in ONE MONTH. And, while the drugs should be out of his system, he is still hallucinating and hearing things. I am terrified he has done permanent damage to himself and I don't know what that means for him & his future---as far as a place to stay, getting a job, etc. He cannot live with me. And, he has stumbled down another level he has never been to. I don't want to get into it, but I was really horrified. He is SO self-destructive and seems to be baffled by consequences. I suppose one of my main issues, is that he really looks nothing like a child anymore. He is a man. It is driving home the point to me that this is his life....and, he really has messed up his brain...And, he is not my son anymore (they way I remember him). I am up and down and all around emotionally. I think I am doing pretty well with not enabling and not interfering....the problem is just pure, pure heartbreak. I feel like I am on the edge of screaming all the time. We have lost a lot of people in our family and the holidays have always been difficult. But, I look at him and how he acts and talks....it makes me crazy sick to my stomach. I generally try to workout, hike, spend time with other kids, etc. The last 2 days, I have been steamrolled by this devastating feeling of what he has done to himself. I keep up with activities (don't think anyone can even tell), but every time I am alone, I just bust out crying. When I visit, he tells me he is done with drugs, wants to go to college, get a job, make up for all he has done......you know what I think when he says this......and, is he even capable anymore? I know this too will pass. I just needed to "talk". What a nightmare that never seems to end. Thanks for "listening". | ||
Posts: 1764
Joined: June 27, 2016
Posted: December 1, 2018, 5:31 PM
Hello Parenting, I have had similar feelings. so emotional that it physically hurts.
I do not have experience w jail but it might be best that your son is in his cell most or all of the time. For his safety. I am also concerned about his mental/emotional state. probably good that you are seeing him each day. maybe since he detoxed in jail, he is not getting the medical care he would have in a hospital. Consider that he goes to a hospital rehab / dual diagnosis treatment after jail (one that insurance pays for) It would be best if he is able to process what he has been thru before coming home? do you have documentation that he needs certain medication? is there a way to get him to see therapist or psycologist while he is in jail? maybe bring him a book - about ??? recovery ?? that is written from the addiction point of view? maybe something will click... I am sorry for what you and your family are going thru. | ||
Posts: 478
Joined: November 9, 2018
Posted: December 1, 2018, 6:23 PM
So sorry P2 i could feel your heartbreak in your post and it's just very sad. They may be keeping him in his cell for his own protection which would be a good thing but IDK. When my daughter first started using drugs at about 14 she became psychotic and it was very scary and awful went outside for a walk and never came back was missing for 2 weeks didn't know where she was called police 2 weeks later walks in the door like she never left wearing someone else clothes and barefoot had no idea where she had been. This is just one example. Turns out she was having temporal lobe seizures that presented themselves in behavior like bizarre behavior. We took her to a pediatric neurologist who did an EEG and there it was. After giving her lamictal and taking her off the psychotropics the other Dr. prescribed she was back to normal behavior. They all lowered seizure threshold and she was in a constant state of behavior seizures which mimics psychosis.....long story short it was 2.5 years before it was figured out. Please don't give up on your son because I too never thought I was going to see my daughter again her mind was so bad then she came back to who she was. We were getting ready to institutionalize her until a really really good Dr knew about this rare presentation of TLE. In 30 years of practice he only had 3 patients that had it and my daughter was 1 of them. The brain can repair itself and he is young. It's just very very hard and heartbreaking. Thinking of you P2.
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Posts: 195
Joined: July 6, 2018
Posted: December 2, 2018, 1:00 PM
My daughter was in jail,placed in isolation for her own protection as she detox. She also spent 6 weeks in a hospital ,psychotic for 4 weeks from a bath salts.
It doesn't matter where she was, time is the only thing that can heal that kind of damage. Hopefully your son will start to come around soon. She has been clean for 5 months (so she says). Mean as a snake.Refuses to get pysch help | ||
Posts: 11
Joined: October 8, 2018
Posted: December 2, 2018, 5:00 PM
Hi there parenting sorry to hear of your struggles, life is really s*** sometimes, I know we go out there try put on a brave face, all the time you are really not engaged on the event you are at or people you are talking to because it's always at back of your mind,.Jail must be hard not experienced that, but dosent mean to say I won't, he is still young your son,and probably with the right treatment, counciller etc, sometimes I feel there is not enough help for them, rehabs you need the $$$, if not you can't get in one as waiting lists are months and months, God knows in that time how far they could of slipped and got worse, also it's ok seeing councillerr therapist etc but it's also finding a good one, my son seeing one ATM, bit I know he's seen some, and wouldent go again, they need to talk to someone who has actually been through it which I think I understand that, raabiiting on a bit here, maybe a bit of topic but it does help when we share are stories, mine ATM know he's struggling still maintains work everyday, but it has left him with very low confidence and social issues, never Handley goes out, I actually get excited when he goes out,but I always feel hopeful that it is not going to be his life forever, but sometimes I do think it could be, only he can dertermin that
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