New Here.. Son Addicted To Marijuana
Posted: November 30, 2018, 7:03 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: November 30, 2018



Hi Everyone,
I am new here and not even sure where to start, or if this is the right place. I am at my breaking point and need to take care of me now. My son is 22 and I believe addicted to marijuana. I think there are other things going on that I am attempting to help him sort out (possible ADD, we are getting him tested now), mild bipolar which he is medicated for. He functions. He just graduated college from a 4 year university with a degree. But he also just moved home, so now I really see how much he is dependent on marijuana. He doesn't have a job yet, and he has no motivation to get one because I provide his money still. I never hold him accountable. I have gotten him out of several legal situations in the past. I feel I am severely the problem and it's affecting my marriage and our family life (his stepdad and I have been married for 3 years but he has been in our lives for 15). Long story short - I need help. I love him so much but I see that I am hurting him, myself, my family and not helping at all by enabling him and making excuses for him. If you have read this far - I appreciate it and thank you for providing this safe space. :)
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Posted: November 30, 2018, 7:24 PM


Posts: 49
Joined: November 9, 2018



Hi sp 13 welcome and I'm sorry to hear about your situation with your son. It is very hard, as you well know, to be a parent of a child with an addiction. It's very important like you said to take care of you because we can get lost just as much as they are, sadly. It's hard because we love them so much and it's really hard to watch the self destruction. I had a therapist say to me once which was helpful when talking with them use statements like..."I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with (fill in the blank) what are your plans to to take care of (fill in the blank) ". That way you hand it back to them so they have full ownership and they have to use their own problem solving. It's important to be very clear and not wishy washy because that creates inconsistencies and confusion for both parties. It's hard but it's actually what's best for them.
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Posted: November 30, 2018, 7:42 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: November 30, 2018



@sallyanna - thank you so much! You make really good points that I need to hear. I really appreciate it.
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Posted: November 30, 2018, 8:22 PM


Posts: 1244
Joined: June 27, 2016



many years ago my husband and I started with NarAnon meetings. Luckily it was a good group. It was a way for us to be 'on the same page'. be able to express our concern to others, hear other stories, get suggestions. come home with a strategy. Main points were to give him a time line. a few rules and boundaries. example: Month one get a job, even if it is part time, month two he pays his bills and or rent. you need to be tough now or it will go on forever.

Read at SmartRecovery.org
-- reading about the damage done by using drugs should be alarming enough to give you strength to do what you have to (whatever that is). Marijuana is not a benign drug. it can cause psycosis in those who are sensitive to it - and depending what is in it. It also causes anxiety, depression, insomnia, etc... probably all of the things he says are wrong w him.

Something I wish I did early on is to make our kids pay for their own phone. my addicted son is the oldest. we keep paying for his phone bc it is less expensive on our plan than if he had his own plan. but the mud is on our face. the savings has not gone to make his life better but to the streets. and using a phone we are paying for to do it. Ugh. I wish we cut him off at 18 or 20 or right after college. Same with car insurance.

I have been paying my own bills since I was 16. I wanted to. I wanted to be independent. My son is 28 and does not want to be. at times I was only making enough to keep my car on the road to commute to college at night and working part time. probably like most of us here. If I wanted something I had to do it myself.

maybe we have taken their incentive away bc we paid for everything. My youngest does not have addiction problems. she has never asked us for anything. not one tank of gas in 6 years. BUT - she has lived thru watching our pain for the last 10 years (first w a daughter - who is doing fine now, and then with our son) so the third child has lived thru watching it.

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one year ago I asked my son to go to psyciatrist for medication and therapist. for 6 months they gave him klonopin, amphedamine salt (Adderall), sleeping meds (tranquilzers) . he was working full time with machinery and the dr gives him these meds. this was exactly what he was getting on the street. just refilled once a month. no plan to get off them. different therapist every month. how do you build a bond with a different person once a month! It was a night mare.

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the nightmare went on until the spring when I was in fear every day. I lost 20 lbs. I have still only gained 10 back. In Feb. 2018 I started go to a recovery center that helped to support family. I started telling my son about it. in Apr-May he tried quitting the meds and could not. after a few scary weeks he check himself into local hospital for detox and rehab. he did well for 90 days and then relapsed w alcohol for about 2 months. In the 90 days, he told me his symptoms - all his sx are from the medications. he saw drs and therapist and IOP. they gave him a med for bipolar to take at night bc of persistent thoughts that keep him awake. He did not need all of the other meds.

problem is that he does not see all of this as simply as I do. the meds brain wash. he thinks he needs them.

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I am an advocate for alternative medicine. There are many many things that can be helpful instead of medication or along with the right medication. my son ignores all offers. saying that nothing works. (right - nothing works like a tranqulizer)

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Sallyanna - Asking him to how to solve his own problems is always a point that I forget. My husband and I have always been do'ers and problem solvers.
It is automatic for us. I do agree with you. when he has to think it thru and verbalize a solution, he might be more likely to follow through.


my son does not have that drive. does not have the fear of consequences. gets a credit card knowing that he will not repay it. does not even open his mail. complete avoidance.

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I can say that he had a legal problem in the spring. we did not help at all. and he did not want us to. he has been dealing w a public defender and going to court once a month since may.

This post has been edited by NyToFlorida on November 30, 2018, 9:13 PM
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Posted: December 1, 2018, 1:20 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: November 30, 2018



Thank you so much - great information - really thought provoking. So many things hit home for me.
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Posted: December 1, 2018, 3:47 PM


Posts: 171
Joined: November 16, 2017



Welcome and I am sorry to hear you are in the same boat as most of here. It is hell, no two ways about it. And, the only thing we can do is detach and take care of ourselves. You are in the right place. I am struggling as well to stop enabling and be healthy.
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