He Hurt Me So Much
Posted: July 15, 2018, 8:18 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: July 15, 2018



So I've been in a relationship with a guy who was an addict. I didn't know that in the beginning since he was pretty good in hidding it. His drug of choice was oxycontin.
He was the nicest person in the beginning of the relationship but then he became the devil, he lied to me about everything, he manipulated me, he compared me to other women he would make me feel worthless.

He broke up with me 3 times already and I wanted to stay no contact. I accepted him back because I believed he was evil because of his drug addiction. Now he is clean for a year and we are broken up still but he contacted me months ago and we would stay in touch. When I ask something about how he is doing he completely ignores me.

I started getting nervous and I texted him several times (this was bad) saying "I need to cut ties because I still feel so worried about many things in your life. I care about you and Im not mad but we can't stay in touch". He ignored my messages and I feel mad because he knows I feel concerned and he doesn't even bother replying.

I want to make him pay, I want revenge :( What can I do?
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Posted: July 15, 2018, 2:26 PM


Posts: 335
Joined: November 16, 2017



Hi,

Welcome to the boards.

Your feelings are very normal. He hurt you and disrespected you, so it is very normal to feel like you want revenge. I think we have all felt this way about someone, whether personal life or work life (whenever we feel mistreated or wronged).

However, revenge-seeking only gives more of our energy to the person. As you point out in your post, he doesn't seem to care. Anything you do will likely not have the effect you want on him. More importantly, revenge and anger will suck your spirit dry emotionally and spiritually. In the end, it will harm you to seek revenge.

So, what can you do? Stop all contact. Try to eliminate him from your life. Eventually, over time, the emotions will decrease in energy and you will feel more balanced. Hard as it is, "let go". Really spend time and energy on something else that you love. For example, plan a vacation with a friend, start up an old hobby, plant a garden, remodel something, take an exercise class, ....whatever works for you. Seek out Al-anon, counseling, friends. Plan coffee dates with friends...etc. what works with your lifestyle.

I have a little saying that I tell myself when I am feeling on the short-end of the stick in a relationship of any kind. "Don't throw your pearls to swine". What this means to me, is if the person is not respecting me, acknowledging me, caring about me...then, I really need to try hard to STOP interacting. It only hurts me to continue.

Again, so much easier to say than do...but time will help if you start the process. And, it will be a process. But, eventually, these feelings will fade and you will feel stronger.
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Posted: July 15, 2018, 4:41 PM


Posts: 8
Joined: July 10, 2018



On and off again relationship like that means there's probably more issues than drugs. You probably caught him in a good streak when you met. Drugs help lower impulse control but what they actually do are their thoughts, sober people tend not to act on impulse and that includes not over reacting emotionally.

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Posted: July 16, 2018, 6:23 AM


Posts: 2268
Joined: October 17, 2004



You don't need revenge, you just need to get over him. From what you are saying he is not a good person with or without drugs.

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No matter what right you did or what wrong you didn't do: When you're the black sheep, all blame belongs to you
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Posted: July 16, 2018, 9:04 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: July 15, 2018



You guys are right. I shouldn't bother with revenge, it's just a waste of my precious time. I was just so mad because I was being ignored. Im just going to invest in myself.
It was just hard to understand that he knows that I get concerned about him and he just decides to ignore me like that...He didn't even reply when I asked him if he was okay.
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Posted: July 16, 2018, 4:51 PM


Posts: 335
Joined: November 16, 2017



I am glad to hear you are moving on. It is shocking to people like us, because we care and are respectful. He can't/won't be. You are much better off without him.
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Posted: July 17, 2018, 5:09 PM


Posts: 56
Joined: June 25, 2017



omg I had the same thing happen to me..I lost my life because I couldn't get over this guy, but found new wonderful man and now all is good ,I just got over him ,,time is the answer.im so sorry.
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Posted: July 21, 2018, 10:15 AM


Posts: 3
Joined: July 15, 2018



After how much time did you find your new love? This relationship is damaging me for such a long time.
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Posted: August 5, 2018, 5:37 AM


Posts: 251
Joined: June 27, 2015



Yea I agree with parenging2 and everyone else. If you get revenge then you'll just feel as crappy and low as a person as he is. I guarantee you. Do you know what really pisses a man off . Makes them crazy mad? Is silence (he, he, he)! Do u ever notice if you hang up on a guy while he's talking crap to you, how fast he will call you back and even more mad??? And if you do it again, then woohooo, his lid is blown off.! He's now like a grenade.!!! Oh that's funny to me when they get all mad.! Anywho,.! Just ignore gim.! That will be the worst thing you can do to him because it will piss him off more then anything.!!! Good luck to you. Keep us posted.!

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IT ONLY GETS WORSE BEFORE IT GETS BETTER
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Posted: October 5, 2018, 2:15 PM


Posts: 3
Joined: July 28, 2018



I am going throught this right now x aparently its the meth he even told me before we got togeather that is compleetly banjacks you and i seen it in him before now im on a drug him im addicted to him and i dont ever want to withdraw from him i cant not yet anyway 😕
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